10 million dollars is a life changing amount of money, and at 14 you know that. I would have agreed to that at 14, provided he pays first and the acts are somewhat discussed beforehand, and at a secure location. Still would tbh.
Doesn’t make it right to allow that though.
I wouldn’t have. And if you look at child stars like Amamda Bynes, who essentially made that deal, it’s not worth it. They are severely fucked up for life. What a weird, cavalier approach to the effects of sexual assault on children.
I’m just talking about me here, so I guessed I’d be allowed to cavalier towards my own life experiences.
I had sex at 14 (the legal age of consent where I live btw) for a lot less than 10 million dollars, usually just peer pressure and low self worth, which teen doesn’t experience that. In retrospect, it doesn’t stand out from the other things I did as a teenager in either a positive or negative thing. Out of all the shit that i did in my youth that I feel had a long lasting effect on me as an adult, this was not one of them. So yes, I’d have taken that deal.
But, like I said, I’m just talking about my experience and how I probably would have felt about it at 14. Doesn’t mean there’s not still a hundred different ways this could go wrong. But 10 million dollars is probably a lot more useful than giving into peer pressure and low self esteem, so fuck I’d have taken it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
What was the age of the person you had sex with at 14?
Do you not understand the concept of trauma and how it relates to sexual assault? Ever read The Body Keeps the Score? Maybe you didn’t make it unscathed. Maybe wanting to rape your 14 year old self for $10mil shows it did fuck you up.
Maybe wanting to rape your 14 year old self for $10mil shows it did fuck you up.
Well,then if I took that deal, I’d at least have 10 mil to show for it. Now I’m traumatized and broke ;)
Jokes aside, you don’t know me and you can’t tell me how I should feel about stuff that happened to me. The guy was 27 and I feel fine about it. I’m not trying to argue we should allow it, or that it would be a healthy choice, but if I had 10 mil at 18 because of this interaction, my young adult life would have been hell of a lot easier.
Some people may feel like you and some people may feel like me, but let’s not pretend being the stroke of midnight on your 18th birthday magically makes you grown up. Different people can handle different shit at different ages. There’s stuff in my youth that affected me greatly while my peers hardly noticed it, and on the other side, this is not something I was bothered by, while it would have greatly affected others. People are not a monolith. The law cannot handle that level of complexity so it should obviously err on the side of caution. Not having sex while you could handle it is still a lot better than having sex and not being able to handle it.
You don’t need to agree with me, but this is my perspective on it, so please respect my lived experience and stop calling me “fucked up” because it’s different than yours.
I’d really recommend reading about PTSD and The Body Keeps the Score.
Sometimes you need someone to say, “hey, that’s fucked up,” to give yourself permission to say it too. Sometimes we need people in our lives to say that. Especially about an adult having sex with a 14 year old.
I get that’s what you’d choose. I still think that’s fucked up and you are ignorant to those effects, which are cognitively the same as torture. I don’t think YOU are fucked up though, just that thought is fucked up. I’m sorry I said it like that.
Look at Amanda Bynes now. She doesn’t have money anymore - she’s going to school to be a nail salon lady. Do you genuinely think she’s better off now than you are now? I think she’s under conservatorship and forced to take psychiatric meds. I wouldn’t trade lives with her.
I have read that book, and while there are some truths to it, I just personally do not feel that way about this situation.
And I don’t need you to try to therapize me about this, like I said, you don’t know me, you don’t get to decide how I feel about something that happened to me. And you trying to give me permission to feel bad about it or whatever is honestly patronizing. Stop projecting your feelings about the situation on me.
fucked up and you are ignorant to those effects, which are cognitively the same as torture
I agree that a situation that traumatizes you does indeed feel that way, because I’ve been through other traumatizing experiences (not sexual) since, so I can confidently say that these situations feel nothing alike to me. I know what the effect of trauma feels like, and this wasn’t it. I don’t see him as anything more or less than an ex boyfriend. We had fun, he was respectful and helpful, and while I was not really emotionally invested in the relationship, it was fun ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ when I ended it, I feld kinda sad but not overwhelmingly so, just like any breakup since. When I see him today, which happens every few years or so, it’s been a while since all this happened, we are friendly and warm towards each other, but we don’t seek each other out, because after the years we have very little I’m common. I’ve never had any shame or bad feelings about the situation afterwards, and as we never hid anything about it (it was legal after all), I can talk very openly and freely about it. But honestly I rarely even think about it unless it comes up on conversation.
I do not feel that way about the person or situation that traumatized me though. I am strict no contact with them, even the chance of seeing them used to put me in a state of terror, I can’t make small talk with them or see them at parties. What they did to me gave me nightmares, feelings of shame and debilitating anxiety about the specific situation happening again. When I saw a car similar to theirs in the street, I couldn’t leave the house for days. I’d avoid any place I knew they liked, even if they only mentioned it in passing. Despite a lot if therapy, I can seldom speak about this situation without a strong emotional reaction, which is why I can’t go into detail about what it was here, just that it was neither sexual nor happened in a romantic relationship. The day I could be reasonably sure I never had to see this person again was the best day of my life. Yet this experience has greatly influenced how I think about myself and the world, and even after years, I think about it a lot.
So what indication of me being “fucked up” by is there? Trauma response? Nope. Antipathy or feelings of being used? Nope. Longlasting effect on feelings and thoughts about the world? Nope.
The same things can be experienced differently by different people.
I’m not projecting. There’s science that shows this is what happens. I doubt you are a magical exception that proves that raping 14 year olds is actually okay for them. I think being okay with that shows you are affected by it. But I’m not really interested in provoking your trauma more. I do vehemently disagree and find that position to be gross at minimum and a red flag for your kids’ safety at maximum. It’s a very concerning belief.
