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Idiocracy
You would get sued by FOX ‘News’ for copying their daily programming.
Scully and Mulder often had to clarify “they were in an area that did not get great cellphone coverage” thirty years ago, they were always getting separated in urban settings
Also you couldn’t make Home Alone 2 today because most of the actors are a lot older now.
That one guy who gives Kevin directions is 78 now!
Now I want to see a 44-year old McCauley Culkin doing a new home alone, where his kids forget him at home.
I’d rather see a remake/reboot where Culkin plays a character similar to old man Marley, accidentally scaring the kid character as a local urban legend. Similar to the scene in the church in the classic, he could empathize with the kid of the movie by talking about how he once wished that his family left him alone in that time of year too, and he quickly found that he regretted that wish and he missed them terribly. A decent writer could roll with that concept and still make it a great scene where the kid has wise advice to impart so it’s not just a soulless excuse for people to go “hey, that’s OG Kevin!” I’m not that writer, but hopefully a good writer reads this and can get a solid idea together to pitch so I can see that movie in my lifetime.
And he has early stage parkinsons, with hilarious consequences? I like your thinking, kiddo. you’re hired!
The Critic did that joke way back in the 90s.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fonlEU7dFwA
And if you’re interested in The Critic, I’ve authored the definitive episode guide and I suggest you BUY MY BOOK! BUY MY BOOK! BUY MY BOOK! BUY MY BOOK!
The peanut, is neither a pee nor a nut.
That shit had little kid me rolling on floor. And I still laugh thinking about it. Iirc it was the critics dad who said it… and for some reason I think he was on the ceiling when he said it.
Also I could not find your book on Amazon or at my local library.
I want to see a new Home Alone where 44-year old McCauley Culkin plays an 8 year old and no one acknowledges that he isn’t actually 8 years old.
Hey if Martin Short could do it, so csn McCauly
Home Alone where Culkin plays Kevin again, but he’s an adult and paranoid about people breaking into his house while his wife is on vacation, so he’s rigged the whole thing as a death trap.
Remake Don’t Breathe but with an adult Kevin, essentially.
You couldn’t make a sequel to The Matrix because it shouldn’t be made.
You couldn’t make Gone With the Wind today because everyone in it has died
Technically Correct
Use different actors?
Since everyone in the previous one is dead, why would they take the chance?
100% of people who live, die. Don’t live! Wait, no…
Actually, only around 92% of all people who ever lived, died. So there is a chance!
The later in history you’re born, the lower your chances of dying. People born in 2024 have only a ~3% chance of being dead, while the death rate for people born just 100 years ago is over 99%. We’ve gotten much better at being alive as time goes on!
This table from the SSA messes me up. Apparently at 119 you’ve still got a 1 in 10 chance of survival. That seems rather optimistic.
IF you have already lived to 119 ……
Your life expectancy is 0.6 years ……
AND you have a one in ten chance of surviving one year
Everyone?
Rip!
This reminded me of a question I had a while ago, but maybe it is easier to search up now. What is the oldest movie with at least one actor who is still alive, and what is the newest movie where no actors are still alive.
Maria Riva, the daughter of Marlene Dietrich, played as a child actress in The Scarlett Empress (1934) and is still alive. She’s 99 years old now.
Your other question is much harder to answer.
I appreciate the answer! And I agree that the second one is a question that I am not sure how to find the answer to. It would be easier if we only limited it to the cast, but if it was extended to the crew, it gets a bit more complicated
If it gets to the crew or extras, it becomes impossible. Lots of them you wouldn’t even find out if they died from public sources.
Main cast may be doable, it’ll probably be a hobby film done by one person.There is one way to be sure
Any movie where 1 cell phone would resolve the situation. A lot of serial camper killers would get shut down pretty fast.
Introduce a character that’s a teacher so sick of cellphones in their class they bought a jammer off the internet. Make that character the serial killer’s first victim.
