I find it sad that there are so many people that put up with abusive situations, unpleasant situations, out of a misguided “but I must respect Japan” and “this is the way it is in Japan.”
Also, where do you get the idea that Japanese are obsessed with cleanliness? Have you ever looked in an office or home or stairwell? Dust and grime settling for years. Dust bunnies growing by the cables. the handrail is cleaned, but 8 inches higher on the railing, it hasn’t been dusted for a decade. Crap not thrown out because MAYBE the mini-disk player will be useful later. Add in that it is known many people actually dont wash hand after the restroom break.
No, your “friend” is not behaving “normal” to Japanese standards. This person is rude and borderline abusive. They probably get off on having a “foreigner friend,” and they can lord it over that they helped you, so you must listen to them.
I’m not sure if you are a tender 23 or a timid 35, but decent people don’t treat others this way. It isn’t because they are Japanese. They are not a nice person.
You can’t solve this problem. If you tell them, they will gaslight you into thinking it’s your fault. They won’t do it because they are Japanese. They will do it because they aren’t a nice person.
Break up with this friend or tell the labor boards about the employer.