I mean, I would fucking hope I misread your story, but you did tell this story. Here’s how I interpreted it:
He tried to convince me
I read this as one night in the kitchen with you two having beers at your place, and he says this. Maybe I assumed that wrong? Was it a whole series of conversations, or was it one conversation? If it was a whole series, that’s worse on his part
that my decision to miscegenate was bad for the “white” race
I honestly think this question is key: was it he who brought up the terms “miscagenate” and “the white race” (those three words in that sequence)?
If he used those specific terms it makes him sound more generally racist. But if you’re introducing them for flavor in the story, that speaks to me of a pattern of amplifying your “he’s racist” interpretation in your own mind.
because of a study he’d allegedly read
Why allegedly? You suspect he made it up out of whole cloth? Or did you suspect he only read about the study but not the contents
of the study itself?
of wherein mixed race people were found to have a higher risk of suicide.
This, to me, sounds an attempt to be helpful.
He said this to a friend of over two decades, as calmly and confidently as if he’d told me yesterday’s weather,
I read this as if he’s not presenting uncertainty, but rather certainty, but he’s only read one study and doesn’t have actual expertise, right?
What exactly did he apply this confidence to? Did he confidently say: “I read a study that said X” or “I know that X” or what exactly?
and apparently expected me to react to this as it it were helpful information.
This is the part that made my blood boil. A parent who doesn’t consider a reported threat to their child, even an uncertain or hypothetical one, to be helpful information just freaks me the fuck out. What?
So, I cut him out of my life,
I read this as you cut him out of your life after two instance of him talking about this study: once to you and once to your mutual friend.
If you did that, after twenty years of friendship, that’s fucked up.
he stalked me
Excellent reason to avoid him. But again I don’t know if I trust your judgment yet.
It seems (unless there’s a lot left out and not even mentioned as ommitted) that one mention of a study involving varying risks to varying racial groups was enough for you to deem him a racist. I guess I misread that? There was more racist stuff he was doing too?
and I fled the country with my wife and toddler in tow
So either you fled the country because of this guy, or you did it for a much larger set of reasons, and you just included that fact to set the overall emotional tone of your family’s story around the same time as the end of that friendship?
All this with the backdrop of a global pandemic and an active insurrection against democracy.
Sorry if I sound too analytical here, but reference to a “backdrop” really makes it sound like you interpreted this guy’s fumbling attempt to help as a plot line in a much larger story about cutting ties and pulling stakes and going on a big journey.
Fuck both your ex-friend and the internet weirdo arguing with you about your family’s safety and value, holy shit. Who asked for their toxic parenting advice/analysis???
You made a decision based on your priorities, and I hope you and your family are doing well, and your child is THRIVING!
The person who said “I read a study that mixed-race kids are at higher risk for suicide” is the aggressor to you?
And the person who cast their twenty year friend as a racist for saying this, and ended that twenty-year friendship for this, is not an aggressor at all?
And yes. You perceiving that I have my own issues with people discarding me, and then knowing exactly where to poke to hit that nerve in me, yes you’re a bully.
And honestly I hope you don’t know it. I hope
it takes as long as humanly possible for you to acknowledge it.
I am not in control of your actions, you’re making the decision to continue this line of discussion. I only got involved to begin with to tell you to fuck off. Now here you are, two replies deep, telling me off for bullying you. What’s your endgame?
Do you legitimately not see what you did here? It’s like if you heard a stranger say they were cut off in traffic, and you broke into the conversation to criticize THEIR driving. And then while you’re in the middle of explaining why you’re correct, ANOTHER stranger walks up and says “Why are you hassling this person about their driving?” and you counter with “Stop bullying me.” And now you’re explaining to that second stranger why the person who cut off the first stranger is probably a really great driver, despite the fact that all you have to go on is a summary of a single situation.
Step back for a sec and think about what it would be like for someone to judge your experience of a traumatic event from just a few sentences. You might have misspoken or written it out wrong. You definitely missed some important details. Maybe you embellished or condensed some things to be easier for a stranger to grasp.
I’m not saying this rhetorically. Actually stop and just think for a sec.
Does that help put in perspective why everyone thinks you’re being unfair to OP?
Why not just go back to exploding-heads or truth social? You and your views are clearly incompatible with this particular instance of Lemmy. There’s plenty of instances which cater to your worldview and you won’t get this response. If you don’t like the culture here, find an instance that matches you. That’s the beauty of the fediverse - somewhere, there’s an instance and set of apps that caters to your beliefs.
I mean, I would fucking hope I misread your story, but you did tell this story. Here’s how I interpreted it:
I read this as one night in the kitchen with you two having beers at your place, and he says this. Maybe I assumed that wrong? Was it a whole series of conversations, or was it one conversation? If it was a whole series, that’s worse on his part
I honestly think this question is key: was it he who brought up the terms “miscagenate” and “the white race” (those three words in that sequence)?
