Months ago, I contacted my local PSL chapter wanting to join and interviewed with a member. They kept me updated about their upcoming events for a time but ultimately I never showed up to anything and they (understandably) stopped contacting me.
I kept telling myself this time was going to be different and that I’d meet up with them and finally start doing the praxis thing. I got all pumped up in the morning but when it came time to physically leave my apartment, I panicked and couldn’t do it.
I was raised by narcissists. It’s been hammered into me since birth to not speak up because my opinions don’t matter. Because of this I am a very reclusive and quiet person and take forever to open up to anyone. And I don’t usually post on any social media. I hate being in the spotlight. It’s taking some real effort and I mean like herculean to even type this and ask for help.
How the hell am I supposed to overcome this? Besides and in addition to going to therapy? Because I do want to join and contribute.
I just don’t feel adequate. I feel like I let not only myself down but every student and worker out there with some actual skin in this movement down.
Any advice is greatly appreciated. Y’all are wonderful people <3
It has happened to me before, a few times. I don’t have a magical remedy for it, my only coping mechanism is that if it goes badly then it’s just people I’ll never come across again or would otherwise just be unable to recognize me after a while (it may sound stupid but it’s the only thing that gives me courage). That and getting prepared beforehand as if I was going (regardless of my feelings towards actually heading out), since I kinda feel it’d be a waste to spend time preparing and then not going.