Women out there are still complaining they can find a bf when all they have to do is say something vaguely nice to a guy and he’ll marry you.
eh… women are mostly complaining because they struggle to find men they’d want to date, not because they think men won’t date them.
Well, I hate to break it to ya, but not every woman is going to get to marry a 6-6-6 just like not every man is going to marry a 10.
Additionally, most women would probably be better off marrying a man who WANTS to date them rather than trying to get one who doesn’t.
Maybe the kind of man they want to date is a man that isn’t an asshole. Especially not one who sees a woman who is not conventionally attractive and thinks, “yeah, I could fuck that.”
You know, there’s a simple solution to that, which women in the past had no trouble understanding: just put sex off the table until there’s a ring on your finger. That’s it. That’ll immediately eliminate any guy who’s only looking to up his notch count, as long as you actually stick to it and don’t just use it as a fake excuse to eliminate the weaklings.
Just thinking out loud, of course. I would not dream of telling what to do with their bodies.
Not finding out if you’re sexually compatible is a terrible idea. There’s a happy medium between “fuck immediately” and “don’t fuck for years.”
Perhaps, but it’s also not AS important as many people make it out to be. At least if you’re looking for a life partner, that is, not just a sex partner. After all, you’re gonna end up spending a LOT of time with that person not having sex.
But honestly, at some point this whole society is gonna have to collectively go to couple’s therapy or something in order to fix their shit. Or maybe that’s already happening, as I’ve seen at least a couple of TV shows where they send a bunch of good looking guys and girls in their 20s and 30s to a tropical island where they’re allowed to do anything except have sex, and the couple who ends up in the best relationship wins the grand prize.
I’m not gonna judge anyone for fucking around in their teens or early 20s, but let’s be honest, at some point you gotta grow out of that and realize there’s more to life than the bedroom. And after you’ve a couple rounds there you probably know pretty well what you like and don’t like, and you don’t need to test drive every single woman you meet before deciding whether she’s worth the time to try and have a relationship first.
It really is. Marriages end all the time because the sex isn’t satisfying. Sex is part of life.
Men don’t go for that because she didn’t make previous guys wait until marriage.
Making rules for those you “settle” for that did not previously apply is egregious hypocrisy.
I’m not sure whom that second sentence is directed at, because it could equally apply to men AND women, but it really kinda illustrates the problem with sleeping around before marriage, doesn’t it.
It’s obviously far easier for the average woman to get laid than it is for the average man, and any average man who’s tried his luck with casual flings and/or dating apps will know that by the time a woman as average as him proposes making him wait for sex. So it’s only natural that he’ll be skeptical and perhaps even upset, because there’s going to be a certain amount of rage and a desire to get even, hence they’ll be pressing for sex even harder.
So as the number of previous sexual partners increases, women tend to favor monogamy, because they’re tired of being pumped and dumped, whereas men tend to favor wanting to do more pumping and dumping because they’re tired of being passed over in her “fun phase” and only be considered “good enough” when it comes to wanting a relationship.
A strange game, isn’t it. The only winning move is not to play…
I don’t think you understand my point.
Let’s break this down by making up a hypothetical sexual history for the woman in question:
Guy 1 - Committed relationship, waited 3 months
Guy 2 - Casual fling, no waiting
Guy 3 - Committed relationship, waited 2 date
Guy 4 - Casual relationship, no waiting
Guy 5 - Hookup, no waiting
If, now that she’s seeing guy 6, she magically decides it’s time to be responsible and wait for a while. Any guy that has self respect isn’t going to tolerate that. Why is this new guy so different than than the previous ones? Why does she make him wait, but none of the previous men?
Anyone is going to figure that she is 1. Not attracted to him and is settling down after having fun to secure stability, or 2. Has cognitive dissonance about her past. A guy not accepting that and being skeptical of her intentions or level of honesty is fully justified.
And for the record, I apply my principles evenly between men and women. Casual sex is disgusting and a long sexual history is a sign of impulsive, irresponsible behavior or placing no value on your body or relationships. Man or woman.
