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I have a pretty mild one that I’ve used all my life: “Good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise.” I said it once to the owner of the company I work for and he thought I meant I wouldn’t do what he’d asked of me, and he got a little upset. I had to explain it meant the opposite. That I had to explain it to him didn’t really ease the angst of the situation…
My wife’s old dutch grandma once had a sip of beer and said “it’s like an angel pissing on my tongue”
Talking about how many children she had “your grandfather would throw his dirty undies at me and I’d get pregnant”
it’s like an angel pissing on my tongue
That is an old Dutch saying, I was gonna ask if she had Dutch heritage, but than I re read your post.
We have that one as well in Bavaria:
Als würd’ dir ein Engelein auf die Zunge bieseln.
Grandma sounds like she could make a pirate blush :) I wanna be just like her when I grandma
Is angel piss supposed to be a good thing?
It’s just below goden shower in the hierarchy.
It’s up there with the eucharist. But carbonated I guess.
My dad has a lot from growing up in a small farming community in Kansas. My favorite is “shakin like a dog shittin prune seeds.” But the one I use often is “I gotta piss like a race horse.”
We have variants of those in northern England too. Shaking like a shitting dog and pissing like a police horse.
Southern US, heard police horse but racehorse is more common. But my family’s was always “gotta piss like a pregnant woman” and “gotta piss so bad my back teeth are floating”
I once heard a coworker say: “if brains were gunpowder, they couldn’t blow their nose”.
A friend will occasionally say “that’ll make you take back shit you never stole”, which apparently means the thing (whatever he was talking about) was good.
“Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades” is the opening of an alkaline trio song. They’re out of Chicago, so I don’t think this is local to small town Kansas. Also I’m from Texas and piss like a racehorse was fairly common.
Was going to say the same! Although I like Hot Water Music’s cover Radio a bit more than the original.
My favourite is the (apparently) Australian saying “I’m so hungry a could eat the ass off a low flying duck”
Aussie slang is weapons grade language. They’re not here to fuck spiders
They truly have mastered the language and then elevated it to obscene heights.
Australian slang is fast becoming an arrogant edifice of human endeavour that god will have to one day topple or admit defeat. I for one suspect god is here to fuck spiders, and he may even be a drongo
I have always enjoyed “I could eat the north end of a south bound skunk”
They are descended from Scots-Irish immigrants, many of whom came over as indentured servants. Of course they have poetic souls.
The southern simile
Went back home after like a decade and ran into my dad’s old boss from when I was a kid. His southern drawl was pronounced and nasal like a side character in an old western, "Well I ain’t seen you in a coon’s age!
I kin heer tha “sheeeOOOT!” from here.
Please do not go around and use that phrase.
For whoever needs to know; Coon is an old southern slur for black people.
Fur others that become curious, captive raccoon life expectancy in the wild is 3.1 years. But, have been known to live up to 20 years in captivity.
You have to respect the originality of it, though.
My favorite is when it’s raining “…like a cow pissing on a flat rock.”
I’ve always heard it said “raining like a tall cow peeing on a flat rock”
“the road was slicker than cum on a gold tooth”
From Southern wrestling legend Jim Cornette
Legend is a stretch to describe a transphobic sexist abuser.
You’re one of those people who reads a rumor on TMZ, takes it as fact and never even bothers to look up if it’s true
No need to read TMZ, Jim has made such comments openly on his own show. Also, I forgot to add racist.
Low hanging fruit. He’s an old southerner and when called out on his antiquated phrases by his jewish co host or Latino/black friends ,he takes his medicine and apologizes. He reminds me of my dad, you’d probably call him a raging homophobic, racist Nazi just cause he’s not as left as you, but he tries, learns, and will accept you.
Btw, Jim Cornette is a Bernie supporting, socialist democrat and will fight for your right to be who you are, even if he doesn’t get it. Unlike people like Jericho and the aew people who criticize him and call him racist, while they’re the ones who donate to Trump and go to the Jan 6 insurrection.
You people want every white southern who’s been on earth since Jim Crow days, to suddenly wake up one day and be leading the pride parade.
Guys like Cornette will never be left enough for you, not even if they split their wrist for you. And splitting hairs with people who are on your side is how your get Trump in power.
Just because Cornette is not a Republican doesn’t mean he’s not a shithead who has made derogatory comments and has refused to apologised for it (like his comments against Japanese female wrestlers). Your frankly moronic rambling makes no sense.
No amount of whatabaoutism is going to change that.
“Flatter than piss on a plate.”
“Smoother than hammered bat shit”
“Slicker’n two eels fuckin in a bucket of snot”
I once heard someone say that something was scattered “all over hell and half of Georgia”. I use hat all the time now.
These are great because it’s anyone’s guess what they actually mean.
I do like “that could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon” in reference to a bad smell.
I’m from the south and I’ve only ever heard it as “that could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon at twenty paces” in case you were missing the end of it.
I’ve never heard that part but it makes more sense.
I was bewildered regarding shitshow at work and said, “it’s like going around your butthole to get to your elbow” – the californian and the Canadian had apparently never heard this phrase before. I realized then it was a southernism 😂
