I hate explaining ADHD to people because it’s a completely unintuitive disorder. It’s like “I’m easily distracted” yet at other times I’m completely incapable of tearing my focus away from something. I have continual thoughts of things unrelated to my current focus, and other times I can’t think of anything at all, I just can’t hold on to any thoughts. I’m fidgety, almost all the time, but I can sit still and drive a car on the freeway for several hours with absolutely no issues.
It’s like, for every symptom I have of the disorder there’s always a “but sometimes” caveat that is present. It’s just a nightmare to try to make someone understand especially when they’ve never struggled with the disorder or anything like it. It’s a complete conundrum.
Feel like my forgetting where I put things have any exceptions that aren’t average NT on my best days or because I have a system that most of the time works (it’s been a while since I’ve had to search for my wallet and keys because the basket is right at the front door now and immediately getting out of work clothes is a top priority, so removing the usual pocket stuff as I enter happens 95% of the time - the atypical stuff usually gets accidentally left in the pockets and remembering to lock the door on my way in is still RNG).
I like to describe a normal persons focus as a laser, it has a good balance between being able to aim and its power
Meanwhile adhd is an extremly high power Death Star laser, however you cannot aim it at all for better or for worse
Totally it’s like when you’re a kid and you say “I’m not hungry” and then someone brings out a cake and you’re like “well obviously that doesn’t count for cake” but it’s 100 PERCENT TRUE
I have no problem staying committed to a task when my life depends on it. For all other cases meh.
It’s not that you don’t have attention, what your lacking is the control over your attention. This means that you have a harder time directing your attention to what is “necessary”.
The result of this might be not being able to focus your attention on something, but it can show also as not being able to shift the attention away from something.
It’s actually not two different sides but rather the same.
I thought this a couple of years ago, even though i was diagnosed at 5 (29 now). It’s funny how i went my whole life thinking it was just the stereotypical adhd is just hyperactivity and laziness because the doctors never really tried to explain how this disorder could affect me. I decided to look it up studf about adhd and am deeply conflicted by how it literally explains my entire life and behaviors even though i thought i had it under control. On one hand im glad there is something that explains a lot of my struggles and medical issues but on the other i feel like my entire personality is just dictated by adhd and that i never really had as much freedom of choice as i thought i did.
It’s weird, isn’t it? I was diagnosed as an adult, just a couple of years ago, and it was surreal how much sense it made of my entire life. I’m now on guanfacine which makes me feel like I have a superpower, but it’s really just being able to remember things, notice more things, and concentrate for more than two seconds.
I feel like the more you understand how your brain works, the more you learn how to work around it.
Full disclosure: I’m not diagnosed, but on a waitlist for ADD - for over a year now and it’s not moving, but I digress. I am diagnosed with autism though.
To me it feels like my brain is a wildwater. You can’t control it, but if you change the environment around it, you can guide it into useful directions. I’m lucky that by now the people around me have accepted it and are able to laugh with me when I fuck up. We have a lot of systems in place to reign in the worst effects, and the more we get used to it the easier it gets not to fall into traps and not to be unreliable.
I guess I’m working on my skills as a mindbender who tricks my brain into being useful while still allowing it to get that dopamine?
You could get a real diagnose maybe?
Hi, person with high-functioning autism here. I was informed by a therapist that, due to the coping mechanisms most people learn as they grow up with conditions like these, they are incredibly difficult (if not impossible in some cases) to get an official diagnosis for.
My experience may not be relevant in this case but due to the overlap between autism and ADHD, it seemed relevant enough to share.
getting a real diagnose in my country means ill be stuck with a mental disability in an extremely psychophobic society with no way to treat it because all adhd meds are banned here
so my only way to cope is to talk to other people who probably have adhd as well and learn how they manage their lives
I was diagnosed as a kid, lost my childhood medical records (no clue how, but it was before I was an adult, I had to be revaccinated when I went through basic), so had to go through it again as an adult.
