cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/16589408
Places like gay bars and cafes were made with the explicit purpose of creating a safe space for LGBTQ+ folk. We HAD to create safe spaces because so many straight people want to inflict harm on us or wish that we were exterminated. Being around you means we cannot be ourselves fully because we will always hesitate. We will always wonder “Are you one of the good ones?” We spend our lives tiptoeing around straight people wondering if we can be ourselves or if we have to hide it to protect us from the psychotic amount of negativity and hatred that we have to deal with for merely existing.
I don’t care if you’re one of the good ones or not. By simply being there you are changing the entire makeup of an LGBTQ+ space. You are adding in fear, apprehension and confusion into a place that was never supposed to have it. Moreover, you’re treating us like a novelty. Like we made this place for you to feel safe in. You are ignoring us and forcing us out of our own spaces. There are multiple “gay bars” that I have been to that no longer have predominately gay clientele and have started leaning towards advertising for straight people. Why? Because so many people showed up to “feel safe” that it pushed every single one of us out.
It isn’t for you. You do not belong there. Stop feeling and acting so entitled to a place that has nothing to do with you and that was made with the explicit purpose to be free from you. Give us back our spaces that we made for us and stop whining when we dare to say that.
Your feelings are not more important than our identity, safety and peace of mind.
Yeah… I’m pretty freaking queer and straight people being in gay bars doesn’t bother me at all. If you have issues that make it scary to be around straight folks that’s your problem, and you need to deal with it yourself instead of trying to be exclusionary.
You’ve apparently decided that every straight person will inherently ruin the queerness and safety of the space just by existing in it, even if they’re totally supportive. I disagree and will not be excluding my allies, thank you very much.
The nice thing about explicitly gay bars is that if I see a cute guy, it’s ok for me to go offer to buy them a drink and if they say something hateful, I can go find an employee and tell them someone unwelcome is in our space.
My straight friends are a part of my support network and if I want to bring them to a gay bar I’m going to. Your issues are your own, go talk to a therapist.
There will always be ignorant idiots who come to gay spaces and behave badly. If you want to keep them safe, be part of the overall system that makes those types of people feel unwelcome.
This is it, I think: that when a straight person is in our space, it’s OUR space, and the rules and norms are in place for our safety and comfort.