Logical solutions to problems don’t happen in many kinds of horror movies. Even the tiniest bit of common sense applied would destroy so many, cell phones or no.
It would be kinda funny for someone to make something that starts as a horror movie but then everyone acts in a sensible manner without contrived reasons for their efforts failing, resulting in the whole dangerous situation falling apart over the course of the plot until its more a sort of parody of horror movies than a proper example.
If only Hollywood paid good writers what they’re worth.
That’s just a normal movie
The best horror movies are the ones where all the characters act in a highly capable and intelligent way and the monster/force/whatever still keeps beating them. Like The Thing. Or Alien.
Our group of teenagers should definitely split up to search for the monster and/or serial killer!
Rather than making a swift exit to anywhere else, we should instead hide in this building where we think the killer is
Let’s walk right by the car we got here in and go house in the creepy building that we think the killer lives in and that we were too scared to enter before he killed our friends!
Oh my god! It’s the killers childhood home where he brutally killed one of his family members in each room! Let’s hide in there, but we should each find a hiding spot in a different room.
What if we kissed on the infanticide balcony
That’s why I love Cabin in the woods. They make it a creepy movie, but also make fun of all the common horror tropes by having the haunted grounds be a very orchestrated event.
“Oh no my cell phone doesn’t work” It’s because the creepy org turned on a cell phone jammer
“Why don’t they just leave?” The creepy org blows up a shit load of tnt to make the tunnel collapse
“Why don’t they find an alternate route out?” The creepy org put a fucking force field around the area.
That movie definitely ventured in to silly territory, but then it was quite directly a well-meaning parody of horror movies that kinda’ HAD to get a bit silly to do too much with the premise.
Commando. Arnold spends a good chunk of the movie stopping people from getting to a pay phone to let the bad guy know he escaped their custody
Not just cellphones but every house now is equipped with a camera on the doorbell and possibly several more throughout the house. Back in the day serial killers basically just had to not be around when the police showed up and had a pretty good chance of just getting away
scribbling notes
- don’t be there when police arrive
- also steal the cameras and tech
Also disable the Internet beforehand so that the cameras don’t upload stuff to cloud storage.
There are also a swath of movies that couldn’t be made because of the ubiquity of surveillance cameras.
Who did it!?! ~Checks camera~
Jesus Christ it’s Jason Bourne
Heh in the new Mission Impossible, it’s
Tap for spoiler
a scary computer program interfering with the audio/video feeds so you couldn’t rely on them. Pretty well done overall, not bad at least.
Just put the camp outside of cell service. Plenty of camping in the mountains outside of cell service.
Still fully believable
The newer phones have satellite SOS features.
That’s not at all common yet though, it’s pretty much a gimmick in a few select phones.
Pfft, that’s a fad that will never catch on. Just like that internet thingy.
You wouldn’t make “Back To The Future” now because it wouldn’t be the future…
BTTF remake, traveling between 2025, 1995, and 2055, with new problems for those particular times? Marty introduces dubstep to the grunge crowd? Accidentally prevents the spread of the Internet?
And somehow when he comes back to the present Trump was elected President. What did he do!?
Tubes? Where we’re going, we won’t need a series of them.
Forward to the past?
The first movie doesn’t even go to the future, and they say ‘back to the future’ to mean returning to 1985.
You couldn’t make Jaws today because the ubiquity of cheap drones means the shark would be tracked continuously until it left Amity Island.
I have to disagree. The shark spends the vast majority of its time underwater, not within viewing distance. And they didn’t tag it with any tracker.
Could they tag it with a tracker these days? Absolutely. But none of the individuals on board the Orca would likely have been funded for that, even including Hooper. He was a rich boy, but how rich could he have been if he’s hiring Quint instead of a proper crew on a research vessel?
He was a rich boy, but how rich could he have been if he’s hiring Quint instead of a proper crew on a research vessel?
