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The dudes in this thread really managed to remind me how gross it felt when men double my age tried to view me as a sexual object before sexual maturity. At 18, a 22 year old was an old man to me. A 35 year old was older than my fucking father. I didn’t even mature early or wear actual bras until I was legal, but that never stopped the discomfort. Ew guys, do better. You’re not fucking Leo, Leo is fucking creepy too.
At 18, a 22 year old was an old man to me
Jesus fuck girl what? That’s like the perfect age gap??
I’m not downplaying creepy ass old men hitting on teenagers but that’s fuckin wild
So I fully believe that the reason that the reason that perceived peak attractiveness is such a different age for men and women is because of predatory intentions. Meaningful and enthusiastic consent is hard to give when someone has that much more agency than you, and I think this is the whole plot.
I keep getting older, but they all stay the same age.
Jesus Christ, this. And the men rarely even realize/acknowledge how predatory they’re being
I’d be flattered if an 18yo girl found me attractive, but holy hell I wouldn’t have wanted to date somebody with the social-intellectual maturity of most 18 yo’s even when I was a lot closer to that age myself.
The ones that do want that, I’d say they’re either stuck in the mentality of that age being their own glory-days or wanting somebody they can easily dominate/control, quite likely both.
If you think women are being preyed on at that age, then the age of consent needs to be raised or Romeo and Juliet laws refined
One has nothing to do with the other. There’s nothing wrong with those of similar age being in a relationship. Romeo and Juliet laws require the couple to be within three years of each other. That has nothing to do with 40 year old men creeping on teenage girls. This thread is insane and really shows the demographics of Lemmy.
1/3 women are sexually harassed in their lifetime. Women have posted their stories about being sexually harassed more frequently as a young teenager than an adult. I personally have been groped and propositioned for prostitution while I was walking down the street in broad daylight. Not to mention the numerous cat calls. Everything stopped the moment I no longer looked like a child. This is what the post is about. Not consensual relationships.
The first time I realized I was being leered at was a man probably in his 40s while at the airport going on vacation with my family. I was 10 or 11 at the time.
I remember getting in trouble for leaning on a store counter a couple times, my mom eventually explained it was because the salesmen were looking down my shirt. I was in middle school.
Memories of us getting cat called walking to and from school with my friends are strongest when we were all around 14. I remember being groped by a 20something year old while giving them a forced hug as they cornered me at a party around 15 before ducking and running away to the crowd.
I had my first sexual assault at 18.
Now on the other side… I had a stalker at 23, was likely roofied a few years ago at 28, and one of my friends in her 40s was recently cornered in her hotel room by a friend assuming favors. Which we then found out was a well known habit of his.
Not to say any of this to argue your point, young girls are absolutely going to be cat called or given unwanted attention more than a adult or middle aged+ woman. More so just when I started listing a few I realized that unfortunately, we will always have to have our guard up. I’m in my early 30s now and get leered at/inappropriate comments from the 50-60 year old men in my industry. It is never not uncomfortable when you’re looked at like a piece of meat.
I got catcalled regularly from the ages of about 12 to 19, most frequently around the ages of 14 to 16. Then it basically stopped entirely.
Oh my God, I still get this at mid 50s and don’t think I even fit the stereotype of hot older lady - I thought it never ended. Fully expect to be 90 and have someone yell “lookin’ spry, Grandma!” as they drive by. It’s ridiculous and I don’t think it’s serious just thoughtless nonsense.
I live in a bigger city with some heavy foot traffic areas. Those are normally where I get comments still. I feel part of it has to do with the fact that some of them actually think they aren’t creepy, and others know you won’t fight back on it and enjoy your discomfort.
That has nothing to do with 40 year old men creeping on teenage girls.
It’s almost like there’s a false equivalence for the women in the meme being upset that men think young women are attractive versus them being creeped on by creepers while pretending like women don’t do the same damn thing lol.
Unwanted advances is something completely different than “guys talking about how 35 year old women are upset that men their age want 18 year olds while”. While ALSO falsely attributing it to jealousy.
The women are pretending like 18 year olds aren’t attractive. They are, scientifically, and culturally. You can be old and appreciate pretty people. Vilifying that is getting into fucked up Roman Catholic levels of guilt & self-hate lol.
Ironic. I’m in to 30-something women and even 40-something women, but the catch is they have to not be mentally ill
That goes for any relationship. Men and women. It is harder the older as so many more are paired, and the single ones have a higher likelihood of having… reasons.
Or just baggage, which isn’t particularly healthy for your mental state. When looking at my circle of friends, at the latest when your ~35 you will have lived through cheating or other types of betrayal. People often are just assholes to each other and hurt people hurt people.
I see this as an additional reason though, to not date someone who is still very young.
Moms friends😩
Friends’ mums…
Yeah, if I ever conquer this damn divorce and my general anxiety, I’m just gonna meet people and hopefully find someone with few enough red flags that I can feel comfortable around them
Relevant username
🎵 Stacey’s mom has got it goin’ on 🎶
ITT: older dudes pretending they’re Leo DiCaprio. You’re nooooottt. If you think I am wrong, please hit a college party this weekend.