Yeah, they don’t just… give people diagnoses. They don’t even like screening all that much because there are drug seekers, so they put you off. You have to work at finding someone willing to do it, and that’s in the best case.
I was going through a super straightforward route (through the VA) and that still took a 6 month wait before we could start the process, 5 probing mental health appointments, and then the actual diagnosis appointment. In total it took about a year, and again, that was an easy and straightforward route with a prior diagnosis.
I would but I can’t just seem to be able to get into it for some mysterious reason.
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M****.omm ok**mmooo
Oh. Good. I’d gone a few minutes without doing this mental check, thank you for putting it back in there for today. 🫠
“What if I don’t actually have ADHD, I simply share some behavioral issues that make it seem like ADHD because I was raised by parents who did have ADHD and I just kind of adopted it from them?” - Me, like once a week since getting diagnosed.
i was diagnosed early in childhood. my parents chose to believe it was fake and more than once actually pleaded with me to explain why beating me senseless every other day didn’t make the behavior stop.
Fucking hell sorry your parents were abusive monsters.
What if I don’t have ADHD and just smoke entirely too much weed? Currently working on figuring this out.
My next will be: Maybe I’m just a douche and don’t care about others enough to remember what they tell me. But I do care, I think.
Maybe I’m just a douche and don’t care about others enough to remember what they tell me. But I do care, I think.
This is also me but since people in general still seem to like me despite me considering myself a bit of an asshole I’m then also wondering that maybe I’m just a charismatic psychopath that manipulates people.
This honestly is so validating to know that other ADHD havers are extreme self medicators. Blazeit.
Hahaha - this is my train of thought too! Didn’t smoke for the month of November as an experiment. Started dreaming vividly, but no improvement in my awake state.
I’m assuming a 1-month break probably wasn’t enough for my brain to re-build neural connections… but how long of a break is! Maybe I’ll try again?
How are you ‘figuring this out’?
I’ve had an almost identical experience, stopped smoking last year for less than a month. Terrible dreams that left me exhausted during the day, and if anything worsened ADHD symptoms. I’m also thinking it wasn’t long enough but it sure is a tough experiment.
Figuring it out just meant I’m trying again now.
It takes 30 days to detox from weed entirely. So a month is the minimum, personally I’ve found I don’t start noticing improvement until I’ve been sober for about three months, because sleep gets messed up for longer than it takes to detox. You have to go all the way through the withdrawal symptoms until you’re sleeping healthily again, then you’ll start to notice improvements in life. Small, incremental improvements.
I needed to give up weed for a while for a hormone test. A month is exactly how long I had to take a break.
Welcome to the gang. The natural follow up question then is that if it indeed is weed then which is worse; the ADHD-like symptoms or living without weed.
I’ve heard about many ADHD’ers unknowingly treating their symptoms with weed. Weed is especially addictive for us because it helps us feel better. Atleast in my own case it allows me to have long uninterrupted trains of thought. Like instead of the same thought just looping around it actually starts moving forward logically.
which is worse; the ADHD-like symptoms or living without weed.
Good point! I’ve made my decision, now where did I put my bong?
It doesn’t help that every asshole on the Internet suddenly has a psychology degree to tell you you don’t actually have ADHD/autism.
I know autism is a scale but if someone actually had it you would know. My kid was diagnosed at 3 and it’s an entirely different ballgame. I have three other kids for reference.
Like you said, it’s a spectrum. Your kids high support needs don’t invalidate those of us who have lower support needs and have been masking our entire lives.
It’s also hilarious how I mention it and one immediately shows up
What symptoms do you think you have that make you feel you are autistic?
The literal diagnosis of autism from my fucking psychologist you absolute troglodyte
It’s very difficult to actually get “diagnosed” with autism. You and I may have some of the similarities of some of the traits but it’s not even close to what a kid with diagnosed autism actually has. Most don’t talk, don’t understand any social cues and they destroy everything in the house. Good luck going on in public because at any minute they can start screaming and won’t stop no matter what. They also will start running wherever they please and you can’t tell them not to because they don’t get it.
