Asking as I see more and more people talking about mental health issues, and curious to see if people could share their experiences.
Asking as I see more and more people talking about mental health issues, and curious to see if people could share their experiences.
No. But I actually put it down to my therapist being a fucking idiot.
Ive lived a wild life, Ive had guns and knives pulled on me regularly while I was bouncing, there was drugs, street racing, casual sex, severe alcoholism… and he kept wanting to talk about “the trauma” and never once listened to the fact that I actually miss that life.
Its working a government job for the next 30 years to pay a mortgage on an overpriced suburban house so my daughter doesnt grow up next to crackheads that scares the shit out of me. When you’re pinballing from one insane crazy situation to another you dont have much time to dwell on your bullshit.
Interesting, you seem to have had a thrilling life at some point. Any crazy stories to share?
It reads like a “Dear Playboy” but fuck it, this one is pretty tame but I like this one because nobody gets hurt. From memory 15 years ago
When I was 25 I was working security at this club and I saw a woman out celebrating her 50th, she had a tan line on her ring finger and I heard a few snippets about “That Scumbag”, “Divorced” and “That slut” also I picked up the detail that “she” was 32. Now let me stress one thing, at 50 this woman made most of the women in the place half her age look like shit, she was a fucking bombshell. I did a little light flirting but not really trying to achieve anything.
Well we had turned the lights on and ushered everyone out and I was leaving and she was out the front waiting with her friend for their lift. I went over and I said “You know what would make a really good ending to your 50th?” She said “what?” “How about a man half your age?” She was genuinely shocked “You cant be serious!?!”
Now the funny thing about working that kind of job is that when it comes to hitting on women you get cannon-sized-balls of steel because even if she slaps me theres a fresh crowd of women the next night, so you get kind of used to saying outrageous shit because she shock factor of it works. “I know you’re recently divorced and he cheated on you with a 32yo. I also know you are also fucking gorgeous you put every woman my age in there tonight to shame and I want YOU. Now you can go home alone or I can take you home and we can try and screw you through the mattress”
She was like a deer in headlights, her friend said “Bethany, if you dont take him home and fuck him I will. You need this” she paused for like 3 full seconds and said “Ok, lets go.” This was at like Midnight on Sunday, she called in sick for work on Monday and Tuesday… We did a lot of talking around the crazy sex, I really think she genuinely did need it. At the end of it she told me that she wasnt interested in being a sugar momma (I also didnt ask) and we agreed it had been an excellent way to spend 3 days.
But did you ever ask yourself if the life you missed could be any healthy, for anyone? Sure, you miss that life since it apparently took your mind off of your problems, plus you know how to exist and function in that life and have trouble in the other, but that could just be you coping and trying to ignore things.
Not trying to be another therapist here, I’m just someone who also happens to have led a pretty interesting life and who had to face the same questions.
And yeah, taking responsibility for someone else’s life is infinitely more scaring, in particular if you can’t yet trust yourself to do the right thing and not fuck things up royally, I get that. I like to believe it’s also infinitely more rewarding in the end though.
Oh I squared my shit away with myself down the track. That guy just couldnt shake off the idea that my anxiety attacks werent a result of just good old fashioned growing up poor and without a dad giving me a crippling fear of failure (and if you dont try you cant fail) but had to be one of the many fucked up things I saw or was involved in… someone with as many scars and insane stories couldnt POSSIBLY be as boring as that.