forcing people to capitalise the pronoun “you” is absolutely nothing to do with gender. there is a huge difference between using a pronoun for someone that you feel could sound dehumanising (and for what it’s worth, i use it primarily because it was used as a slur towards me when i was younger) and requiring people to treat another person like a deity or a dom. it’s not a me problem, it’s abusive behaviour. i have absolutely no problem with neopronouns or xenogenders and have come out to support xenos many times. this is not that.

this is why you need politics in a community. i’m not talking about just political communities, but a political direction to your moderation. you’re suffering from a paradox of tolerance. you’re tolerating - and enforcing the toleration of - abusive behaviour because you lack the political instinct to see what is wrong with it. that makes this instance unsafe for trans people.

if someone comes on here and insists their pronouns are

are you going to tolerate that? this may be more subtle but it is ultimately no different.

ultimately you’re right. i did find my experience here frustrating, and i also found it pretty frustrating watching my partner, who was more active here, suffer through all this bullshit. we’ve both left, as have a number of others, and i hope you’re happy that your decisions have forced out so many trans people from your supposedly safe community. i’m not expecting you to change your ways at this point, but seriously. this is fucked up, and your openness is being exploited. i feel bad for the people here.

i 100% agreed with the respecting a trolls pronouns thing, until i came here. i still do, with the notable exception that i will not respect someone’s pronouns when those pronouns make me feel sexually exploited - and when those pronouns have absolutely nothing to do with gender and are more about making a mockery of trans people and playing out a power fantasy over other people.

ban me for this if you want but i haven’t spoken directly about this situation on this instance precisely because i expect to be banned for doing so, and it’s simply not the same as any other situation with pronouns. the pronouns themselves are the issue. i’m a discord mod and sometimes i have to ban trolls with obviously racist, transphobic, or nazi pronouns - i don’t respect those either. i can’t see this situation as any different when the pronouns themselves genuinely make some people feel unsafe.

i would also add that you cannot have an instance without politics. trying to do so is making a political decision, and it is one that ultimately invites fascism. i would love it if all trans people had politics that were safe to be around. but they don’t.

meow i has been succesfully picked up (and ps my partner is amazing n v pretty :3)