That feels very “those billionaires wouldn’t have realistically gone down on that titan submersible” to me
Half of The Meg 2 is basically Jaws, but with Jason Statham Jason Stathaming the sharks
You couldn’t make Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone now because you’re not Warner Brothers and don’t own the copyright.
You couldn’t make Blazing Saddles today because Westerns aren’t nearly as popular as they once were, and so it’ll be harder for jokes to land
What in the wide, wide world of sports is that supposed to mean?
Also Gene Wilder hasn’t done anything for 8 years
Dude…too soon.
Period Westerns aren’t much popular. However:
- Wind River
- Hell or High Water (<- do NOT sleep on this one!)
- No Country for Old Men
- Sicario
…and so on.
Westworld
Mel Brooks did an animated movie called the Legend of Hank that was more or less a kid friendly remake of Blazing Saddled to prove he could make it today.
…how kid friendly? Haven’t been able to introduce my kids to his stuff yet!
It’s definitely nowhere near a PG-13
It’s basically just Blazing Saddles, only it’s about a village of cats in an Eastern Setting who are protected by a Samurai, guy wants an excuse to destroy the town, realizes that if the town kills an official Samurai he can destroy the town… So he pulls a sneaky and hires a naive dog with a desire to become a samurai to be one in a world where cats are racist against dogs.
It backfires when the dog is good at his job enough to dissuade the bigots
Heathers.
Revenge of the Nerds.
Revenge of the Nerds would work but it would be all the worst characters in the Zoomer Generation. And maybe they would treat the themes of alcoholism and rape a little differently.
And also the Javelin throw scene wouldn’t work because the Javelins are heavily regulated by the modern rules.
They tried to make a modern Heathers… and it REALLY didn’t work.
What was is called?
There’s actually 2 recent versions.
A tv show that was pretty up its own ass in trying to paint the new Heathers as overtly millennial.
And a musical which I’ve only seen the TV adapted version of and it was… decent.
I dunno man, I grew up with the original as a favorite of my early and mid-teens so I probably have some sacred cows about it that prevent me from accepting any updates as something more than a pale imitation.
Same with Mean Girls
You couldn’t make Casablanca today because that movie already exists.
I mean, technically you could still make it though… it likely wouldn’t sell any copies, but then again look at Skibidi, or better yet, don’t:-D.
I enjoyed that clip, thank you for sharing.:-)
It’s a fantastic show if you haven’t seen it. The first half of season one can be a little rough, but it really picks up in season 2 and beyond. It’s amazingly well written, and has visual gags that you don’t notice until the second or third time watching.
The show seems too “realistic” to me, as in its jokes hit too close to home where it hurts 🤕:-P, but that’s why I appreciate clips like these that show off its great depth well in shorter form.
Although whoever was downvoting you seems to disagree - I guess the show is controversial? (Casue if people did not get the joke, then why bother downvoting?)
They couldn’t make Mrs Doubtfire in this day & age - no one would believe Pierce Brosnan and Sally Field make enough money to afford a live-in nanny.
Also, they couldn’t make Mrs. Doubtfire 2. Full stop. There will never be a sequel to that magnificent gem.
And then there’s the whole drag thing.
It’d be spotted immediately, like Tobias as Mr. Fingerbottom.
Mrs Featherbottom
When Maeby calls him Mr Fingerbottom he only corrects the “Mrs.”
Everyone would just accept that they hired a drag queen for a nanny.
Today on house hunters international…
I thought Pierce Brosnan’s character was some sort of rich guy. I forget what Sally Field did.
Yeah, he is a rich dude, whole thing in the script about his luxury car. However Sally and Robin Williams? Absolutely could not afford that house in SF today.
There’s a lot of real middle class families in SF who have a house like that…because one of their grandparents bought it in 1933 and they inherited it
So millionaires
Yeah
Also Robin Williams is dead.
You couldn’t make Blazing Saddles these days. They’d take one look at the script and go
spoiler
“We can’t make this, this is Blazing Saddles, they made it 40 years ago. Do you want Mel Brooks to sue us?”