You’re missing the point by a mile. It’s not about physical attraction, finances, or even the types of men just looking for a one-night stand. There are many men who want to be in long-term relationships, but don’t put in the effort necessary to keep that relationship alive and healthy.
Men benefit from long-term relationshipsbmore than women; a woman’s workload actually increases because she’s usually the one tasked with managing the home and all of the emotional and physical labor that comes with that… even when she already has a full-time job.
In order for a woman to want to be with a man, he needs to positively affect her life overall. So many men simply do not do that. That is the barrier to entry, and it is far from an unreasonable one. It’s generally easier and more desirable to be single than it is to be in a relationship with a man.
Whoa, whoa, slow down there… you’re saying men should be in charge of something? But that’s patriarchy!
Unless you only want to blame them for things not working out of course, because that’s what you’re doing if you give someone responsibility without giving them some sort of authority as well.
But let’s face it, in a relationship there is never, EVER such a thing as “it’s HIS fault” or “it’s HER fault”. The onus is always on both people — because unless you were forcefully married by your parents, both people chose each other out of their own volition.
So if you choose someone who keeps fucking up, guess what, that’s on you. And you can either put in the effort to try and figure out how to invoke a desire to change in them or chose someone better next time, but it’s gonna end up being work either way, because you won’t find a better partner unless you figure out why you chose the wrong one to begin with, you’ll just find more of the same.
Idk. To me, it seems many would rather care about appearance than positively affecting life.
Nice guy comment
Yes, how dare I suggest women date someone who will appreciate them instead of someone who won’t.
Patriarchy! Toxic masculinity! Guilty as charged, Mr. Officer, off to feminist jail I go.
dont get your fedora in a twist dude.
Being ugly is really fucking hard, until you go full Tyrion and wear it like armor.
Now try being an ugly woman
Have you tried dating sites? I can’t even get “ugly” women to respond to me so they must have “better options” reaching out to them or I really am just that undesirable lol
You just wanna do it on easy mode or what?
Let me tell you a completely unguarded open non-secret: most men will date anything with a pulse, quite literally. I’m not saying you should settle for any scumbag you can find, just that your odds are better than you think.
Being an ugly woman is not nearly the struggle that being an ugly man is. Women who aren’t attractive need to approach at all and they’ll have more success than ugly men who approach twice as often.
As long you are only ugly on the outside, it’s just a matter of getting used to it.
This is true. I think I could probably get it up for anyone who’s truly awesome.
At least they get makeup.
Oh, shit, that’s right, make up is chemically corrosive to men’s skin, we can’t use it.
I get what you’re saying, but they also have a point. Yes, men can wear makeup, but there are many reasons a lot of guys actively refuse that option. Are any of them “real”, no, but considering the social nature of our species, even the ones that aren’t “real” still matter to us
It’s as “real” as your name is “real” and is really your name. It may not be a large object visible to the naked eye but it’s still a solid thing stored in neurons of many physical brains.
Can you imagine the response from a woman after your first shower if you were good at applying makeup and used it all the time? “You… you lied to me! Wait, are you gay? I’m so confused right now.”
That’s the most “well actually” comment I’ve read today.
It’s 10PM. Do you know where your children are?
But really, I’m agreeing with the guy/gal. There’s no ackshually. There are very real consequences to social faux paus. Language isn’t a tangible object you can hood in your hand, but I don’t think anyone would argue that language isn’t real. Societal norms are the same.
Don’t worry, I understood completely what you were saying lol. Most of our day to day is determined by things that are only real because we have decided they are. Morality, laws, language… none of it’s real, except that it is.
I am! Still no dates though…
I must be uglier than that guy because no one has ever said anything nice about me when I share pics. :(
Post pic, I won’t marry you but I will say something nice.
You have nice red hair.
The candy cane shaped spine compliments it very well.
I am frothing at the gash here
There’s medicine for that. Vitamin D!
Oh yeah! (High fives random dudebro)
I’m so cool, I know I know. :P
Have you tried making a video reaching 20m views?
