You must log in or register to comment.
It’s awful. It builds on the sick idea programmed into us that your productivity defines your worth as a human being.
I hate this. And I hate the constant message from everything and everyone that we need to be constantly growing, learning, improving. It just makes you feel like you’re never good enough, and when you get to good enough, there’ll be a new level of good enough you haven’t reached yet.
Can’t I just enjoy who I currently am??!
I’m constantly surprised that a swath of the populous thinks that everyone else thinks the same things they do, has the same motives they do, etc. People are largely aware that there are introverts and extroverts, along with different learning styles, but that’s where most people seem to stop. It extends well beyond that. People are all over the spectrum on anxiety, curiosity, desire to learn new things, where they prefer to position themselves in group settings, ability to understand where others are coming from, etc. Often when people with differences in the above meet, they fail to empathize with each other and are befuddled by that the other person doesn’t think and act the way they do. We to sort ourselves into similar social groups, but it’s especially amusing to watch this play out in a work environment.
I don’t know. If I were more productive at making cookies, I would be happier because I could eat more cookies.
Being productive in things you care about is a necessary part of self care and can enhance your happiness for sure.
But that’s different than basing the value of actual people (including yourself) on productivity.
I was undiagnosed for a long time, and my progress reports always came back with “work is erratic”… How did that not send up flags?
I don’t mean to be that guy, but I have an ADHD diagnosis given when I was a teen and given again as an adult. Having ADHD doesn’t mean you’re secretly one diagnosis away from becoming a superhero.
You put anyone on medical-grade stimulants, they’re going to start being more “productive” and find their life gets better. Everyone under the age of 30 thinks they have ADHD. No. You just live in a world of hyperstimulation and you have for your entire life.
Everyone doesn’t have ADHD. At this point, everyone should just be prescribed stimulants and use them in combination with the legal stimulants to keep up with the world. Then we can all be the productive laborers we are supposed to be.
Coffee and tea used to be enough for several hundred years, but then the ravages of capitalism forced faster work conditions and increasing demands for productivity while simultaneously building a technological culture that demands your attention. They’re both making money off of you: one for your faster, more efficient work and the other for your attention and the ease with which you are distracted.
You don’t need fucking stimulants, you need a labor union and a better world.
I’m not going to disagree with your points about capitalism, overstimulation, and needing labor unions and a better world - those are all fair points.
However, I also wouldn’t go so far as to say “you don’t need stimulants.” If the effect of stimulant medication only boosted productivity, sure. But for me, stimulant medication is more about improving my working memory, I don’t feel a burst of energy to get me through the jobs I need to do, I’m just not fighting my own brain and poor memory as often. I’m an adult, and I do take days and sometimes weeks off from taking my meds, either because I forget to take it, or occasionally am overstimulated because of the hellscape we live in, and know more stimulation will make things worse. I don’t think the “must take stimulants every day” thing some do to themselves or their kids is healthy either. And I think it’s bad if you are only taking stimulants for the sake of meeting expectations of those around you. But if they help get your brain struggle less on the things you actually care about and want to do, there shouldn’t be any shame in taking them.
You’re absolutely right, and I was just being hyperbolic and rhetorical there, but I totally agree with you, and I wasn’t trying to be totally anti-meds.
I use my ADHD simulation meds as sparingly as I can, which is more than I would like. They actually make me feel tired. Like it’s suddenly quiet enough that I could nap, and I basically never nap.
That might be something to bring up with your doctor. Could be that the meds aren’t working as well for you as they could be, and there might be a better alternative.
I think about this a lot. Like, a lot a lot. But I’m also happy where I’m at on live right now, so I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.
Yeah… It hurts.
I’m glad you’re better off my friend <3
Thank you 🤗
“Youd be the top of the class if you… tried”
Meanwhile I am basically at war with myself every milisecond of the day to get what I get done, done and all people see is what the winner of that war accomplished. It feels like a war but is probably better described as a tug of war where the victor doesn’t need to just win but overpower their opponent enough to do literally anything else.
Kind of a mental tractor pull combined with a drag race.
As graduation was looming, I was standing in the hallway shooting the bull with one of my favorite teachers when he dropped this bomb on me:
AtmaJnana, you’ve got a lot of potential.
You know what potential means?
…
It means you ain’t done shit.
There was a Bart Simpson t-shirt my mom bought me when I was a kid. Bart said: Underachiever and proud of it.
It was a total societal bullshit fest during the 90’s.
They erased mental healthcare with dipshit Ronald and then mentally fucked with anyone who didn’t conform in the 90’s.
It backfired but not enough. It’s up to us to push that old bullshit out of society now that the Boomer are all braindead.
I called myself an underachiever because the only other thing I could call myself based on what I was told every day was a failure.
I figured out how to use it all to my advantage as an adult but it was such a shit road getting there.