If it makes you feel better being self diagnosed on the fringe of the spectrum to make you feel better, more power to ya.
Bring on the downvotes - you all simply have no idea.
What’s wrong with you?
You understand it’s a spectrum but you’re claiming that unless someone needs heavy support they’re faking it? Fuck any diagnosed kids then if they’re not heavily autistic.
It’s literally this attitude that keeps so many people from getting a diagnosis and receiving any help they might need. This attitude makes people think “Oh im not the perfect model *insert neurodivergency*, I don’t want to take away resources from anyone else, I’ll just cope for the rest of my life and go on living like this wondering why I feel so different than other people”
Respectfully,fuck you.Actually fuck that you don’t deserve my respect.
The meme you’re responding to exists because of your attitude and people like you.
When I read your comment the first time and saw the “respectfully” I thought, wow, you are more polite than I have been x) it made me chuckle to see you reconsider (rightfully, in my opinion).
Edit: forgot a word
As someone diagnosed after much fighting in my thirties who still has every new doc trying to tell me I can’t have it: fuck you. People like you are the reason no one believes the people who are skilled in masking because they got abused enough as kids so they don’t even knowwho they are underneath the mask.
I’m more than a little convinced ADHD isn’t really a disorder, society is the issue, and this personality/brain type is actually beneficial in simpler societies.
There are certain aspects of ADHD that would be disordered in any societal structure.
I have been so hyperfixated on something that I have been completely oblivious to my own body’s signals. As a result I have had accidents, developed UTIs, ended up in the ER with electrolyte imbalances, and dislocated several joints.
ADHD and joint Hypermobility are closely linked and while more studies are needed to understand exactly why and how, a lot of people with ADHD also meet criteria for Hypermobility spectrum disorders. In my case, I’ll be focused on a task and I won’t realise I’m clenching my jaw too firmly until the sudden sensation of undeniable pain sweeps over me and I realise my jaw has dislocated. Or ill be struggling with transitioning from a task to a rest, even though my knees are in agony, I can’t seem to force myself to stop.
ADHD is also inherently linked to circadian rhythm disorders, and while yes, delayed sleep phase disorder is only truly a disorder if you’re forcing yourself into a 9-5 lifestyle, ADHD sleep issues are more than just the shifting of the phases. A lot of people with ADHD will describe the sensation of sleep as being “passing out”, because of the way our brains (fail to) regulate dopamine, the way serotonin and melatonin is secreted to create drowsiness is also impacted.
I don’t get tired or sleepy, I get headaches and blurred vision and spasms in my back, and then I know that I can fall asleep if I lie down. I take sublingual melatonin tincture (I find it works better than tablets) and it’s such a strange phenomenon because about 15 minutes after I take it I feel my eyes are heavy and my body is calm and my mind ia slower, aka, sleepy. I don’t experience that without the help of supplements.
And sure there’s the argument that you “people with ADHD used to be on night watch duty”, but sleep deprived people make shit guards. If I’m not physically able to fall asleep until I’m “overtired”, and if being tired makes my ADHD symptoms worse, then I’m no good for anything.
It’s also not like hyperfixations are a super power (God I hate that way of framing things) I can’t choose when or why they happen. If I could, I’d be good at just job, instead, I’m loosing all sensation in my feet because I’m stuck in a fixation trying to pick at the skin on my thighs because I spotted one single ingrown hair while I had my pants down sitting on the toilet. Now it’s 40 minutes later, my alarm is going off in the other room, and I’m frozen, unable to transition away from this task.
ADHD is a spectrum, and for many people there are strengths, but it’s most definitely a disorder and for a lot of people, even if we lived in the most utopian ADHD friendly society, there are still internal issues to face.
For the record, I am unmedicated and always have been due to a heart condition, so maybe my view on the condition would change if I had different treatment and management options available to me.
You’re not alone in thinking that, and there are some studies which seem to agree.
Err…I guess I read a paragraph and went to do something more interesting.
