I have almost no friends, and I don’t get much out of the friends I have. We don’t share many of the same hobbies and we all live pretty far apart. Some are also pretty right wing, and me being a closeted trans woman, makes me fear that I will lose them if I come out.
I want to go to meetings of my party (or protests where my party is present) so I can build connections with people who I share the same worldview with but have only been able to go a couple of times and most of the time when there’s a meeting or protest I am busy with something else.
When it comes to going out, it sucks going to concerts on your own, because no one else around you wants to go. I do have one friend with whom I go to concerts sometimes, but that’s when he asks me to join him. When it comes to my concerts, it’s musicians he doesn’t like. I could ask my parents or my brother but they also don’t always like the musicians I like. I just want to a have a steady group of friends so there’s always someone available to do fun stuff with together, whether that be going to a concert, clubbing, sport events, etc. If one friend can’t go or doesn’t want to, I can always ask another friend. I don’t have that privilege right now.
At least I am now able to go out alone, in the past I would’ve just stayed at home, but having to go out alone still hurts. And in some cases I still don’t want to go out alone. I don’t want to go to a bar alone for example.
And it’s not like I want a best friend, all I want is some extra friends. This situation right now is making me feel more alone and it’s hard to stay positive.
Honestly same place. I am so different than anyone else I can never wholly be myself. So I accepted that I’ll always be lonely in the way that I’ll never be understood. But I’m lacking in let’s say friends who you can be partly yourself to.
I always adjust myself according to people. I am something to someone and something else to other. Some people know me kind hearted, some people see me cold blooded, some see me shy some see me cheerful.
At this point I don’t even know who I am. I see myself as a complex puzzle consisting of many pieces. My pieces can never fully fit another so I just have to show only a part.
I feel so lonely. And I know I’ll always be in the deepest sense. I at least wish I could partly be understood. I don’t even have that. I am just too different from the norm in pretty much every way.
I, shouldn’t continue. I’m going to cry for a while.
Also I’m sorry for turning your post into my rant. It just came pouring.
This spoke to my soul, i really feel this
I cry in traffic sometimes to and from work or school. I used to have more life in me
Have you been able to find people who you can be at least partly yourself to?
I’m glad to know I am not alone in feeling so isolated and different than everyone else.