Turns out the reply in my thread telling me the best way to combat not caring about Linux is to care about Linux was absolutely correct.
I picked up a laptop, installed Linux Mint Cinnamon, and I’m already obsessed. I haven’t had this much fun with a PC in a long time and it’s just a cheapo Dell Inspiron 3520.
Not to scare you away, but I have experience getting Linux to run on a Surface Laptop 2 and… It’s not exactly the easiest process…
For my machine it required a custom kernel to get the touchpad and keyboard working and it just always had one quirk or another.
Highly recommend Linux, but those surface devices need some specialized drivers…