The ADHD urge to lie about why you didn’t do something because “my brain refused to start on it” doesn’t make sense to a lot of neurotypicals.
This behavior has gotten me into a lot of shit over the years😬🤦♂️
#ADHD #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #neurodiverse #neurodivergence #ADHDmemes
This is why I love my current job and my friendship group’s. In both circles “I didn’t do that because I’ve been struggling with my ADHD” is a completely valid reason.
I mean, at work it’s followed by a short “what do we do to get over that hurdle?” because obviously I can’t just, not do my job.
But at least I’m not having to make shit up, and I can actually get to the root of the problem (being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world) and address it. Even if addressing it is just my boss giving me a fake deadline to put the pressure on the task.
Or because they’re tired of hearing “I just forgot”. You can only say “I forgot (because Zi was overwhelmed, because the task wasn’t interesting, because I got distracted, because I can’t remember lists, because I do a soft reset every time I walk through a doorway)” so many times, even though it keeps being true.
No, it makes perfect sense. You’re trying to avoid responsibility for a problem which is natural and human.
NGL, I’ve just accepted that it won’t make sense to the neurotypicals.
I’ll straight up say “sorry, my brain wouldn’t let me do it” or “the guy upstairs is really fighting me right now” while pointing at my head.
Best case, they understand what I mean. Worst case, they think I’m crazy, which is a best case in and of itself.
Yeah the co-workers that think I’m “crazy” leave me alone and don’t ask me to complete stuff so its a huge win.
seriously though it doesn’t even make a lot of sense to me.
nor does forgetting the thing - like no one I work with has this problem why me
ADD/ADHD is an executive function failure related to feedback and it’s relationship to motivation. Normies never experience that on anything approaching a regular basis. As such, trying to explain that to them is like trying to explain what the colour of the number seven smells like. They’ll be all, “well, just do it. How hard could it be?”
Jokes aside, I’d love to figure out how to help my kid with this. Sometimes shit just isn’t in the cards and it causes a lot of pain between us.
@Gradually_Adjusting @adhd well I hope nobody perceives it as a joke…I’m dead serious. I’ve lied SO much when I was younger about why I didn’t finish something. But I live in the US Deep South and nobody believes in mental issues here.🤦♂️
Nah dude from the parent’s perspective this shit ain’t always that funny lmao… I enjoy the humour but I also take it seriously. I’m grateful that so many people with ADHD make memes and shitposts about their experiences because it helps me to empathise with my kid.
I’m with you. My kid has adhd and I read these comics, not for the humor, but to get an idea of what’s going on in his head.
Thank you for doing that. Thank you for making an effort to understand him. Like a parent should! Thank you so much! I genuinely mean it. 💖
It depends on what specifically you’re trying to get him to do, but something I’ve found very helpful is setting up the environment in a way that will lower the “initiation energy” of something to make it easier to start doing. YMMV on what does or doesn’t work for him, my spouse and I have found labels and organizing by task to be a huge help in making it easier to start things because now I have to devote 0% of my brain power to wandering around finding everything I need and staying on task, and I don’t need to root through drawers to find it.
Sensory adjustments to the environment might also be useful, like changing light levels, noise blocking headphones/ear plugs, or playing white noise/natural noises. And it sounds hippy dippy as fuck, but time in outdoor green spaces has been shown to improve symptoms in kids with ADHD, so if you guys aren’t regularly spending time outside or at the park it could be a good to incorporate it.
You’re already doing a lot more than many parents just by trying to understand and empathize instead of beating it out of him, so fist bump from a former neurodivergent kid. 🤜
What’s helped me is a combination of physical exercise (which helps against feelings of unrest that may be bothering me) and sort of sliding into the subject, tackling the easier parts first and from there riding the dopamine wave.
But yeah, it doesn’t get any easier.
I kinda… Need it to?
Depending on how old your kid is, it might or it might not improve. The frontal lobe of their brain still has a lot of development left in children; right up until they’re about 25. This may improve things.
Also, please don’t be one of those parents who discounts meds. They can really help a lot. And no, they’re not addictive (in fact, people with ADHD are more likely to forget them than to use them recreationally).
Thank you. Sincerely. My parents are the ones who have been working on me, trying to play it off as no big deal and trying to scare me away from pharmaceuticals. “Everyone I knew who ever abused pills was medicated as a child,” and other shit like that.
Currently he’s very young, and I have heard that the presentation changes with age. I have some hope. An older friend with ADHD tells me that his memories of being this age were like that of “being a feral animal”, and he marvels at what mine is capable of already. That’s the frustration of it for me, he’s so bright and I only get to see it a few moments at a time. I want to bask in his glow my whole life.
I promise you “Yeah I just kinda fucked it off” resonates with many more people than you’d think.
If you’d like to try and find a faster way to alienate a neurodivergent person, this is basically it.
My parents still have no clue how to regulate there comments when I mention my difficulties. They love pointing out how “pretty much everyone struggles with getting their real life taken care of.”
Yeah, and I’m sure everyone else also sits there for hours at a time, lamenting themselves for not being able to get up and getting it done. It’s less about the inability to get started, and more about the excruciating guilt you feel when simple tasks take hours of internal bargaining to finally get done.
Why lie? If someone’s going act like a cunt about it tell em to FOD. Maybe not mean like that… But fuck em.
It started when I was a toddler and didn’t understand why I wasn’t doing things. Then as I got older it was easier to lie to get out of the consequences of my own inaction than it was to figure out why I just couldn’t do things. Then eventually lying was just second nature for me. Lying got me out of trouble more often than not.
The point of not lying about it though is so that future generations don’t need to lie.
But yeah… Shit sucks.
Ok now try explaining that to a toddler who doesn’t know shit about fuck and is constantly getting yelled at by their parents for not doing things they were supposed to do, or doing things they weren’t supposed to do.
I think it’s very healthy to not lie… But as a 37 year old I was raised (rather firmly) with the understanding that “I didn’t feel motivated to start” was a fully unacceptable “lazy” excuse.
For me, spinning some bullshit reason is so second nature that I’ll do it before I realize it might be easier to just be transparent. To further complicate things I’m such a high achiever that I can usually dig myself out of the hole before eating any real pain so… I rarely eat serious shit for my lies.
If you can be honest I think that’s by far the better tactic.
Basically high level procrastination.
Well tbf I’m brutally honest and it hasn’t really helped me.
Nah, it’s a good habit… It’s easier to slightly temper your expression than be more direct and non-shit managers (I am one) will appreciate your candor because it let’s us plan and respond better.
Because I’d like to keep my job.
Shame usually, and the fear that they’ll reject me for my shortcomings
And of course a(n) (un)healthy sprinkling of self loathing for failing (yet again) to do the things I set out to do
I’m better at it now than I was before but accepting myself was the biggest step in stopping those lies
