I have occasional bathroom issues caused by food sensitivities (damn your delicious yet toxic nature, nacho cheese).
These bathroom issues involves pooping a bunch of times in one day. The frequent pooping and wiping severely irritate my poor butthole, aggravating hemorrhoids and anal fissures.
I know lots of people around here swear by the miracle of bidets, but before I start shopping around, I’m wondering if there are any naysayers out there who just don’t like bidets, along with why that’s the case.
Bonus question: how do I use a bidet? Most of the instructions I’ve found are a bit delicate about the details. Anyone want to give me a detailed description of how and what to do?
My swollen, bloody anus thanks you.
how do I use a bidet?
-
After pooping, you continue to sit on the toilet.
-
You turn the knob on the bidet handle.
-
The stream sprays the shit flecks off your asshole, they go down into toilet.
-
Then you use a tiny portion of the TP you are accustomed to use to dry the whole situation.
-
I’ve got me some IBS, and have had a raw asshole on several occasions from the multi-poops.
Got a cold water model off Amazon for under $100, and love it. Not too much of a pain to install, and once it’s set it works great.
How I Use It
I lean forward so the cheeks open up like a delicate flower, then I turn the knob until I get a nice steady firehose blasting my asshole. I then shift my weight so the water runs along my crack, power washing each side in turn, then return to center for a final rinse of the dirty mud hole. If my butt’s a tingling from my unholy addiction to hot peppers, I might linger a bit to let the cool water soothe the pain, before finally turning off the water.
After a few seconds of dripping, it’s time for the paper. Grab a sheet or two and give a wipe, see if there’s any residue left. If so, keep wiping till it’s gone as usual, but using like 1/3 the paper you’d normally use for the same job. Now there’s no more raw asshole unless I get the shits at work and have to wipe with the literal tree bark they call toilet paper.
I try to wipe after bidet, and the paper disintegrates and sticks to my ass in a million pieces. What am I doing wrong?
I have 2 in my home, one is the fancy one (not that fancy but 200 bucks from Costco on sale) the other is basic. Fancy one I feel like anyone would love, seat is warmed a little on cold mornings, has a heated tank for a perfectly gentle temperature, can adjust pressure and position (forward or back), can have a gentle pulse for extra cleaning assistance, and a dryer. The basic one is unheated and has a pressure knob that can go from gentle all the way up to blast you off the toilet, and you have to adjust yourself to the right spot. If you’re willing to spend more for the nice options and have an outlet close enough to your toilet you’ll likely be very happy. The basic one I’m very happy to use if the other is inaccessible and took some getting used to but still miles better than nothing. I never feel clean without a bidet anymore.
HOW does the fancy one adjust? Is it motorized so you can do it while sitting down, or you have to reach in there and adjust it then sit back down, then adjust, then sit back down and then adjust hoping that you finally got it right.
We got no outlets that are that close to the tank which kills any interest in me trying one out since having just cold water is pretty much a deal breaker in my opinion. I know I could wire one in there, but this is obviously more work.
It has a remote control, so you just tap the button for forward or back and it adjusts.
I can only think of 2 downsides to our bidet:
- Ours attaches to a regular toilet, and it does make it harder to clean particularly around the jet mechanism. Someone needs to invent a bidet for cleaning bidets.
- Going anyplace without one now makes me hate life.
💀
Since my question on bidet use for women was answered here, what about for obese people? Would using a bidet make things easier or more difficult? I see a lot here about shifting your weight and all that but I wonder if this is feasible for someone who is 100lbs + overweight.
We have a bidet attachment and my partner loves it, but i don’t like it at all.
Loving the clear, graphic answers in here, so can I piggyback on this to ask a question for vagina owning bidet users please:
How do you use it so it doesn’t sploosh poo bacteria into your vagina? Doesn’t the water trickle down into your bits?
You have to angle your body such that the water drips straight down and not toward the front. It requires some practice to get the hang of.
How much practice? I’m not very good at practicing. If something is a faff I’m liable to give up quickly, particularly if it’s something that could be icky.
You can probably get it down in one sitting. Just make sure you can get the angle right before actually going so you don’t end up with an infection.
Don’t have any links, but about a year ago a saw an article about a study on bidets and genital bacteria and bidet users with vaginas were found to have higher fecal bacterial counts.
It feels really uncomfortable, to the extreme. Theres no pain, but it feels wrong.
I don’t own one, but any of the times I’ve ever tried using some sort of fancy toilet seat with a sprayer, it squirts at such a force that it’s uncomfortable. It sucks because I have IBS and I have to be really picky about TP.
You get used to it after a couple uses - as in knowing where to position and how much knob to use. It’s always uncomfortable if you aren’t used to it.
I don’t mind bidets, though I’ve never installed one, since I can’t imagine they’d be fun to clean.
Here’s the thing, though…I have a system I consider superior to a bidet in pretty much every way. See, I noticed a long time ago that I poop somewhere between 0.9 and 1.1 times per day on average, and I aim to shower at least once per day. I don’t know about you, but I noticed a certain opportunity for synergy there. I call it the PoopShower system (patent pending), and after many years of using it, I don’t feel adequately clean even after using a bidet. So my personal ranking is: PoopShower, (looooong gap), bidet, TP, newspaper, leaves.
I like to shower after I poop, but the timing doesn’t always line up appropriately, especially if you happen to be a bit ill like OP.
And even when the stars align, I still want to use toilet paper first to get the worst of it off.
Definitely TP before shower.
And I dunno. occasionally the timing doesn’t line up, but the vast majority of the time…I can just wait.
Eat some fricking fiber.