I was reading your study, and got to the part where they said it is hard to empirically test this theory because of limited genome whatever, and it crossed my mind Africans don’t carry the neanderthal DNA Europeans do, so i looked up if ADHD was more common in either race and it apparently is much more prevalent in white people. Yeah correlation isn’t causation but it is interesting.
I haven’t done too much research into ADHD (which I don’t have) but if it’s anything like autism (which I do have) then it may well be that it’s just massively under diagnosed in people who aren’t rich, white, boys. I know they aren’t the same but that’s certainly the case for autism, and there is a high rate of co-occurrence between the two.
Some articles mentioned something along those lines, but they seemed more written with an axe to grind, and more from the states. The rich part I can’t speak to, but autism is just plain more common in whites than blacks, not underdiagnosed, to my understanding. Ed girlfriend used to work with the autistic, and in a heavily multicutural city where white people are not a clear majority, nearly all the severely autistic she worked with were white/iranian/middle eastern/ other whitish varieties it seemed, hardly any black or asian.
To an extent, it is also beneficial in today’s society. Hyperfocus and fast context switching can be assets in some jobs, if the downsides are not too great and that can depend on the job and colleagues a lot.
But yea, I can imagine it has been more of an asset in a different time.
I used to work in a particular trade, and i noticed unlike most i worked with, i worked faster and more efficiently as the day went on, by 11 am I’d be right in that hyperfocus groove and my helpers just had so much trouble keeping up. They took advantage of that on occasion, like they could tell me it was quitting time and I’d believe them, an hour early. That only worked twice.
Could you share what that trade is, even vaguely? I’m curious what kind of job might be suited for someone with ADHD symptoms. I feel it might help me choose a career. No worries if not, and have a good one!
Tube and fit scaffolder. Fast paced very physical work, but if you get the bug, it’s a good career that pays well, will keep you in excellent shape, plenty of places have it unionized if you’re into that. A lack of fear of heights is a requirement. here’s a good company that does it, https://www.matakanascaff.com/, its very different than normal scaffolding for painters or whatever.
Thanks for the reply, that’s interesting. I’ve been on some construction sites and scaffolders definitely earn their pay. From experience, I think work with a physical component is easier to stay focused on, at least for me.
If you need/want a high degree of learning: Anything IT related.
The tempo is so fast paced amd you needing to keep up it can get overwhelming at times if you don’t like it.Also closing tire- and cumbersome tickets are a great source of small dopamine shots.
Thanks for the advice. If I change directions I’m leaning towards something in the realm of IT or electronics technician work. I’d like something with some sort of physical or at least hands on component, or something gameified like you deacribe with closing tickets.
In Germany there are job positions called “Fachinformatiker Systemintegration”.
Basically a trained technician integrating a new component into an existing environmemt.
This can range from a monitor and a pc to a new server, networking, etc.
Maybe something like a datacenter technician or something like that might suit you.My job atm consists of going to customers onsite to troubleshoot systems or installing/replacing a (new) server but also helpdesk stuff (small company so even lv2 support might have to call) and responding to tickets about stuff not working as intended.
My mainreason for choosing that role was the field work (or at the company) and not being glued to my desk or other office desk job like a programmer.That’s interesting, thanks for that explanantion. I definitely feel like being glued to my desk is something I’d like to avoid.
Maybe I’ll consider moving to Germany now, that could be a whole other adventure.
There are a lot of “disorders” which don’t “really” exist.
People with gender dysphoria only exist because we’ve created categories to group people together.
ADHD in the right circumstances can be a massive contributing factor for innovation and essentially act as wildcards. I like to think of ADHD as a mutation for social evolution.
Absolutely, most parts of neurodivergence is evolved to be useful for “wild” humans, hunter-gatherers. Like gee i sure wonder how it might be useful for people living in tents in the wildnerness to have a dude who just cannot go to sleep before 2 in the morning…
Apprently court jesters were historically generally autistic people, whom the rulers kept around because they wouldn’t sugarcoat stuff and acted like a bullshit detector. Might be pretty handy for a tribe to have some people who’ll speak up when they think the leader is being dumb.
