cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/906126
I’ve observed if I say nothing (because I simply don’t know how to react), opinionated people think you agree with them, which I don’t. I don’t care.
what I want to tell him, next time he starts ranting: ‘I don’t care what you think, leave me alone’.
However, I may have to work with this person in the future, so what about ‘you don’t have to tell me everything you think, most of the time I don’t pay attention’ and if he keeps pushing it ‘it’s tiring working with a person who has to rant to feel good, it’s boring and makes me ignore you, which is a problem, because we work together.’ And leave.
What about ‘everybody has problems, maybe talk to a therapist? I cannot help you’.
Or maybe simply leaving when he starts his rants?
“Unsubscribe.”
This is not necessarily effective on its own, but it’s a way to find out what the situation is. It is a simple way to open the discussion about your lack of interest in what they have to say. Sometimes they just shut up.
I’d probably go with something like…
Hey.
(Leave a pregnant pause to let it sink in a bit)
I’m sorry[.] I can’t be the good listener you want when it comes to this/these topics [at work]. I know you’re very interested in this/them, and I value our relationship as colleagues. I can’t think about this stuff at work, so I’d really rather we stop talking about it/them, please.
Just pause awkwardly for a second, long enough to be felt but not long enough for them to start talking again, and bring up something unrelated
It’ll hit them with the feeling of social rejection, but without the confrontation or giving them anything to latch onto. Nothing to get offended about or argue against, there’s nothing to react to there
It might take longer, but it’s not a request to stop - it’s training them to not bring it up. It’ll make them uncomfortable to talk about it - even if they force themselves it’ll be uncomfortable for them
(Unless they’re high on the spectrum, in which case direct is better all around)
“Can I just stop you right there?” like you have something important to say, and then just walk away leaving them confused as hell.
Mastery of the art of awkward, is to invoke it as a means of protection for absurdity & curiosity tend to be the only defense against campaigns of idiocracy
I just start asking questions of people like that. Never got a single coherent answer but it usually shuts them up.
I prefer “Let’s keep our conversations professional.” It lets him know that you’re there to work, not BS.
Realistically, though, this is a problem for your manager to handle.
Plot twist: that coworker is pushing the Agile agenda.
Hahaha, oh fuck, the Agile Acolytes are out!
Agile’s great and all, but sometimes it’s just applied to shit where it just doesn’t help.
Agile sprints are 2-6weeks.
I have never, in over 10 years of working in agile seen a single company go one day over 2weeks.
Do you have a moment to talk about the gospel of scrum?
change the subject
“How about those Mets?”
Said every time, unvarying, as a response.
When all they ever get from you is utterly unrelated, they’ll stop.
Or just change the subject completely, don’t even acknowledge what they said, or make it really ridiculous. Like they talk politics, say" yea, my dog does this weird thing when politicians come on the tv" then tell a long, meaning, drawn-out, meaningless, made-up story about your non-existent dog.
Or “I don’t really know anything about it, and don’t really care to. Hey have you seen that email about vacation?”
This isn’t a good idea. This is just burying the issue rather than confronting it.
They will bring it up later.
Not if every time they start up you start talking about fossil species.
“You see what they are up to now?”
“That’s a good question. Personally I am a fan of Cambrian, but who can deny how good the Permian was. Sure, the Jurassic had all the dinosaurs, but stuff Radiodonts and Hallucigenia are just so cool.”
If YOU become the person who talks about boring stuff all the time, you force THEM to avoid you! Genius!
Or, it turns out that they also enjoy dinosaurs and you can geek out together about that!
Exactly.
And people around you will laugh at them, appreciating your approach.
That’s why I said be repetitive. It takes time. When they learn that all you do is go off on a tangent, they’ll stop trying to use you for their personal sounding board.
In a way, you’re responding to them in kind by reframing the convo to a subject in which they aren’t interested.
You wanna be insensitive to others, and ignore the social cues that other’s aren’t interested just so you can selfishly rant? OK, I’ll do the same, only with a subject that isn’t divisive or inappropriate.
Let me take it away and think about it - fit the non committal
That’s a good idea you should take it to the boss - they won’t because they know its a bad idea and wanted your backing
I’m sorry but I dont have time to discuss this at the moment. - firm but polite brush off
Please drop this I have no interest in pursuing it at this time. - if they really persist
He’s ranting about windows or mac users, right?
They said issues that they don’t care about. If that were the case, they would logically only agree. So that can’t be it.
Where in the post did OP state that thye cared about operating systems?
It was a joke about the significant portion of lemmy users also being Linux users. Also that Linux users ( like myself) would be oblivious that somebody could dislike Linux or not be interested. So it is assumed that they must like Linux then and would care about things Linux users care about. With the magic of circular reasoning, you can then say that since they must obviously love Linux that they would then agree with the person and want to hear what they say.
It was a far stretch for a joke but I will stand by it.
I have a very similar problem but in my case the coworker is my boss. I have basically had to tell him he is wrong and that nothing he is going to say to me is going to change my mind and that I want no more of that conversation, I then change it to something work related. Sadly this has become the new normal. Thankfully my boss is expected to retire in December so I just need to wait it out.
My coworkers tell me that I am the hero of the group for shutting the boss down in such a loud and aggressive way. But its so exhausting.
Sorry man, I’m in another state of mind right now. I can’t even begin to think about what your saying atm
lmao I thought for a second this was just your comment about the situation, not your advice on what to say
Lmaooo
Your ideas are overly aggressive, even just leaving. Just change the topic or say “I’d rather not discuss this at work.”
A firm statement is fine in my opinion.
“It sounds like a lot but we need to focus on the work and this isn’t something that’s helping.”
If it continues, a direct message of “Not my thing. I really don’t have a dog in this race.”
“I don’t want to talk about that” is perfectly honest and neutral.
There’s two kinds of issues: instance and pattern. The first time or two, it’s instance. You deal with those with specificity. Something like, “I would prefer not to talk about this subject with you, please stop”.
If it persists, then it’s a pattern problem. You deal with the pattern, not the instance. “I’ve asked you not to talk about subjects like this in the pant, but you haven’t stopped. This makes me feel like you don’t respect my boundaries and it’s making it difficult for me to work with you. Why are you doing this to me?”.
You can escalate from there, and this might involve management involvement but at least you’ll have the clarity of having made the situation clear before it gets there.
Honestly though, unless the coworker is actually deranged, they’ll be mortified when they find out they are making you uncomfortable and they’ll stop right away.
Ok, you don’t need to talk. Just continue listening! :-)
I feel like that potentially invites a, “Because you know I’m right,” response though.
That comes off as a personal preference, which depending on the type of person, will walk all over you.