People of dating age can do whatever they want! But let’s please not pretend that what applies to above average men applies to all men. Or what applies to above average women applies to all women!
From what I can tell, doesn’t matter your age. Any gender can be attractive at an older age, look at JLo or Sofia what’s her name. Depends on your level of attractiveness, above average attractive people have a timeless quality, goes for both men and women.
So…don’t be ugly. Got it.
I am responding to the sexist and ageist attitude towards women that women’s aging is somehow different from men’s aging.
Yes, older sperm can produce offspring, but that offspring will be less biologically fit than offspring produced by younger sperm. So a woman in prime years is better off with someone +/- 3yrs her age. That’s just biology.
So older men only talking about women’s aging comes off as insecure and sexist. My posts are just a reality check.
Personally, I don’t evaluate the quality of a person by their level of attractiveness or their age. I just find that a lot of insecurities that men carry about themselves come out as sexist attitudes towards women. So yeah, sometimes you have to write a brash post to counter that sort of sentiment.
I’m an older dude, I can’t hardly stand being near a fucking teenager, much less want to have sex with one, they’re annoying as hell. What the fuck is wrong with some people.
I mean you could maybe try being a compassionate adult around them. Attidudes like this are what contribute to poor inter-generational relationships. It’s why boomers blame everything on millenials and why millenials just respond with “ok boomer”. Teenagers are people, their brains are developing, some are figuring out their shit, some never will bother to. And they will become older folks who are people just the same. So it behoves is to try being a positive influence around them rather than trying to fuck them.
I mean, as a 45 year old man… I can be compassionate, but let’s be real teenagers are annoying as shit.
This isn’t some generational thing, we where just as annoying as that age.
It comes with being immature and unsure of who you are.
You’ll grow out of it too.
Youth is wasted on the young.
Yeah I wasn’t disagreeing. Teenagers are indeed annoying as shit. They’re also bright, depressed, confused, fired up, determined, lost, immature, too mature, and on and on. None of this negates the importance us adults having the maturity to not dwell on our bitterness or frustration over youth and focus on being a positive influence when we have the opportunity.
I have always found this argument to be hilarious in a deeply sexist way.
Why? Because it takes two to tango.
If young women really did find older men repulsive and creepy, why do so many of them date older men? Why do a fair number of them marry older men, especially in this era of unprecedented economic opportunities for women?
The fact is, such attitudes against a very historically normal pairing is shaming two people who are functional adults for their very adult choices and decisions.
Or do you somehow disagree that an 18-yo woman isn’t a “functional adult”? Because I see that attitude of infantilizing and bubble-wrapping women against the consequences of their own choices and decisions as deeply sexist, and a prime example of misogyny.
Meanwhile, men of that exact same age can be forcibly conscripted to fight and die in some foreign oil-war that they never had an opportunity to vote against. How are we adult enough at that age to die without any choice in the matter, but women aren’t adult enough to choose whom to be with?
Gotta love that gender bigotry.
Just say you’re attracted to teenagers and stop wasting everyone’s time. The answers to your questions have been discussed countless times.
Creep.
It’s been scientifically proven that 18 year olds’ brains aren’t fully developed. Biologically, no you are not an adult at 18. Arguing that it’s all good because both parties are ostensibly consenting adults is besides the point. The older party, no matter what gender, shouldn’t be chasing people well outside their peer group. There’s obviously a layer of manipulation when 2 people of wildly different ages get together.
18 year olds aren’t really adults.
First of all, like 5% of women date or marry men 10+ years older than them. That’s not a huge percentage or even a “fair number” of women.
Second, and that being said, if you spend time with people in their early 20s, the maturity gap between women and men seems pretty obvious to me. That’s not across the board, and it’s not always the case, but your average 22yo woman and your average 22yo man are often worlds apart in their life goals, daily habits, general maturity, career and educational trajectories, etc.
For instance you have young men babbling about how they can be drafted, and how it takes two to tango, and how it’s unfair that they’re still treated like children while simultaneously looking for a hottie that will also be their mom.
Women go to college at higher rates. They succeed in college at higher rates. They graduate at higher rates. They seek postgraduate degrees at higher rates.
Your average 22yo woman is significantly more mature in terms of creating a professional life than a corresponding 22yo man that is still trying to make his professional gaming and YouTube career work. His YouTube career, incidentally, is just his gamertag with “YT” in front of it.
There’s a reasonable case to be made, based on the relative rates of cognitive development across genders, that until about 27-29, women are, generally but not always, more mature than their male peers.
You just argued for men not being drafted at 18 - they are mere kids. Women, on the other hand!
I didn’t argue for anyone being drafted. I was referencing how the person I was responding to mentioned it.
People are probably not functional adults until 23-25. But it’s harder to mold a 25yo to die in a war for you than a 18yo.