I thought they would go:
spoiler
Funny story Mel Brooks actually did an animated version of Blazing Saddles called The Legend of Hank to prove that he absolutely could make it today.
It’s basically the same concept but with samurai instead of cowboys.
“Ain’t no business like shogun business.”
I feel that people who think Blazing Saddles is too risque to get made today are the butt of the jokes they thought were funny.
As a side note: I thought I liked Westerns because I loved Blazing Saddles. Then I watched a few Westerns during the pandemic and now I realize I just like Blazing Saddles. lol
Huh. TIL.
Though the actual argument for why you couldn’t make Blazing Saddles now is the the entire genre it’s lampooning is dead.
The humor is pretty much still fine and flies, other than Mel playing a Native American, but even that is still kinda-maybe-sorta-okayish-maybe? since Mel’s character isn’t the butt of the joke, but other than that brief scene I can’t recall anything that watching now makes me cringe.
Men in Tights, however…
What’s wrong with Men in Tights?
They roam around the forest looking for fights.
I watched it recently with my kids and it was a bit cringey, in that the humor seems to be targeted at teenage boys. Spaceballs was much better.
Every decent joke in the film was a repeat from a previous, better Mel Brooks film.
I think the Mel Brooks scene is satirizing old Hollywood’s habit of casting whites in the roles of poc. Plus, I don’t see how a yiddish speaking native could be offensive to anybody.
3 weeks after release Israel starts setting up fences around a small bit of Arizona and calls it the very west bank.
Missed opportunity for wild west bank.
Oh, that is much better.
You might be right, and maybe the reference to old Hollywood was more subtle and went over my head.
I think it’s the fact that he speaks Yiddish in that scene rather than…well anything else. I can kind of read it as a comment on the tendency of the Western genre to cast white actors in deerskin clothing and feather headdresses instead of actual Native Americans…so I’m kind of willing to file it in the same folder as Robert Downey Jr. wearing blackface in tropic thunder. For that scene to be made today I’d want to see that point more clearly made, and I’d want real Native Americans involved in the production to be on board with it.
I think the big difference with Tropic Thunder is that the IDEA of black face is very explicitly the joke. Robert Downey Jr’s character and the idea of black face is what is being made fun of.
You might be right that it’s a commentary on Westerns, and it went over my head, and maybe because it was made when it was you didn’t have to be as explicit with the target of the joke it was just more subtle. The scene certainly doesn’t feel hateful, but it’s definitely odd to watch today. But given how explicitly the movie is making fun of racists and racism I’m certainly willing to give it some benefit of the doubt.
Yeah the blackface in Tropic Thunder is very much in the text of the film. I seem to remember it being a direct parody of a Vietnam War movie where a white actor unironically played a black man, but I may be Mandela Effected because I can’t find any references to this.
Mel Brooks playing an Indian Chief in a short scene in Blazing Saddles…doesn’t really have room for it to be in the text, but given the movie has an overall theme of racism in Westerns I think the subtext at least could be there. Especially since this movie leans on, breaks, then demolishes and spills out through the fourth wall, it has that same “we’re actors playing roles” mechanic that Tropic Thunder does. Slim Pickens even delivers the line “I’m working for Mel Brooks!”
I am looking forward to whatever he comes out with in Space Balls 2 though. That’s going to be fun. And Rick Moranis will be back!
Love watching this movie on network TV.
They leave in all the N-words and censor the farts.
well no one wants to hear such an abbhorant sound coming from their television now would they?
*Marge farts* “Well, that shut me up…”
https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/24/travel/spirit-airlines-6-year-old-wrong-flight/index.html
But also once you’re past security, which as I recall in the film where Kevin gets lost, he could definitely get on the wrong plane. Any sort of on flight check could easily be excused away with a new flight attendant or Kevin being covered by a cost or any other silly reason.
Spirit Airlines
See there’s your problem right there
