cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/16589408
Places like gay bars and cafes were made with the explicit purpose of creating a safe space for LGBTQ+ folk. We HAD to create safe spaces because so many straight people want to inflict harm on us or wish that we were exterminated. Being around you means we cannot be ourselves fully because we will always hesitate. We will always wonder “Are you one of the good ones?” We spend our lives tiptoeing around straight people wondering if we can be ourselves or if we have to hide it to protect us from the psychotic amount of negativity and hatred that we have to deal with for merely existing.
I don’t care if you’re one of the good ones or not. By simply being there you are changing the entire makeup of an LGBTQ+ space. You are adding in fear, apprehension and confusion into a place that was never supposed to have it. Moreover, you’re treating us like a novelty. Like we made this place for you to feel safe in. You are ignoring us and forcing us out of our own spaces. There are multiple “gay bars” that I have been to that no longer have predominately gay clientele and have started leaning towards advertising for straight people. Why? Because so many people showed up to “feel safe” that it pushed every single one of us out.
It isn’t for you. You do not belong there. Stop feeling and acting so entitled to a place that has nothing to do with you and that was made with the explicit purpose to be free from you. Give us back our spaces that we made for us and stop whining when we dare to say that.
Your feelings are not more important than our identity, safety and peace of mind.
As a nonbinary person in the middle of transition, I understand the point you are making but disagree. Yes the LGBTQ+ spaces were formed by a culture of exclusion - at many times and in many places this was absolutely needed for many to survive. Assuming you are talking about the States, we are at a place where the general culture is starting to focus on diversity, equity, and inclusion more than ever. Yes there are still times and places where queer-only might be needed, for example I am in an exclusive trans support group, it’s goal is to provide a place to discuss such topics, for therapies, support groups, resource provisions, etc - not for daily and social life. When it comes to general hangouts, we still might band together due to our similarities and natural friendships, but we go out into the general population, we immerse ourselves with society, we invite everyone and anyone to join us. This is in Alabama by the way.
In order to get to a point where queer people are no longer forced to hide, we must stop choosing to do so. Our social lives need to push into and knock down the remaining barriers that exist. This isn’t to say to remove Gay bars and the like, but to accept that as the general theme or atmosphere and to remain inclusive to all. Diversity, equity, and inclusion is precisely this. I am sorry if you, or someone you know, no longer feel as if your social hangout is a safe place, but I don’t believe they should act as an exclusive club in order to maintain that feeling. Society is changing, and the goal is complete immersion and acceptance. Other societies do it, and we can too.