This was a team effort.
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This assumes the dildo must be solid. I think as scientists we need to think outside the box (and ass)
Indeed. So if we go with every element at STP it’s pretty boring. All the gasses just become green except flourine and there’s some minute changes. I felt this way was more interesting and would get people asking more questions.
All gasses except Flourine become green?
You must have really Chad mucus membranes to deal with Chlorine and Bromine.
The answer to all is “yes, but watch out.”
Brave
You can do anything once.
So… you’re saying it’s okay to put uranium in my ass but not oxygen ??
Let’s see your oxygen dildo 🤔
this is a quantum leap in the field of dildonics
The biggest step forward since the invention of teledildonics
What’s the biggest step backwards?
Waifu pillows?
Dare I say the biggest step forward since sliced dildos
Wait we slicin’ them now?
I am apparently so behind…
Well he had to cut them in half to see what they’re made of, god forbid its yttrium
Rather a small step for microdildonics, though
You mean macrodildonics
I cannot believe just how much time I spent looking at this … for … science.
Galium should be fine as long as it’s below body temperature.
The only reason it’s red actually is because of burns and irritation to mucus membranes. It’s far less dangerous than most. So yellow would probably make more sense.
I’d love to see the reasoning for each element. Most of them are obvious but I’m curious about some of them.
Are all the gasses dangerous because they’d have to be frozen to a solid? You could use them to pressurize a dildo-shaped envelope, though.
That’s great because this is supposed to be educational and a surprising amount of research was done (way more than anticipated). All elements are solid at STP so for the gasses that’s in the range of -200 C. Someone suggested doing a version with liquid and gas enemas but you know? I’m just not that dedicated (yet)
My first thought was “why is nitrogen dangerous?” but I was thinking about it at room temperature or around 20C.
I know about decompression sickness (the bends) but I wouldn’t expect that to be a problem at 1 atmosphere. Then I stumbled upon isobaric counterdiffusion and I wondered if that could happen from pumping any pure gas into the rectum at atmospheric pressure, since it’d be at a higher partial pressure than any gas in the tissue.
Yeah I think gasses in the rectum have several severe issues that liquids don’t have. Mostly because liquids don’t exert pressure. Could get pretty in-depth.
Going in deep, you say
How, uh dedicated are you?
It’s for science, so someone has to do it,
Why not iodine?
I was informed by someone that elemental iodine is actually toxic when not in salt form. Could be true/false?
Here’s some interesting ones that I don’t think anyone’s asked yet so far
The two CIA ones? Only elements with an unenriched isotope that can reach critical mass (and don’t instantly disappear). You’d need about 10 or so large dildos to muke a nuclear bomb. The anal probe and CIA disappearing is literal.
Borat is in this diagram
Starting with Potassium the Alkalis become basically explosive to water and get progressively more reactive. If you haven’t covered it yet this is because their valence shells get weaker the heavier you go.
Hydrogen and Helium so far basically cannot exist in solid form at STP in any appreciable amount.
IMO, I’d count plutonium in the anal probe category. Enriched or not, it’s gonna raise tons of red flags.
Buying that much uranium would probably just get your house raided by the FBI. If you told them what you were planning on doing with it, they might find it funny enough not to indict you but they probably wouldn’t let you keep it.
You goin to Guantanamo but almost certainly alive. If you knew how to make quantities of Curium and Calorfinium though… yeah you’re dead or not coming out of a cardboard box.
calcium, strontium and barium are also pretty reactive with water, and at any rate beyond hydrogen the other product (metal hydroxide) is corrosive
Please always ensure whatever element you use has a stable base larger than the insertion point
Arsenic is maybe not?
Eh, you’ll shit it back out
Pain must be relatively immediate to qualify for owe, my ass. Some of the yellow ones are insidious killers indeed.
Edit: I’m making the distinction that I’ll make ones that cause relatively guaranteed death purple.
I think you mean “ow.” The word “owe” has a different meaning, not related to pain.
The spelling mistake has been left in for ambiance
make nickel yellow (some people are allergic) osmium will be probably covered by layer of toxic tetroxide, cadmium and tellurium are also decently toxic
why is cerium yellow but other lantanides green, technetium is cheaper than you think (fission product) but it’s also radioactive
plutonium and americium, and maybe uranium also should be blue, CIA would anal probe you for less
You’re right, wikipedia prices are way outdated. Unenriched isotopes aren’t blue 'cause I’m assuming they’d let you live.
Edit: I couldn’t find the reason for that, someone just told me to make it yellow. Back to green it goes.
also make sulfur green, probably phosphorus too if not as white phosphorus
Not differentiated whether it’s red, yellow or white phosphorus so it defaults to the hurty one lol
Actually I’ll make it the very first split color. Exciting.
if you’re splitting colours, expensiveness/unphysicalness of the thing is not related to actual danger, so you can indicate both things at once
For the nobel prize ones they’d all be purple with a couple red so I’m gonna avoid cluttering up the graph too much.
What the fuck
Please make sure they’re flared!
Instructions unclear. Magnesium is now burning my ass.
If it glows, it goes. (Up my ass)
Those lanthanides… are we not terming a lethal radiation dose as rectal damage?? Or are you assuming an ideal isotope?
I think the whole lanthanide row could use a review by an “expert”. Sparse information on relative toxicity and relative radiated energy and immediate effects on mucus membranes. Someone still in school ask their prof and show them this diagram.
Right. Most stable isotope. Note that the green still says ‘probably’… all bets are off.
I know it’s totally not obvious but Rektal damage was meme for “you would probably die”. Pretty sure 90% of these cause rectal damage.
Missing a few more "hello there"s, unless this is what floats your boat:
(Human for scale)