That’s not how evolution works. Traits don’t evolve “to be useful”. Anyone who claims a goal to evolution has failed to grasp evolution.
Evolution converges on local maxima by selecting for traits that are good enough to continuously propagate through the filter of individuals death. For sexual reproduction, if a trait is not bad enough to continuously reduce carriers’ presence in a mating pool, it can and will remain.
It’s survival of not inadequate enough.
When it comes to neurodivergences that aren’t strictly universal negatives (for example: anyone would agree that DID is terrible, while modern autism advocacy strongly opposes any sort of “cure”, and even assimilation as opposed to integration), you can easily find the case that they work great as complements within larger groups. Having an autistic dude fascinated by working materials may result in your tribe being the very first one in the area that gets obsidian spears or composite bows, even if he isn’t a very good hunter otherwise.
The problem comes when an industrialized, profit-obsessed society attempts to standarize social customs, goods, living spaces and so on while individualizing responsibility for every aspect of your life despite plenty of its factors being outside any one person’s control. Perhaps you’d have a lot to contribute to society if you just had certain unusual accommodations, such as a very quiet house or freedom to set your own working hours, but companies in the contemporary market economy hisses at people who don’t fit like cogs in a machine, and having a house with very specific conditions is outside the reach of a lot of people. Perhaps you do even manage to find the means to become a very productive member of society despite the odds being stacked against you, but because the specificity of your situation means you barely have any negotiation power in the labor market, most of what you produce gets appropriated by someone who isn’t very smart, but has some capital and better “people skills”.
For sure. I am overeducated and chronically unemployed due to basically unsustainable levels of stress trying to not fuck up office work leading to cycles of self destruction and the erosion of my self confidence.
But I am not unproductive or lazy, I am just not suited to modern life very well. I have a level of reasonable competency at blacksmithing, gardening, first aid, brewing, cheese making, cooking, sewing, foraging, tool maintenance, educating young children, and animal care (also modern useless skills). I can’t sit still much so I’m also pretty fit and enjoy running through forests and keeping track of changes.
In a different period I’m not saying I’d be the best member of society but I could contribute much more. In earlier times people who were ok at lots of practical things with great memories for strange specifics served very useful roles contributing supplimental food, medicine, and upkeep. I would also probably be much less overwhelmed with distraction without all the modern blinkenlights and ads and such.
We are all the same apes that walked out of Africa 200,000 years ago. Our brains haven’t changed and it’s inevitable that the more we change our environment from the one we evolved in the more we will induce pathology in otherwise normal, and perhaps helpful, human variation.
As someone diagnosed with ADHD, I find many of these posts overly dramatic. I understand that dealing with it is challenging, but when I see others discussing it, I sometimes feel that some might not genuinely have ADHD and are merely exaggerating for attention.
I’m not officially diagnosed yet, so this is where I live.
Getting diagnosed is a joke. Literally took 10 minutes. They don’t verify or go into depth about anything. At least it was that way for me. They gave me adderall but it made me feel like a crackhead so I only used it for a month. Vynase was better but still didn’t end up liking it too much. These days I let Jesus take the wheel.
I mean, every single person in my life has always said if bad things happen in my life its because I let it happen. I have trust issues and few friends.
At age 41, I just figured out I have ADHD, I assumed my entire life that I had a complex set of flaws.
I figured it out last year, I was 39. You’re in good company.
I just couldn’t figure it out until I came across information about ADHD and everything clicked. I’d be lying to say that I haven’t had moments of self doubt and imposter syndrome like the op suggests.
To me, at the end of the day, whether I’m actually ADHD or not, I have very similar tenancies and traits and the treatment works for me. That’s all that really matters.
I am 50. After reading a lot about the subject, I also suspect I am affected - my whole life. Getting an appointment with a psychiatrist to be sure right now. It would explain so much…
Well good luck - Vyvanse has a generic version now and has been working wonders for my 40 year old self… Except for the insomnia tonight.
Imposter syndrome?
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