Not quite… 16k on a Skyrim video I made when I was in my 20’s where I just spend 15 minutes calling a dude on the TES forums dumb. The comments keep equating me to Jonah Hill, specifically his character from Superbad.
That’s good right?
depends on how good you are at drawing penises
This guy different from that guy who married a comment girl that only wanted benefits from his citizenship and divorced him like two months in?
If that’s what actually happened she likely fucked herself over.
Most countries require years of history before citizenship is granted, and if you divorce before that (without “cause” like abuse) you’re not getting benefits. And if it comes out that it was all for citizenship/visa (ex. green card marriage) you get yourself on a list for trying to defraud the government and can’t return. Not to mention the fines and potential jail time.
And someone’s broken heart!
Rizzonometry 101
Damn bro even the “ugly” guys have more luck than me :(
That’s because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The big point is that you need to get out there, take risks, ask a girl or guy, sometimes get a date, sometimes get rejected… you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
If you really are out there, go to hobby clubs, be it stamp collection or a gymnasium, or a bar, go places, go meet people. I can’t talk for you of course but in my experience most people with the “nobody wants me!” problem never go out. How is anyone to like you if nobody knows you exist?
It’s like being a website. Get your ass on google, Facebook, Reddit, whatever. If nobody can find your site, your site may as well not exist.
And just to be clear: Being rejected sucks. But it’s part of life and you move on. Don’t try to date Ana de Armas right away, and complain that no girl wants you. Date normal guys and or gals, ideally with People that share your likes and values. Don’t settle for the first person who you date, find out what you like, find out what you hate but FFS, find out! Go out, do something, don’t just sit inside.
Honestly I would rather be lonely than be the guy that makes women uncomfortable by hitting on them.
There’s a significant gap between thinking “she’s cute, I’ll ask if she’s available” and catcalling while trying to molest her.
Okay? I didn’t say there wasn’t?
And asking that is also considered sexual harrassment time to time, when the person asking is ugly.
Make a video about it duh
Most ugly people are not really ugly, they just need a haircut and a higher quality webcam.
I mean she found him cute so he wasn’t actually ugly.
I on the other hand get “oh, you looked better from far away.” You want ugly I can show you ugly! Lmao
Show me
Imagine Peewee Herman but much uglier, balding, hairy, and 5’6" lol
Actually sounds kimda hot to me. Just because you aren’t attracted to you doesn’t mean I won’t be. I guess the trick is finding aomeone you are also attracted to in return.
“much uglier, balding, short”
“Sounds kinda hot”
Why can’t people like you live near me!? lmao
I should say that while I’m not exactly “picky” as in passing over people for superficial things, I also don’t want “just anyone.” So like sure, I could probably pick up a real mess of a person with all sorts of drama, but then I’d be with a mess of a person with all sorts of drama lol
Tbf, you also said “hairy,” which is a huge turn-on for some ladies. My SO is obsessed with hairy. I didn’t know that was a thing until her.
Get confident. That’s what sold my girl on me. I walk, talk and otherwise behave confidently, even when I have no fu#$ing clue.
Bonus points: my SO also points out when other girls check me out. I’m oblivious to that stuff, so that’s a nice boost.
The confidence thing helps some people, but I don’t think I have much success with that. I come off as very insecure on lemmy because I’m anonymous and can be open and honest about how I see myself, but when I’m out and about I’m walking with my chest high and when communicating I’m generally charming, always aiming to make someone laugh.
For someone who hates a lot about myself, you wouldn’t know it at all if you met me in person lol
Sorry but can you show me? This is so relatable
Mix Peewee Hermans face with Danny devitos hair and height and then imagine that person is actually uglier than just that combo lol
I feel attacked. First of all, both of those guys are hot. Paul Rubens was always hot as fuck in my opinion. Seriously. He’s just my type. And Danny Devito is one of those guys that becomes hot as you get to know him a bit. Then, he becomes a complete fucking stud.
