The picture that made you click on this post was captured 2 weeks ago. 165lbs 5’8. I’m no longer obese, I haven’t been for months now, but I’m still stared up and down from other strangers who are trying ascertain whether I pose a threat or not.
I’m walking forward and not acknowledging you and yet you’re fiddling around with ur pockets or moving away from me. I could share more but people have a tendency to question what really happened in x experience, derailing the discussion entirely. I’m stuck in Vancouver for the foreseeable future and I’d appreciate it if you just answered the question.
I’m not interested in empty platitudes or comments unrelated to the topic at hand. “What can I change about my face to make the average vancouverite less scared of me”. That’s it. I’m not expecting anyone here to be an expert on anthropology but this is an (mostly, IDK ur OSINT but me personally idc anymore) anonymous forum. Say that I look tired and I’ll look for surgeons who can handle complex eyelid surgeries. Id appreciate candidness. Random assortment of photos I found within the last year. I can’t be half assed to remove identifying information anymore.
Handsome guy, you’d look sharp and safe in a carefully fitted button down.
Even better, people will respond to you being comfortable with yourself. There’s a lot of subconscious communication that goes on without words. If you’re relaxed and comfortable people will respond to that.
Smile, my dude. Smile. And not in a “I’ll eat your firstborn for lunch” manner.
And don’t take photos of you looking downwards towards the camera. That’s going to look a bit imposing because the picture frames you as looming above. Take a pic straight on or try holding the camera up and you looking up towards it.
And smile (it can take practice to learn new body language so keep trying; you’ll get it). Also try and open your eyes a little more. Half closed eyes can signal tiredness, boredom, or anger.
If all else fails, throw on some vibrant, happy coloured clothing. Baby blue, pinks, light oranges, yellows; if it looks like summertime - it’s probably perfect. I met a guy at a conference who felt he had “evil eyes” due to a damaged iris so wore bright yellow glasses with non-prescription lenses just to brighten up their face haha. It worked!
Regardless. You’re a ridiculously handsome lad. Stay positive because you’ve still got way more eggs in your basket than not.
I don’t know how much of this can help but maybe try changing up your body language to seem more docile. For example, raising your eyebrows and smiling are both seen as the least aggressive form of facial expressions. I just have a feeling that it won’t have much effect on someone with deeply-held racist views.
Tbh, you don’t look threatening at all, you look like a regular person. I’d suggest not taking people’s prejudices to heart or feel like you have to change yourself for stupid shit people like to believe. People on the streets are jerks who you’ll never see again. Instead, invest your efforts in people who you interact with regularly and make them speak well about you.
I dunno to me you have a really friendly face
You look great I dont see an issue, not to use some worn out trope but smile more, practice if you need to.
Maybe a racist community?
Your clothing is kind of “jock-ish”, like what a popular high school sportsball guy might wear. That could potentially make people who grew up as nerds feel intimidated.
Short of wearing a white fleece with bright pink hearts on it, nothing.
Because your face isn’t threatening.
The people being threatened by you, are being threatened by their racism, and that’s not your fault.
Keep living your best life, and keep proving them wrong. They’ll figure it out eventually, one by one.
Brother you look great
I need to wear glasses, and when I switched from square frames to round frames I swear people were less scared of me. Nobody wears glasses to a fight so you look less intimidating, and larger, rounder frames make your face look softer.
Wear slightly fancier clothes, I’m not saying wear a suit but buy some cheap button-down shirts, maybe tuck it in.
You seem focused on your face especially. Learn how to do makeup. I believe a little eyeliner can make you seem kinder. (I don’t use makeup myself, so you’ll have to find someone else to teach you / verify this.) Done properly, nobody will notice the makeup.
Voice and gait training might also help. I have a theatre background and I know that there are ways to look more intimidating without actually changing your appearance, so you could probably train yourself to do the opposite of that.
Temporary but very effective fix, look at your phone. I’m a big guy myself, and if I’m waiting for a bus in the middle of the night and there’s someone else there who seems nervous, I’ll just read (or pretend to read) something on my phone. Instantly reduces your threat profile to nothing.
Ha! I switched to perfectly round glasses for completely unrelated reasons and certain demographics who tended to be threatened by my complexion almost stopped entirely. That was a funny quirk of a minor style change.
But also I’m not a big dude. I just happen to fit a description.
Let me just say, dude, that you are not alone. There are a lot of people who feel this struggle and there is no simple answer to this problem. Because it is societal. You probably already know this but I want to start off with that.
I can see every little thing you think is threatening to others and it’s all there. You’re black. You’re a man. You’re a black man. You have strong features. You wear clothes. And you exist.
That shouldn’t be your problem, but more than a century of propaganda has made it so. Me and everyone else has been conditioned to fear you.
With all that said, I can echo some other comments. Take the advice on fashionable clothing. Aside from the other positives, it feels good to look good. You’ve saved up for surgery, spend it on that instead. Find a fashionable friend and get advice. There are multiple ways to achieve it without feeling untrue to yourself.
Learn to smile as your opener. To others and to yourself.
Most importantly, spend that money you saved on therapy. It isn’t there to fix you. It’s there to help give you the tools to cope with the reality of things. It isn’t bullshit. No amount of aesthetic adjustments will fix what’s going on in your head and your heart.
Candidly, you seem like you’re not in a good fucking way. Get help. Peace.
Probably not your face structure, etc, but your facial expressions while you are walking around strangers. Your photos seem fine to me but we can’t see if you have whatever the male equivalent of RBF is called.
My friend one time had a comment that everyone who knows him knows he is the goofiest guy around, but before they knew him they just thought he walked around looking like he wanted to punch somebody.
I friend, you have an incredibly sweet face <3 It actually makes me upset that society has subjected you to think the way you wrote towards yourself.
You want me to be straight forward, this is it - This behavior towards yourself is certainly not healthy. You’re fine and you deserve to be comfortable with that fact.
You wanna know what will make you less threatening? Put one of those rainbow spinny caps on your head. Will you never look cool? Maybe. Will you look threatening? No.
To put it bluntly, it sounds like you’re a victim of the ol’ racism, possibly aggravated by the fact that you’re a man. Your face looks very friendly to me in these pictures (maybe not the second to last, but you don’t look threatening either there, I get more of a “please don’t bother me” vibe from it)
You don’t look intimidating at all. You look chill. You’re lucky that you don’t have a perma-scowl and RBF like I do. I guess maybe just smile at people who look at you.