10 million dollars is a life changing amount of money, and at 14 you know that. I would have agreed to that at 14, provided he pays first and the acts are somewhat discussed beforehand, and at a secure location. Still would tbh. Doesn’t make it right to allow that though.
I wouldn’t have. And if you look at child stars like Amamda Bynes, who essentially made that deal, it’s not worth it. They are severely fucked up for life. What a weird, cavalier approach to the effects of sexual assault on children.
I’m just talking about me here, so I guessed I’d be allowed to cavalier towards my own life experiences.
I had sex at 14 (the legal age of consent where I live btw) for a lot less than 10 million dollars, usually just peer pressure and low self worth, which teen doesn’t experience that. In retrospect, it doesn’t stand out from the other things I did as a teenager in either a positive or negative thing. Out of all the shit that i did in my youth that I feel had a long lasting effect on me as an adult, this was not one of them. So yes, I’d have taken that deal.
But, like I said, I’m just talking about my experience and how I probably would have felt about it at 14. Doesn’t mean there’s not still a hundred different ways this could go wrong. But 10 million dollars is probably a lot more useful than giving into peer pressure and low self esteem, so fuck I’d have taken it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
What was the age of the person you had sex with at 14?
Do you not understand the concept of trauma and how it relates to sexual assault? Ever read The Body Keeps the Score? Maybe you didn’t make it unscathed. Maybe wanting to rape your 14 year old self for $10mil shows it did fuck you up.
Well,then if I took that deal, I’d at least have 10 mil to show for it. Now I’m traumatized and broke ;)
Jokes aside, you don’t know me and you can’t tell me how I should feel about stuff that happened to me. The guy was 27 and I feel fine about it. I’m not trying to argue we should allow it, or that it would be a healthy choice, but if I had 10 mil at 18 because of this interaction, my young adult life would have been hell of a lot easier.
Some people may feel like you and some people may feel like me, but let’s not pretend being the stroke of midnight on your 18th birthday magically makes you grown up. Different people can handle different shit at different ages. There’s stuff in my youth that affected me greatly while my peers hardly noticed it, and on the other side, this is not something I was bothered by, while it would have greatly affected others. People are not a monolith. The law cannot handle that level of complexity so it should obviously err on the side of caution. Not having sex while you could handle it is still a lot better than having sex and not being able to handle it.
You don’t need to agree with me, but this is my perspective on it, so please respect my lived experience and stop calling me “fucked up” because it’s different than yours.
I’d really recommend reading about PTSD and The Body Keeps the Score.
Sometimes you need someone to say, “hey, that’s fucked up,” to give yourself permission to say it too. Sometimes we need people in our lives to say that. Especially about an adult having sex with a 14 year old.
I get that’s what you’d choose. I still think that’s fucked up and you are ignorant to those effects, which are cognitively the same as torture. I don’t think YOU are fucked up though, just that thought is fucked up. I’m sorry I said it like that.
Look at Amanda Bynes now. She doesn’t have money anymore - she’s going to school to be a nail salon lady. Do you genuinely think she’s better off now than you are now? I think she’s under conservatorship and forced to take psychiatric meds. I wouldn’t trade lives with her.
I have read that book, and while there are some truths to it, I just personally do not feel that way about this situation. And I don’t need you to try to therapize me about this, like I said, you don’t know me, you don’t get to decide how I feel about something that happened to me. And you trying to give me permission to feel bad about it or whatever is honestly patronizing. Stop projecting your feelings about the situation on me.
I agree that a situation that traumatizes you does indeed feel that way, because I’ve been through other traumatizing experiences (not sexual) since, so I can confidently say that these situations feel nothing alike to me. I know what the effect of trauma feels like, and this wasn’t it. I don’t see him as anything more or less than an ex boyfriend. We had fun, he was respectful and helpful, and while I was not really emotionally invested in the relationship, it was fun ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ when I ended it, I feld kinda sad but not overwhelmingly so, just like any breakup since. When I see him today, which happens every few years or so, it’s been a while since all this happened, we are friendly and warm towards each other, but we don’t seek each other out, because after the years we have very little I’m common. I’ve never had any shame or bad feelings about the situation afterwards, and as we never hid anything about it (it was legal after all), I can talk very openly and freely about it. But honestly I rarely even think about it unless it comes up on conversation.
I do not feel that way about the person or situation that traumatized me though. I am strict no contact with them, even the chance of seeing them used to put me in a state of terror, I can’t make small talk with them or see them at parties. What they did to me gave me nightmares, feelings of shame and debilitating anxiety about the specific situation happening again. When I saw a car similar to theirs in the street, I couldn’t leave the house for days. I’d avoid any place I knew they liked, even if they only mentioned it in passing. Despite a lot if therapy, I can seldom speak about this situation without a strong emotional reaction, which is why I can’t go into detail about what it was here, just that it was neither sexual nor happened in a romantic relationship. The day I could be reasonably sure I never had to see this person again was the best day of my life. Yet this experience has greatly influenced how I think about myself and the world, and even after years, I think about it a lot.
So what indication of me being “fucked up” by is there? Trauma response? Nope. Antipathy or feelings of being used? Nope. Longlasting effect on feelings and thoughts about the world? Nope.
The same things can be experienced differently by different people.
I’m not projecting. There’s science that shows this is what happens. I doubt you are a magical exception that proves that raping 14 year olds is actually okay for them. I think being okay with that shows you are affected by it. But I’m not really interested in provoking your trauma more. I do vehemently disagree and find that position to be gross at minimum and a red flag for your kids’ safety at maximum. It’s a very concerning belief.