Hard to imagine, also I don’t think that would necessarily be bad-looking. Hard to judge without photographs, would like to ask for one if it’s fine
I don’t really know how to do that without it being visible for others, I don’t really want to link my face to my account.
I know I’ve pretty much given up my general location in comments elsewhere, but I feel like I can be most honest when I have at least some form of anonymity lol
I see, sorry for asking. Have a good day!
No need to apologize, I appreciate your curiosity! I hope you have a good day too! :)
Wow this comment section is kinda scary if you think to hard about it, but as a man it’s not dangerous for me personally as I’m not dating men so it’s also kinda entertaining to see all the salt that gets thrown around.
I would say someone commenting that is a red flag but that’s not wholesome
He’s not even ugly, he just needs a better haircut and a tan lol
I read this comment on Youtube long time ago lol
Haircut sure, tan tho?? What are you 45? He also needed some different glasses and maybe hit the gym more. I hate how that makes me sound haha
Hitting the gym and a little more thought into his dressing?
What are you a womanizer red pill guru?! Next thing you know this guy is spinning 5 plates of spaghetti.
Oh god I’ve been exposed.
A tan would make him look less like a corpse
Hey I think corpses are sexy
Yeah, some women dig the marilyn manson look lol
Best game of chicken player of the world
I’m experiencing yet
That’s a good story. I wish them a lot of happy years together.
I used to work with two guys I called “Tall Todd” and “Tall Paul”. Both were really smart and part of our IT department. Both in shape-ish, skinny, very tall.
Paul was conventionally hot - his side job was modeling, he made money at it and I did once unexpectedly see him on a national advertisement. Hot, you understand? He was nice, friendly, I wasn’t attracted to him but could see he was physically really good looking, and was outgoing and pleasant, creative guy, good Halloween costumes.
Tall Todd wasn’t good looking like that, and had the additional baggage of being named Todd, but had this way of existing in the world that was just so comfortable and made you feel comfortable. I think when people say confidence this is what they mean - not cockiness but this self acceptance. He was just so attractive without being physically attractive - he wasn’t ugly exactly but unremarkable in looks. But goodness he was attractive in real life. Magnetic.
I do not know how people get that sort of confidence but it’s not by being really good looking.
Being tall is like 75% of being physically attractive according to most surveys.
If you’re over 6’ the “how tall are you” is either the first or second question on every date along with “what do you do for work”
It’s kinda sad how predictable we can be as animals
It’s interesting how bad I’m getting downvoted…
It is acceptable to say rich people, white people, men have a natural advantage.
But saying pretty people also have an advantage is horrible…
Lol
Being rich is not natural. And it’s a red flag because you don’t get rich without being an asshole.
I had a friend in college like Todd. Weird looking dude, but every time you talked to him you just felt good. He was fun to talk to and interesting but a good listener too. You were just happy to have spent time talking to him. Now I’m not into guys so I can’t say subjectively if that made him attractive, but based on what I’d heard he had all the men and women he wanted throwing themselves at him, and I believe it.
And for the people saying your friend was leaning on height, this guy was about the height of the average woman and hung out with a lady over 6’
They were tall, and I’m not disputing the whole “attractive people are more attractive” idea. I don’t think that comfortable - confidence vibe comes from looks, you can be good looking and very insecure about your looks, uncomfortable because everyone is looking at you, and I’m sure Tall Paul was comfortable enough with his looks to make money off them but didn’t have it.
People absolutely get that kind of confidence by being really good looking…
What you found was an outlier, a unicorn. It happens but that in no way changes reality.
You can also get that kind of confidence by not worrying about where you fall on the attractiveness scale. I like to think I’m that way. If I wanted to I could definitely pick out things that might make me ugly, but I don’t worry about it. I care more about the interactions I have with people than I do about how I physically look. The only things about my appearance that give me a degree of confidence are just things that amuse me, like that I always wear the same color scheme or that my normal and facial hair differ in color and texture.
I can think of at least two of my friends who also share the quality of being comfortable and self accepting despite not being physically attractive, and I really enjoy being friends with them.
