I’m incredibly lonely and isolated, which is understandably depressing. But it’s also harder to make friends to solve the loneliness because I simply am too damn sad to not be a downer. When I’m at my lonliest, that’s when I’m really motivated to want to talk to someone; and venting all your depressed thoughts isn’t the best first impression. When I am actually having a good day, I don’t feel like I need anyone; I’m perfectly happy to be alone and spend time with myself.

I wanted to really meet new people here, and try to be closer than just a stranger on the Internet but I am struggling with it and it’s very concerning to me. I never had problems being myself online, and a decade ago I would have said my online self is more the real me than the me in the real world due to my mostly non-verbal nature. I’m much more open, or was, when I am communicating through text. But since marrying and divorcing I’ve been unable to really share myself that way even in the spaces I felt most comfortable.

On top of all that, I have this extreme urge to be with a furry. I don’t mean like an actual anthropomorphic character, but like… Another human who is a furry. Lately I’ve wondered if I am actually just fetishizing it, but the main reason I specifically want to be with another furry is it feels like it would be easier to be understood and get along being little weirdos together. But I also live in a super conservative part of an otherwise liberal state; just being queer in general is hard enough here finding someone who shares in other interests like this even harder.

I don’t know where I’m going with this I just needed to vent to real people and not to a wall or an AI. I mean, I’d love to just be engaged with a little. Get me to open up I guess? If anyone is even interested despite my bullshit. IDK… I feel stupid now after saying all this, but I’m hitting the post button anyway.

  • Fal@yiffit.netEnglish
    8·
    1 year ago

    I have a suggestion. Don’t look for another furry, but look for another weirdo in general. I’m married to someone who isn’t a furry, but who is a weirdo in her own way. And although it might be nice if she was as into yiff as I was, I really don’t want to be in a relationship with myself. So it works out I think. Not sure what kind of nonsense relationship I’d be in if she was just as into the same weird kink shit I am.

    I don’t have much advice for being open though. I’ve never been good at that. Even online

      • Yote.zip@pawb.socialEnglish
        3·
        1 year ago

        Being around people who don’t share my interests is fun because I get to teach them through force. I imagine you wouldn’t have much to talk about with a clone of yourself. If I end up dating anyone (I’m in a small conservative state and dating is just not on my radar atm) I’m probably not going to limit myself to furries - I feel like furries are pretty well accepted in queer communities so it wouldn’t be that hard to find a partner that lets me be a dumb dog.

  • Yote.zip@pawb.socialEnglish
    6·
    1 year ago

    I’ve had similar thoughts, but somehow it doesn’t really affect me like I suspect it should. I don’t know if I’ve somehow protected myself from those feelings, but I think I’m just too busy IRL to have time to feel anything about it. I’m very much an introvert and feel more natural being one of my many identities online.

    I’ve been a furry for probably ~15 years at this point, but I’ve never really interacted with the community. I was sort of hoping that Lemmy would be a way to connect with it in a more accessible way. I’m sad that Furry Lemmy didn’t take off as much as I thought it would - furries usually love this sort of thing, and I was surprised to see that most would rather stay behind in The Bad Place. I didn’t even have a reddit account before this, but I was motivated to try to bring Lemmy to life. The good news is that Lemmy has come to life, but the furry section feels a little empty.

    I’m not sure how to solve this short term - making friends seems easiest when you’re not trying. A furry fediverse chatroom might be a way to have more of a social aspect, but I don’t know if I’ve seen any around. Mastodon just feels too “me”-centered, and that’s probably why I don’t use any traditional social media. I would generally like to make more furry friends but am not sure how to go about it. In the meantime, as I type this I’m on endless client calls and have project deadlines to meet and it’s easier just to suppress the notion indefinitely.

  • Awoos the Kinkwolf@yiffit.netMEnglish
    5·
    1 year ago

    You have my sympathies, unfortunately I don’t really know anything that could help.

    I can’t say that I’m feeling the exact same way as you, but a few of the things you’ve said really resonate with me. Due to things in my history I won’t go into, I’ve generally not been able to lead a normal “social life”. I’ve never had a relationship or even friends IRL, and even my online social circle has pretty much been a few random people I stumbled into and have stuck with for many years.

    I don’t really know how I’d go about getting friends, and even if I did, there’s just this huge wall of social anxiety that feels insurmountable. I want to make furry friends, get involved in the community, meet people IRL, but it’s just so hard for me… Everyone else I see online just seems to be having more fulfilling lives than me, and I’ve basically wasted my twenties…

    Anyway, sorry for making things about myself a bit there, been looking for an excuse to vent for a while, tbh.

    Only thing I can suggest, and something that kinda worked for me, is to make friends through online games. It’s a good social lubricant and a way to do something with people when you aren’t feeling like a “downer”. Although you run the risk of finding tryhards that are critical of everyone that doesn’t play perfectly…

    I guess also think about what you need to actually “open up”. Like, if you were talking to someone, what would make you comfortable enough to open up to them in the way you are looking for?

  • PurringFox@yiffit.netEnglish
    3·
    1 year ago

    Hey. You have my sympathy.

    There is sadly no general solution to get rid of the loneliness-feeling. But since I’m a bit in a similar situation I can tell you what I did and am trying to do:

    • Accept most real life invitations of friends/family/colleagues, also when you feel your “inner-self” not willing.

    • Don’t overfocus only on your interests, be open for new stuff. Sometimes it is interesting enough to just listen to interests of different people.

    • Don’t think about you being alone. Redirect your thoughts somewhere else.

    • Find yourself an online pen-pal, with whom you write at least one msg per day. For example in my community !fur4fur@yiffit.net. Online contacts are not as good as IRL ones, but IMO it is still better to have a one-to-one conversation with someone, than just consuming content on social media. A heads up with finding people online, I only recommend that when you have a “thick fur”, since people on the internet are strange and mean sometimes.

    • Mainly try to find friends, not relationships. The latter should technically come on its own, when your social network grows.

    Feel free to DM me, I’m always happy to make some new online friends. Read more about me in my intro post on fur4fur.