I have seen in many US shows where they portray guys who are living with parents as losers, or there are jokes or memes about it, I never get it.
Traditionally, being self sufficient enough to move out of your parents house and live on your own was considered a major, basic, and early benchmark of growing up, adulthood, and success. Sort of like taking your first steps, it was just considered a “bare minimum” benchmark.
That impression, the idea of moving out on your own being the bare minimum start to being a successful adult, has not kept up with the modern age and the economy we’ve grown up in. The idea that anyone should be able to move out on their own came about in an age when a single adult working a basic job full time could afford a house and support a family on their income alone. That just is not even close to the case now, but some societal memes take longer to change than others.
It’s this. This is the eloquent and succinct answer OP. No an upvote wouldn’t have been enough.
I’ve been looking for rentals lately. Every inspection has dozens upon dozens of people show up. Rental vacancies are at a tiny fraction of a percent. No landlord will take someone if the rent will cost more than 30% of their income. To qualify for a studio apartment it takes almost double the median wage.
I hate it so much. I’ve budgeted so that I know I can afford these places on my income, I have a significant pile of savings and a stable job. I have been looking for a place for six months and been rejected from them all.
I’ve given up. Even if I could get a place it’d be cheaper to pay a fucking mortgage.
Very very well put.
I’ll just add that it’s hard to fuck in a house full of your parents, and few people want to deal with that.
How old are you?
There are bootstraps you haven’t appropriately pulled up if you live at home.
The more legitimate reason is that there’s a school of thought that you can’t become a fully-fledged, independent adult without putting some distance between youself and the folks that raised you. There’s a difference between someone who never left home and is content to just stay in the status quo, vs an adult who maybe went to off to college or was away from home for some period of time while working that has had to come back due to challenging circumstances and doesn’t plan to stay longer than they need to. Obviously, the stereotype is of the former and not the latter.
The grift disguised as independence.
The Cabal wants us to spend more money. If we are living with family, we’re spending less. Their solution? Shame you into thinking you’re less of a person because you lack financial independence. Hollywood simply amplifies this.
I don’t disagree with your point but for future reference, it’s better made without the dog whistle.
Curious about how the cabal can be a dog whistle. Can you enlighten me? The wiki article didn’t help. Though learning the etymology was cool.
I imagine its something to do with the Jews.
Cabal… Kabbalah… It’s the root word. “Jews secretly run the world” etc. That’s usually how it’s used today.
Cabal is originally a Hebrew word. It’s still used to ostracize Jews
Today I Learned
There’s a very common anti-Semitic conspiracy theory that a Jewish cabal runs the world from the shadows and manipulates/is the world elite.
There are a lot of ways to disprove this but I think the easiest is to just look at the world currently: there is a “cabal” that “runs the world”, but no they are not all Jews nor are they secretly plotting all the bad things to happen. Really it’s a disparate set of individuals and organizations that have their own goals and agendas but who all have a shared, vested interest in maintaining the status quo and it’s trajectory. And some are in contact or proximity with others, but it isn’t usually some massive overarching “world order”. Yes you do see the individuals or organizations conspiring together, but it isn’t some massive syndicate. It’s people with shared interests trying to utilize every advantage they can. Or they just shoot the shit, who knows. My point is that while there are “shadowy” figures at the top who hold important positions of power, wealth, influence, and status, they’re just people and groups trying to maximize on their opportunities, as is the unfettered nature of capitalism. And no they aren’t all Jews.
inb4 shitty person makes a shitty comment: you can be against anti-Semitism while also being against Zionism. Not supporting bigotry does not mean i support ethnostates.
It isn’t anymore. That’s dead.
It was, like 25 years ago. Well, maybe 15 years ago.
Pre-2007.
Because back then people were making good money out of college, and they were able to buy a house for themselves. Shit, they didn’t even need to go to college. As long as you were working hard before 2007, and you were going to be able to find a down payment on a house as long as you didn’t have some kind of financial affliction.
That’s not to say that gen X had it easy as compared to those before them, but there’s a clear separation.
Millennials tried their hardest not to live at home, just because of the social stigma.
Gen Z is feeling that stigma less. That’s why you’re probably here questioning why it’s even a thing. You’re probably Gen Z.
Jen alpha won’t see it as strange.