There was a Bart Simpson t-shirt my mom bought me when I was a kid. Bart said: Underachiever and proud of it.
I remember radio ads for some bullshit corporate product service bullshit, the announcer said “It’s a no brainer!”, and the simpleton character, meant to stand in for all of us, goes “Uhh… no brainer? Oh I like that, hyuck hyuck hyuck!”
I remember this ad making me angry. Then also being vaguely disturbed when I noticed that this cynical marketing profile was all over the place.It backfired by causing school shootings. We’re dealing with the fallout of Boomer-style parenting now. For anyone who has or is about to have children, look up gentle parenting.
I lived through that fucking decade and I think it has a lot to do with how fucked up I am today. The way my school district dealt with a kid that couldn’t sit still was to lock them in a cinder block room with nothing but a desk and a pencil. They would keep you in there until you finished whatever assignment the teacher gave you.
Then I was prescribed ritalin. I was ridiculously allergic to it and it gave me seizures. When I wasn’t having seizures I was almost catatonic which the school liked, because it meant I stayed in my chair. The school tried their best to keep me on it even though my parents were VERY unsure about the whole seizures thing and negative effects on my personality. One day I asked my mom “If I do something bad when I’m on my medicine, do I go to hell?” (I have a very religious family) and that was the push they needed to take me off it.
I haven’t sought treatment or therapy since, because of that whole debacle. Every once in awhile I think about it, but it sends me in an anxiety/ptsd spiral and I chicken out.
Hell, when I graduated, they would give you your permanent record along with your diploma on the stage. Everyone else’s was super thin, but mine was three folders about three inches thick each. I didn’t even look at it, just burned it out of shame. I’m sure it was full of “prime mover has a lot of potential” bullshit. I wish so bad that I could be normal, but I don’t think I even got a ticket for that boat before it sailed.
Sorry for the rant. Still pissed off at my school system, but not sure who to share that rage with. Fuck em all
I am so sorry that sounds like a fucked up childhood
Hell, when I graduated, they would give you your permanent record
Holy crap that was real?! I thought it was something TV shows made up to scare kids. Like, I know they keep a file on kids with important info. But every infraction or whatever is dystopian.
I also grew up in the 90s and got hit with ADD diagnosis when I was about 5 (1990). I was on Ritalin and then Adderall for years and I KNOW the dosage wasn’t figured out yet and way too high. I was much more quiet, barely had a personality and would routinely give away my lunch because I had no appetite. Eventually 5-7 years of that I started just throwing the meds away and when school found out my parents took me off them.
I’m pretty sure I still have mild ADHD and have considered getting prescribed something or talking to a doc to help but like you that shit came with scars. Early adopters for meds can have it rough.
My mother was the god of the drive-by shaming where she would complain about my potential and then walk away without offering any sort of help.
So many were back then. Swaths of them also were informed that there’s a good chance we had these conditions, but then handwaved them away because they got by just fine. Plus those damn doctors are over medicating everyone just trying to make a quick buck!
Don’t forget all the friends of friends saying their once boisterous and weird brother suddenly turned into a zombie… By not being constantly disruptive, able to focus, and were quiet for a bit lmfao.
At work, we call that seagulling… they swoop in, shit all over everything, and then fly away.
Yeah I got potential. I put in a lot of effort to reach that potential.
Did the effort pay off? No.
Did it look like I didn’t do anything? Yes.
When I asked for help I was told “just do it.” So I kept trying really hard but still the results were far less than the effort put in. For some reason I burnt the hell out overextending myself to get stuff done.
I feel like the task is moving water from a pond to a large basin. Everyone else got buckets and I got a ladle.
This was my life. I managed to get a masters degree and loved the process but everything else in life has been a constant struggle just to do basic things.
the words “you so much potential” have done incredibly damage to my confidence. I’m trying so hard to unlearn it but no matter what I do I feel like a failure because I have sO mUcH pOtEnTiAl
Stuff like this hits you harder than a gut punch
Fuck.
Same.
I see it in my kid too.
How can I stop the cycle but still help.
Words suck. What are some good words for me but also my youngin
I’ve started saying out loud around my child, “Doing it this way isn’t working very well for my brain. I need to try other ways until I find what works for me.”
I needed to hear that so badly as a child (heck I need to hear it as an adult!) And I’ve noticed my child is less hard on herself since I’ve started doing this.
I think arming yourself with information about ADHD is your best bet to break any cycles related. Get diagnosed, get them diagnosed, seek counseling if it’s feasible. There are a ton of coping skills that can help, but they have to be learned, and counseling will help in that tremendously. If that’s not available, there’s a ton of resources online.
It’s also important to know that ADHD isn’t necessarily something wrong with you, it’s an adaptation. People with ADHD tend to be incredibly well performing when they’re in the right environments, which is the kind of thing that can be learned through counseling or research.
