“How are you ever gonna keep a job if you can’t keep juice in a cup?!”

I was 9 years old

“You don’t have to shovel rain.” - My grandfather when asked why he moved the family from Wisconsin to Oregon.

Whenever I got hurt, my grandmother would say “It’ll get better before you’re married!” I use that to this day with my nieces and nephews, who are not amused.

From my grandma (who got it from her father):

“Of course the story is true, it just didn’t happen”

Essentially, the story is more important than the actual event.

My grandfather would say “Is your daddy a glassmaker?” And when we’d inevitably say no, “Then get from in front the tv!” Meaning we were in his way, as children tend to be lol. Me and husband use this all the time with each other.

My grandpa was german. In german, jetztwhich in english would be pronounced something like “yetst”, means “now”. His whole life he would use “yet” in place of where an english-native speaker would say “now”, and i always thought that was adorable.

When my grandmother met my now wife, who is from Alabama, my grandmother told her “well, we all have to be from somewhere”

“Better an empty house, than a bad tenant” after every loud fart.

My Pop, whenever he was asked where something was: “It’s in Annie’s room, behind the clock.” There was no Annie in our family, nor a bedroom with a clock you could put things behind.

Also my Pop whenever asked what something was: “It’s a wig-wam for a goose’s bridle.”

These may not be iconic to anyone else, but they are sure as hell iconic in family lore, and us grand-kids are making sure we pass it down as much as we can.

i’ve heard my appalachian dialect speaking grandmother use the word “quit” in the like 1700’s british sense of “to leave.” that, and she used to say that she was going to do something “directly” like “we’re going to the store, directly.” such archaic speech patterns.

the word “appalachia” is pronounced “app uh latch uh” btw

“Tables are for glasses, not asses.”
~ My grandpa, whenever someone sat on a table.

When they didn’t get a hug first, we’d get “What am I, chopped liver.”

In like Flynn.

What does that even mean?

‘Whits fur ye will no’ go past ye’ - what’s for you will not go past you

My wee Scottish granny had some real wisdom.

‘No point in worrying about somethin cos if it happens ye suffer twice!’

My grandmother used to say: if you expect your good deed to be reciprocated, you’re not actually doing a good deed.

She said it in dutch, so I hope it’s an decent translation.