Sorry for the negative post but this disorder is genuinely terrible. I was diagnosed a few months ago and from the report I received it seems like I have an extremely bad case of it.
I lost 8 percent of my final grade in an operating system class because I submitted the wrong file.
Fine, I have syncthing setup between my desktop and laptop so I’ll just check if the assignment is on my shared folder in my desktop. It’s not.
Ok, I’ll turn on my laptop and grab the file itself. Oh, I have a boot error and now I need to open up the recovery environment to see if the hard drive is even being recognized.
It’s not. Now I have to open up the laptop and reconnect it.
At this point it’s been 30 minutes of me scrambling to get my laptop up and working again and I found the damn assignment there. I emailed my professor and I’m praying that he reevaluates the assignment because the earlier submission had nothing on it. It was just the default assignment.
None of this shit would have happened had I taken just one second to check over what I submitted a month earlier.
I hate reading articles pertaining to ADHD as if it’s some quirky condition that just takes a little bit of time and medication to work through. Its not. I have to constantly remind myself that I’m even conscious in order to function at all, and now I have to sustain extra mental effort to do a relatively hard task.
The only thing that keeps me going is my boss saying “nice work” when I diagnose an issue successfully. It feels infantilizing, as if he knows there’s something going on with me that’s making it hard to cope with the demands of life but “atleast he’s trying his best, atleast he shows up to work, this customer said he had a friendly attitude”.
You must log in or register to comment.
There are only a few symptoms of ADHD that Id consider useful:
-
Novelty seeking. If you are able to explore and experiment i.e you are financially secure and/or well connected, this can make someone a great scientist/artist etc. But as other people noted, a lot of this is the result of having the freedom to do more things. If you cant explore or experiment, it’ll just make you feel trapped.
-
Greater capacity for creativity. Creativity comes from allowing your mind to wander and jump from one thing to another and thats basically pure ADHD.
That said, ADHD is classified as a disorder for a reason. It can theoretically have positive traits but no one jumps through the hoops to get diagnosed, goes through therapy and takes medication to treat it because things are going better for them because of it. ADHD can be, and often is, debilitating. It can cripple your social life and cause you to either jump from job to job because you are bored to the point of physical suffering or be fired if it isnt controlled. And because emotional dysregulation is common, you are probably going to be emotionally exhausted or even outright traumatized. And of course, school is going to be harder for you than everyone else at some point.
The one thing that is super handy for me about ADHD is that I tend to fall into fits of hyper focus, and I like learning, so contrary to what many people have said, ADHD makes me potentially a better student.
I don’t have another me without ADHD to cross compare it with but the fact that I can easily sit down and read a 400 page textbook from cover to cover in a couple of hours and retain the majority of what I’ve read has been incredibly helpful.
I’ve always thought I don’t have ADHD because I love learning new things and didn’t have problems in school. I was lucky enough to like most subjects. For the few I didn’t like, such as geography and economics, I got OK grades if I just briefly skimmed the textbook before the exam. More recently, the fact that sticking with a topic is hard, that I simply could not concentrate at all on a live video instruction that I was supposed to do with my colleagues (it just went too slowly) and that I keep “overtalking” even when I know people are not interested, started to add up. Also household chores. Really realy difficult, much worse than actually difficult problems such as physics or debugging.
-
Is that shitty ability to concatenate bad situations a symptom? Because damn… I don’t know how can I defy luck so much.
I saw a great response to that on this community (or on Reddit, can’t remember). Sure, ADHD is like a superpower. It’s like being able to fly, except you can’t choose when you start flying, how fast you fly, which direction you fly in, or when you stop flying.
My therapist recommended a book about how ADHD can be a “superpower,” but as I read the book I noticed that nearly every single example they gave of some famous person that “leveraged their ADHD into success” was rich to start with.
Like, it obviously wasn’t ADHD that made them successful, it was generational wealth - classic “pull yourself by your bootstraps” BS. I couldn’t even finish the book, because it was just making me angry.
Out of curiosity, what was the book?
The ADHD Advantage
Disclaimer: I only made it like 2 chapters in, so it might not be fair of me to discredit the book.