I really hope the stigma goes away because unless the world economy improves, a lot of people will have to stay with parents until a lot later in life.
It is a cultural thing though. It’s not an issue at all in most of SE Asia.
If you’re in an East Asian culture, it’s not.
Seems to even be expected that you live with your parents.
Implication is that you’re incapable of being self sufficient.
Too broke to move out, your parents still cook for you / do your laundry, can’t bring a girl home without your parents hearing you get it on, etc.
Implication is that you’re incapable of being self sufficient.
Holdover stereotype from when living on your own with a service job was realistically doable. Which just flat out is not the case in most cities now.
Although not wanting your parents hear you bang is totally fair.
Agreed. I think this is more of a late 90s / early 2000s thing. It’s become more acceptable today for sure, especially if you’re going to university or something.
Commenting to reply in a bit when I’m at my keyboard
Are you there yet?
I am now! Just edited
Historical cultural difference between the US and other countries. Although it is less prevalent now, it was expected for a male to be on his own and “leave the nest” as soon as they graduated high school, with college being that transition point if an education was pursued.
The old America where you left home as soon as you could and built your own life with hard work and skill is long gone, but the trope and the expectations are still there.
My parents suck. If you have to put up with their shit you’re definitely a loser.
Seing how most US parrents raise their children, I do believe you.
Glad I don’t live with your parents.
Now that a) it’s impossible to afford rent and it’s becoming more common and b) we’re transitioning from Boomers (who tended to have a more antagonistic and condescending relationship with their children) to Gen X being the “older generation”, I suspect that perception is in the process of changing now-a-days.
But previous generations were expected to nag the shit out of their kids to get a job and/or spouse and a house so the parents could do cruises full time in their retirement or some such. So to a large extent, it was societal pressure and people got the idea that living with your parents was “pathetic” *from their parents.
Somehow this became a cultural thing in the US. In some other countries like South America it’s perfectly normal for 3-4 generations to live under 1 roof.
My guess is it’s tied to making people spend more money for capitalism. The effect it’s had on families is not very positive. It leads to things like elderly people draining thousands from their savings or family members a month for nursing homes. People have to hire child care when otherwise family members could watch a child. Children grow up with more distance from older relatives. Buying additional homes and cars is way more expensive than sharing them. Additional cable and utility bills. More appliances. More food waste.
In some other countries like South America
I’ll add one two letter word in case you were confused.
I wasn’t confused. It just looked like you were.
This is better now. It’s still not great, but at least it’s not obviously wrong.
in the US, we value independence - and living with your parents after you’re 18 is the polar opposite, or so society would lead you to believe.
Disregarding different societal norms, I find it interesting that some people don’t have the intrinsic need to gtfo to a more personal space, be it either nice or shitty parents.
Depends on how old you are. There is nothing wrong with living with your parents till your early 20s.
But if you’re still living with them when you’re going on 40, something has probably gone wrong for you.
could you maybe explain why instead of only reinforcing the stereotype? I’d be really curious to know what happens to you between your early 20s and your late 30s
I’d be really curious to know what happens to you between your early 20s and your late 30s
As some people said in this thread, it’s hard to get a job that pays well out of college. You’re supposed to be using the help of living at home to work towards getting an actual career so that you can afford to move out by/around 30. If you are in a difficult financial situation in your 20s and you instead spend them spending your money freely and frivolously without bettering yourself, you’d be rightfully seen as “lazy”.
I graduated with a degree that didn’t work out in the path I originally saw for myself. I moved back in with my parents at age 22, and spent my 20s:
- Working whatever desk job I could
- Saving as much as possible
- Teaching myself programming at night
I would not have had been able to do the 2nd and 3rd things unless I was living at home, because I’d be putting all my small pay towards rent and living expenses, and also probably be too tired to learn a new career as 1 entry level job is not enough and I’d probably be working more hours or a 2nd job to make ends meet. At the same time, if I was not doing those things while at home, I’m wasting an opportunity and my privileged position (not everyone can move back), and would see myself as lazy. In my 30s, I have an actual career and had put myself in a good financial situation thanks to that opportunity of being able to move back in.
I’d be really curious to know what happens to you between your early 20s and your late 30s
You’re supposed to grow up and become independent.
My father is 50+ and still lives with his parents