I do agree with your general point - it takes two to tango. And a lot of the older women complaining have themselves dated across the chasm when they were younger.
It always felt odd to me and still does though - I feel that the larger the gap the more it reveals deeper issues for both sides.
What I also find deeply hypocritical is how many of these women treat a gender chasm in the first place:
- Young woman with older man? That pervert! He’s a pedophile!!
- Older woman with a young guy? You go, girl! Ride him like a cowgirl!
And yes, that age gap can be identical in both examples.
And yet plenty of women also shame older women that are preying on much younger men too. That’s not making a point it’s trying to make an excuse.
plenty of women also shame older women that are preying on much younger men too
I have never seen that happen in my entire life.
Not. Once.
Not saying it doesn’t happen, but it must only happen behind closed doors - without any public censure whatsoever - in ways that doesn’t happen for older men with younger women.
Older men, in comparison, are very publicly shamed.
For me, it’s not the age gap so much as maturity gap and, more importantly, the power differential. When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I didn’t have my shit together in any way nor did I have a good level of maturity and self-confidence.
The power differential between one in their 40s or 50s (hell, even 30s) and late-teens/early-twenties means that healthy relationships are the exception, not the norm.
It makes me wonder why people praise Harold and Maude and vilify Manhattan, though I suppose the director of Harold and Maude didn’t marry someone Harold’s age. But most people agree that Harold walked away a better person, despite having Maude woo him and rip herself away immediately.
Bro have you seen how much Larsa Pippen has been (rightfully imo) dragged in the Bravo community for dating Marcus Jordan?!
That shit ain’t cute in either direction!
Larsa Pippen
Who?
Bravo community
What’s that? Some sort of spanking-new social media platform? Certainly less than 6 days old, otherwise I would have heard of it.
Marcus Jordan
Who?
Edit: had to google all of these. I have no clue who any of the “Reality TV” stars are, not into basketball, and as for “Bravo”, I never even thought about TV channels as I have not watched actual broadcast TV since 2003.
But it’s harder to mold a 25yo to die in a war for you than a 18yo.
Yup. Between education and maturity, I became a (mostly) pacifist by 25, after fully intending to join up before I started uni.
why do so many of them date older men?
Do they?
Or do you somehow disagree that an 18-yo woman isn’t a “functional adult”?
I do, because your brain doesn’t finish maturing until you’re 25.
Meanwhile, men of that exact same age can be forcibly conscripted to fight and die in some foreign oil-war that they never had an opportunity to vote against.
That’s wrong, too. The age of conscription should be 25, for the reason I gave above.
Ok but the reverse is more popular here
Attractive, Intelligent, Sane
At 18 you can pick 3 but always focus on one. You’re looking for “true love”, but your crotch isn’t.
At 25 you can pick 2, but you still don’t know which one is most important. You’re looking for “Mr/Miss/Ms Right”, but are starting to feel like you’re Mr/Miss/Ms Leftover" because a lot of people pair up before you.
At 30+ you can pick one, but you’re mostly looking for someone who matches you “child-free” status. You’ve realised a relationship is something you make, not something you find. This is the age to be wary of “gold diggers” looking for a bankroll.
When you’re 35+ it turns from a structured partner hunt into “fuck it, we ride”. At this point, you just want to enjoy life, because there isn’t much free time!
This image is trying to invent a problem that isn’t there. I’m totally down to date someone my age who isn’t mentally ill. That’s literally my only requirement.
Unfortunately this seems to disqualify a significant percentage of the dating population.
Why does a man wanting a woman automatically mean he’s going to disrespect her?
Normal dudes think those guys are creeps too. I’m in my 40s, and have several guy friends my age who date, and it’s always with women their age.
The post doesn’t mention dating, just “wanting” them which I took to mean sex.
How would you know who these guys want to have sex with if not by who they date?
People talk about that stuff and you might hear who someone fucked and so on. Many possibilities
Do you understand what you are doing here? Age is a protected class same as race or gender for example.
Yeah but I’m not an employer.
And still, you shouldn’t judge people by their race, gender or age.
If it’s coming down to who I’m having sex with, I think I’m not choosing children. Call me crazy.
In most countries 18 year old are adults. I think it is everywhere in Europe (where I live). If you are 18, you have the same rights and duties as any other citizen. Adults should be able to choose their partner independent of race, gender and also age. How can you support same sex marriage but be against marriage of a couple with a difference in age?
I said kids, not adults. You don’t have to sit there and spout definitions.
Finding telomeres in your post history from a comment justifying “barely legal” dating is nostalgic
Are you THE telomeres guy from a few years ago who got removed from Starbucks for harassing a teen worker? Or just an adherent?
What are you smoking?
Do you by chance have a wall with post-its, photos and thread? Do you stalk many people?
With 18 people are adults. They can vote and get voted into the government. They can sign business contracts or join the army. They can decide the future of the state but not their own relationship?
Half your age plus seven, wasn’t it? Assuming both partners are over the age of consent.
