I’m incredibly lonely and isolated, which is understandably depressing. But it’s also harder to make friends to solve the loneliness because I simply am too damn sad to not be a downer. When I’m at my lonliest, that’s when I’m really motivated to want to talk to someone; and venting all your depressed thoughts isn’t the best first impression. When I am actually having a good day, I don’t feel like I need anyone; I’m perfectly happy to be alone and spend time with myself.

I wanted to really meet new people here, and try to be closer than just a stranger on the Internet but I am struggling with it and it’s very concerning to me. I never had problems being myself online, and a decade ago I would have said my online self is more the real me than the me in the real world due to my mostly non-verbal nature. I’m much more open, or was, when I am communicating through text. But since marrying and divorcing I’ve been unable to really share myself that way even in the spaces I felt most comfortable.

On top of all that, I have this extreme urge to be with a furry. I don’t mean like an actual anthropomorphic character, but like… Another human who is a furry. Lately I’ve wondered if I am actually just fetishizing it, but the main reason I specifically want to be with another furry is it feels like it would be easier to be understood and get along being little weirdos together. But I also live in a super conservative part of an otherwise liberal state; just being queer in general is hard enough here finding someone who shares in other interests like this even harder.

I don’t know where I’m going with this I just needed to vent to real people and not to a wall or an AI. I mean, I’d love to just be engaged with a little. Get me to open up I guess? If anyone is even interested despite my bullshit. IDK… I feel stupid now after saying all this, but I’m hitting the post button anyway.

  • Awoos the Kinkwolf@yiffit.netM
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    1 year ago

    You have my sympathies, unfortunately I don’t really know anything that could help.

    I can’t say that I’m feeling the exact same way as you, but a few of the things you’ve said really resonate with me. Due to things in my history I won’t go into, I’ve generally not been able to lead a normal “social life”. I’ve never had a relationship or even friends IRL, and even my online social circle has pretty much been a few random people I stumbled into and have stuck with for many years.

    I don’t really know how I’d go about getting friends, and even if I did, there’s just this huge wall of social anxiety that feels insurmountable. I want to make furry friends, get involved in the community, meet people IRL, but it’s just so hard for me… Everyone else I see online just seems to be having more fulfilling lives than me, and I’ve basically wasted my twenties…

    Anyway, sorry for making things about myself a bit there, been looking for an excuse to vent for a while, tbh.

    Only thing I can suggest, and something that kinda worked for me, is to make friends through online games. It’s a good social lubricant and a way to do something with people when you aren’t feeling like a “downer”. Although you run the risk of finding tryhards that are critical of everyone that doesn’t play perfectly…

    I guess also think about what you need to actually “open up”. Like, if you were talking to someone, what would make you comfortable enough to open up to them in the way you are looking for?