Search for “adhd coping skills” and try them all until you find what works for each of you.
Since what works is different for everyone so you will both need to develop coping skills independently.
But also keep in mind that many techniques won’t work for you and you need to be persistent and that doesn’t come naturally with ADHD so I suggest aiming for whatever technique will help you achieve that first.
Its also crucial, when trying to teach these methods to a child, that you frame them as multiple options that can and will fail to help, and that the failure is of the method not the child.
These techniques are akin to shoes. You go to the store to try on a bunch of different styles to see what fits, whats comfy, what looks good, and what you ultimately want to wear outdoors. You dont fail to fit a pair of shoes. They just arent your size.
Trying a bunch of coping mechanisms and skills that dont work will feel like failure if framed incorrectly, and make it harder to try the next one. Kids dont always know how to change their frame of mind around these things, so its key to help make sure they dont think of it as another test to pass or fail.
I still feel this as an adult, I want to be a successful artist and have finished college, signed up for my doctor’s appointments, but I just keep gravitating towards the easy dopamine inducing mindless activities
I am very hesitant about this current “I have ADHD” trend I’m seeing on the Internet, but fuck every thing I see like this makes me feel like I do have it.
Anyone know Good, legitimate, safe resources for exploring if I have ADHD?
Consult this.
You go to a doc. They’ll usually give you a form to fill out and it’s really a self evaluation. Answer enough questions the “right way” and they’ll take a closer look.
For me, the confirmation of the condition was after taking the new rx for a few days. “Oh, THIS is what a quiet mind is!”
I took my first dose of Vyvanse at 46 and realized what silence actually sounds like. Then I took a nap. I no longer take medication because I realized that I mostly have developed healthy enough coping skills at 51 years to deal but I also recognize it’s a very sharp and useful tool to have in the toolbox when needed.
Hello, clinical MH counselor with ADHD here. This meme isn’t a good indicator of ADHD symptoms since it more broadly reflects the experience of being a “gifted child”. While many with ADHD fall into this category, it’s not a proper criterion or indicator of ADHD. Many without ADHD struggled with “gifted kid syndrome” too, after all.
If you’d like an ADHD self-assessment, you can check out the ASRS-v1.1. It is NOT a diagnosis ; it only indicates that follow up is warranted. Many symptoms can overlap with things like Anxiety disorders or Autism Spectrum Disorders, etc. You need a clinician to perform a proper ddx for that. But it should be a good starting point.
Thank you for this response. I’m already diagnosed bpd, bi polar, and depression so something more technical is a better response than the go see a doctor responses that I got. Well intentioned as they might be, I already know that is a step to take. If I had money I would.
I’ll look this up when I have moment is there a good place to take it online?
oh if you just search for ASRS v1.1 you’ll find a pdf. it’s one page. it’s adapted from the ASRS-6 which is only six questions. it has expanded questions to shed more light on which characteristics present more strongly. actually only the first six are still technically the diagnostic ones, so some might say to not even bother with the supplemental extra questions if the top six dont present strongly.
with three diagnoses on the table already, you might not get a reliable result from this since some symptoms might overlap. one of the DSM criteria for most disorders is “… and isn’t attributable to another mental disorder or substance use.”
if i had a patient with bpd, bipolar, depression, and adhd: id want to be focused on working on emotional regulation, acceptance and self-esteem. those would help adhd anyway, but addressing it directly would be hard. thats also partially because bpd responds so well to therapy and adhd responds so well to medication/holistic healing.
okay thank you. I learned a lot from my cpl years spent in therapy, so i have developed tools for emotional regulation and awareness has done a ton for me. I learned so much about myself. I am in a much much better place now than I ever have been since graduating high school.
Good to know about the overlap, i figured as much since bi polar and bpd go together. I think one of the reasons i am so interested in ADHD at 33 years old is because I can finally devote some mental resources to learning about myself as i gain self acceptance. its let me tune in to some things about myself and observe myself and actually internalize it instead of being so low self esteem that i just kinda distance myself from me.
i hope that my success with medicinal treatments in the BPD and Bi polar realm is a sign that adhd treatments would work well too.
Take some of the questionnaires from more legitimate ADHD resource sites. Where I scored highly likely to be ADHD, my partner did not at all.
That being said, you could also undergo psychiatric assessment with a psychiatrist, but it may be a little expensive. I would recommend it if you can, because medication and appropriate psychotherapy can greatly improve quality of life.
Echoing others, see a doc, specifically a psychiatrist. Mine sent me to a neuro-psychologist for evaluation. It was a bit brutal, taking several hours but, it got me officially diagnosed at 31 and enabled me to get treatment that was pretty life changing.
See a doctor. May not be the most helpful advice, but it helped me after 29 undiagnosed years.
Maybe it’s the system that’s broken not the individuals.