This may be a not well-liked opinion, but I think ADHD is severely overdiagnosed. And I believe the biggest reason for that is our extremely competitive society. And also a misunderstanding about what it means to be happy or fulfilled.
Another reason could be that people who do not have ADHD share some of the symptoms because of how our society interacts with technology/media.
People are looking for an explanation why they can’t reach what they believe is a necessity. But it’s often just a bar that is way too high for the average person. And it should actually be okay to not reach it.
There is probably a bunch of other health issues that also share this problem.
If ADHD is a superpower for someone, it quite obviously isn’t a mental health issue for them (anymore). They either never had it in the first place or they have gotten rid of it.
ADHD may be overdiagnosed in some ways eg. children young for their grade, hyperactive boys etc. but it is definitely underdiagnosed in other ways eg. primarily inattentive, girls/women etc.
It is clear from research that men and women are probably equally likely or close to it, to have ADHD but the ADHD tends to manifest differently due to socialization. i.e boys tend to exhibit outward hyperactivity and impulsivity while girls tend to exhibit inattention and inner hyperactivity i.e restless mind, squirm in their seat etc. and are more commonly misdiagnosed as having anxiety, depression and other conditions that can mimic aspects of ADHD.
Inattentive ADHD (which is what I have) tends to be underdiagnosed because quite frankly, people tend not to care that much about you having ADHD until you inconvenience them because of it. Inattention is arguably less disruptive to others than hyperativity. i.e the space cadet vs the kid bouncing off the walls.
I was diagnosed a few years ago. I disagree with you. Yes, there are some things that are harder for me to do. But, I’m really good at my EMS job, and a significant portion of the most competent individuals I work with are also ADHD. I would not be as good as I am without being ADHD. Though, it would have been easier to get through the class to get my license without it.
People who claim having ADHD has benefits or is a super power are just saying it to make it sound less bad. The reality is that ADHD sucks. It’s not impossible to deal with most of the time once you learn more about yourself and how your ADHD impacts you and what can help you manage the symptoms. Every individual is different. And sometimes we just have to accept that we mess up and that, although we are responsible for those mess ups and we have to work extra hard to blend in and try not to mess up too badly, it’s also a handicap that we didn’t ask for.
I don’t get why people say they have certain positive traits thanks to their ADHD. Why can’t it be because they themselves, as people, are good at something? Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and every individual is unique. ADHD makes things more difficult, but not impossible. We just have to work with what we have and all we can do is try to find ways to get what we want in a way that works for us.
I’ve had moments where I genuinely felt like ADHD has benefited me, like when went into hyperfocus mode and launched some new project I would have never started otherwise. I feel like I’m a bit more creative and enthusiastic at times. But 99% of the time ADHD is just a condition that sucks for me.
I randomly got interested in a niche industry and started hyperfocusing on learning about it in my free time, without any intent other than indulging my curiosity. Sometime afterwards I was looking for work and saw an opportunity in that industry. I responded and was able to come across like a highly experienced enthusiast whom specialised in the field the company needed experience in. They hired me and I quickly became the most senior person in the company in technical areas related to the industry. It was a large pay increase, the company is great and I’ve been with them for many years now. None of it would’ve happened without my highly inquisitive nature, which I consider as a positive effect of my ADHD. The specific opportunity coming up was still complete luck. But given the number of tangents I’ve gone on in the past, diving deep into learning the intricacies of some niche or hobby, I’d likely be open to similar kinds of opportunities in those areas in ways I’ve never even considered. I’ve always thought of it as just ‘going with the flow’, but I think for the average neurotypical person it’s often unreasonable to think that would actually get you far in life.
I mean I wouldn’t call it a super power. but I’m working as a AV tech guy and the more stressful an event gets and there’s hundreds of things going on at the same time, the more I’m becoming calm and tackle it waaay better than all of my colleagues. so I made (at least in this regard) peace with it, to know that I choose the perfect job for it/ me.
