I’m an introvert and I like going to work to do my job and go home. I don’t understand people who use a job as a substitute for friendship or marriage. It’s a means to an end.
The sooner I do my duties, the longer my downtime is going to be, and I love having my downtime.
Many of my colleagues see me and immediately start asking questions I don’t want to answer, but neither do I want to hurt their feelings, I mostly want to be left alone. In the past this has been deconstructed as arrogance and people with fragile egos feel insulted by my indifference to them and that I prefer to work than to talk to them.
The world is made by extroverts. I have observed that people are eager to help you if you give them attention. I don’t get it, but neither I’m not going to change how extroverts think or feel.
If I give them the attention they need for as long as they need it I’m going to end up with daily headaches and neither my job nor theirs is going to be done.
I want to appear approachable, but keeping the info I feed them to a minimum. How do I do that?
What do you talk about to your coworkers?
What do you say to stop conversation organically? (meaning they don’t get offended).
That’s exactly it. I think one of the reason many people who struggle with small talk is because they take these conversations at face value. It doesn’t matter if you don’t care about how their family is doing, you’re not asking because you want the information. You’re asking because the question itself means “I respect you as a peer and am showing interest in you”.
And it’s also why the answers don’t generally matter. They don’t care what you’re really doing for your holidays, just give a simple but positive response “just looking forward to getting some rest!”, “going to see my family”. If you show you’re interested in them, and you respond to their questions that’s enough for most people. Even if those questions and answers are completely vacuous.
The thing that bugs me the most about people is that they can’t just say what they want or do the things that clearly convey what they want most of the time. The main approach to social interaction is testing people to find out if other people match whatever they were taught was the ‘right’ way to do things and then judging the shit out of anyone who slightly strays from that expectation.
have my upvote.
This is why I like choosing my friends. This is why I keep most of my coworkers away, because they act like mean 15 year old girls.
Interesting that “hello, how was your weekend” and listening to a 10 second answer has such a high emotional cost for you. And this comment is from an introvert.
wait, so all those who excel at useless and senseless small talk neither care about the information?
I appreciate your post, because it explains a lot, but if it’s true people are so easy to manipulate.
I don’t understand the point of asking for information to ignore it but if this is the way to have more job options I guess I’ll have to fake it?
Im asking to wfh.
It’s not a waste of time. It builds a background relationship which you can then leverage to get things done. It is social capital. Negotiation lubricant.
Yes, fake it. It will be valuable when you need a favor, or information, or even when you want to ask your boss for a raise.