If he used those specific terms it makes him sound more generally racist. But if you’re introducing them for flavor in the story, that speaks to me of a pattern of amplifying your “he’s racist” interpretation in your own mind.
Why allegedly? You suspect he made it up out of whole cloth? Or did you suspect he only read about the study but not the contents of the study itself?
This, to me, sounds an attempt to be helpful.
I read this as if he’s not presenting uncertainty, but rather certainty, but he’s only read one study and doesn’t have actual expertise, right?
What exactly did he apply this confidence to? Did he confidently say: “I read a study that said X” or “I know that X” or what exactly?
This is the part that made my blood boil. A parent who doesn’t consider a reported threat to their child, even an uncertain or hypothetical one, to be helpful information just freaks me the fuck out. What?
I read this as you cut him out of your life after two instance of him talking about this study: once to you and once to your mutual friend.
If you did that, after twenty years of friendship, that’s fucked up.
Excellent reason to avoid him. But again I don’t know if I trust your judgment yet.
It seems (unless there’s a lot left out and not even mentioned as ommitted) that one mention of a study involving varying risks to varying racial groups was enough for you to deem him a racist. I guess I misread that? There was more racist stuff he was doing too?
So either you fled the country because of this guy, or you did it for a much larger set of reasons, and you just included that fact to set the overall emotional tone of your family’s story around the same time as the end of that friendship?
Sorry if I sound too analytical here, but reference to a “backdrop” really makes it sound like you interpreted this guy’s fumbling attempt to help as a plot line in a much larger story about cutting ties and pulling stakes and going on a big journey.
You should slap your father for not having the common decency to wipe you on the curtains.
I’m an emotional wreck right now, and I thought I was feeling better after these few years.
I won’t say more. Feel free to assume the worst of someone who made the mistake of being vulnerable around you.
Fuck both your ex-friend and the internet weirdo arguing with you about your family’s safety and value, holy shit. Who asked for their toxic parenting advice/analysis???
You made a decision based on your priorities, and I hope you and your family are doing well, and your child is THRIVING!
😖👍
How the fuck is anything I said arguing about this person’s family’s value??
What the fuck?
you’re still here?
I hate being bullied. When I get treated with this level of disgust and contempt, it makes me feel undignified to just slink away.
You’re being bullied?
Someone shared a personal story and you took the side of the aggressor, and then tripled down on it.
And you’re being bullied, huh?
“The aggressor”?
The person who said “I read a study that mixed-race kids are at higher risk for suicide” is the aggressor to you?
And the person who cast their twenty year friend as a racist for saying this, and ended that twenty-year friendship for this, is not an aggressor at all?
And yes. You perceiving that I have my own issues with people discarding me, and then knowing exactly where to poke to hit that nerve in me, yes you’re a bully.
And honestly I hope you don’t know it. I hope it takes as long as humanly possible for you to acknowledge it.
I am not in control of your actions, you’re making the decision to continue this line of discussion. I only got involved to begin with to tell you to fuck off. Now here you are, two replies deep, telling me off for bullying you. What’s your endgame?
Do you legitimately not see what you did here? It’s like if you heard a stranger say they were cut off in traffic, and you broke into the conversation to criticize THEIR driving. And then while you’re in the middle of explaining why you’re correct, ANOTHER stranger walks up and says “Why are you hassling this person about their driving?” and you counter with “Stop bullying me.” And now you’re explaining to that second stranger why the person who cut off the first stranger is probably a really great driver, despite the fact that all you have to go on is a summary of a single situation.
Hey bud. You can still choose to be kind today.
Step back for a sec and think about what it would be like for someone to judge your experience of a traumatic event from just a few sentences. You might have misspoken or written it out wrong. You definitely missed some important details. Maybe you embellished or condensed some things to be easier for a stranger to grasp.
I’m not saying this rhetorically. Actually stop and just think for a sec.
Does that help put in perspective why everyone thinks you’re being unfair to OP?
Why not just go back to exploding-heads or truth social? You and your views are clearly incompatible with this particular instance of Lemmy. There’s plenty of instances which cater to your worldview and you won’t get this response. If you don’t like the culture here, find an instance that matches you. That’s the beauty of the fediverse - somewhere, there’s an instance and set of apps that caters to your beliefs.
Not sure if you read my last comment at all but it was a lot of effort to identify and step away from assumptions I made.
Sorry you’re an emotional wreck right now. Hope you feel better soon.
Not a lot of people here will say this, but props for recognizing you were in the wrong here. It’s not easy to do.