TWO WHOLE FRIENDS! Stop the presses!
The research has been done on this. The undeniable fact is “pretty” people have a clear advantage in life.
I know that may make you feel uncomfortable, but it’s the truth. The same as being poor is a disadvantage so is being ugly.
Just like someone who grows up poor can overcome it, so can ugly people. But that doesn’t mean the disadvantage isn’t there…
I have this strange suspicion that you find yourself to be ugly.
You called one person being that way an outlier, so I added three more from my own experience (two friends and myself.)
And yeah, maybe that is still an outlier. I’m willing to accept that, because I have something that might explain why it’s more common with the people I know. The three of us are part of a Christian fellowship, and Phillipians 3:3 says we have confidence in Christ and not the flesh - interestingly enough, I literally just got back from a Bible study with that group where we hit that verse.
You also might know three people that are more confident in themselves because confident people tend to be outgoing and know lots of other people, compared to people who aren’t very confident.
Well then most people would know such a person.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friendship_paradox
Yup, they would, but that wouldn’t really dismiss the other guy’s point.
This wasn’t the point as i read, the question was about confidence. And this has little to do with how “pretty” you are. Your confidence is only in your mind. Sure if others think of you as ugly, it’s harder to gain confidence. But I think especially a lot of girls have confidence issues with their appearance despite looking “good”.
I guess my appearance is just otherworldly towards ugliness…
Where’d you get that from?
Because I have hard time ignoring my appearance issues because people bring it up so often. I cannot comprehend being able to ignore those…
Who’s bringing up your appearance issues? Friends? Family? Bullies? Strangers in the street?
Ofc not families, but social peers and strangers bring these up. I don’t have friends… Maybe so many people are just bullies?
You get that kind of confidence by not giving a shit about what other people think in terms of your physical attractiveness. I don’t think I’m especially good looking. I also couldn’t give less of a shit. Which is why I have the confidence to have the facial hair of a 19th century president. Because a mutton chops beard is fucking awesome. I’m married, but I wouldn’t even care if I was single. I’m keeping my mutton chops.
I wish this kind of attitude is acceptable in my country. Over here, even something like this is enough to make you weirdo and quickly alienate you.
I am a weirdo and maybe it does make people stay away from me. I just don’t care.
Does that mean you have zero friends, struggle to get a job, and generally socially isolated? If not, I don’t think we have the same problem.
Absolutely, I said it gives a natural advantage, it is more like getting a good starting hand in cards. It doesn’t mean you automatically win. Or loose if you get a 4,5…
Too many in this thread are for a variety of reasons taking my statement to mean “OMG if you’re not pretty you’re doomed”
- Finds unicorn in reality.
- “No, no—but this doesn’t change reality.”
You do understand what an outlier is? Did you not take basic math in high school?
I mean damn, I know this is the Internet, but I thought Lemmy users could understand basic statistics…
You also feel that because one person won the lottery every can/should?
Being ugly is a disadvantage, like other disadvantages (poor, stupid,etc) it can be overcome. But that doesn’t change the fact that it is one.
Did you not take basic math in high school?
Have you? Where is your data that indicates this is an outlier?
lemme google that (or duck duck go) for you…
https://www.vice.com/en/article/epz8pk/psychology-pretty-privilege-attractive-people
https://www.science.org/content/article/scienceshot-brain-rewards-us-looking-pretty-faces
I mean common sense would help you with your denial. But there are dozens of other links if you go look.
Let’s see.
Article 1: “pretty privilege exists.”
Article 2: “pretty privilege exists.”
Article 3: “pretty face privilege exists.”
None of these indicate that being seen and rewarded for being a relaxed, confident, comfortable guy is an outlier thing that rarely happens.
Also, I asked for data, not articles.
Wasting your time arguing with that one, he’s likely already back in front of his mirror to stare at his hideous visage and silently judge himself.
Unfortunately :/
Visual pushback against bad ideas can be good for a community, though. I dunno. Mostly, I just wish people would stop being so doomer.
Hens tooth but okay