Why does this happen? I feel like the stupidest person in the world 90% of the time. Log into work and our PostgreSQL server is about to fall over. I don’t know PostgreSQL, I didn’t setup the server and I generally don’t have anyone on to help me, but I manage to execute a complicated fix before it implodes. Then I go back to forgetting where I put my phone down every thirty seconds.
I just got diagnosed a year and a half ago or so. Reading other peoples stories has really helped me reflect on the past and put every thing in context.
Yep, at work I’m the shit when it comes to putting out fires. I’m really good at it. I cannot stand most of the day to day, but when things break, guess who the first person they call for finding answers is. Hint, it’s me.
I think part of the challenge we face is a larger hurdle to get engaged with a task. So we either need something very interesting or stressful enough to capture our attention. But once it has our attention, it tends to have our full attention. Also we so frequently have to solve problems in a rush because we put it off until the last minute we are familiar with that mode of operation.
Some people have made their ADHD (or “neurodivergence” more broadly) a core facet of their identity and worthy of pride and praise instead of an issue to be managed like diabetes or something.
It’s a coping strategy in reaction to all the negativity they’ve endured. So they go a step past acceptance into “actually no, it’s a good thing!”
Sorry bro, it isn’t. And the more severe it is, the more clear this becomes. Life demands certain things of all of us that require executive function and the side effects of ADHD like creativity and hyper-focus, are not worth being unable to remember to pay your bills, hand in your homework, or complete basic household tasks in a timely manner.
We give ourselves grace, we love ourselves as we are sure, but we just can’t start pretending our farts smell great or we lose all touch with reality.
“Nice work” this is your adhd trick, that dopamine release when you solve a problem. I’m 25 plus years working now, different career’s but that trick, that solve issue get dopamine, I’ve realized I can quite literally fix anything now, could change jobs in the morning and be working on my own with no support in under a month.
Anything except chemisty and this phone’s autocorrect.
You can take that trick and apply it on anything else, just frame what you need to do as problem.
I see this a lot and dismiss it constantly. I also wrongly dismissed to-do lists before my old therapist (who himself had and specialized in ADHD) told me how to write them: not, “do the dishes,” but “gather up the pots, soap them, gather the silverware, put them in a pot, fill with hot water, …etc.”
Do you have any insight on how to actually view nebulous assignments as puzzles/problems?
Just as your therapist and agent_flounder say, always start at the very start, just that small step first and remember to stop, don’t go full hyperfocus and attempt the whole huge project in one go. let say you complete three small parts/decisions, slap yourself on the back and go for walk/coffee/game.
At the kinda base of it, it is about steering yourself into the flow, if you start small and get an early success hit, then tackle a slightly bigger item, you’ll be moving along nicely in no time.
We’re all taking about career stuff right now, but don’t be afraid to throw in non work stuff, I’m WFH now and I may start the day with some CAD design, slap that part into the printer then start mirroring a customers VM to trouble shoot some janky java that’ll only fail on there eviroment. I won’t solve why that crap is flaking out but at the end of the day I’ll have a new part in my hand and a testing enviroment to begin with the next day. Time then for exercise/chill/motorcycle ride until the kids come home and the real work begins lol
PS some days I’ll be delighted to have sent an email, can’t win all the time.
So first off, on a personal note, I just wanna take a second and acknowledge that it sounds like you’re really “in it.” You’re feeling the familiar frustration, and the shame. That little voice in the back of your head that whispers, “I’m not enough” is loud and clear right now. It sounds like you’ve had a lot going on, maybe you’re burntout, and you’re sick of feeling like a failure? All of that is totally valid, and it makes sense why you’d feel that way given the lifetime of negative reinforcement you’ve received, the recent diagnosis, and all the pressure to just be able to do what others can. I think most of us here, especially those of us that were also diagnosed as adults, can relate to those feelings in a big way. I know I can. I’m really sorry that you’re going through that. :(
On a discussion-oriented note, generally speaking, I think it’s important to be able to see ADHD holistically. It is a debilitating disability and it is comorbid with some really awesome/interesting qualities. It is not a superpower, but it is also not all bad, either; it’s not just one thing, it’s a whole-ass neurotype that comes with all the quirks and kinks any other brain has.
Your experience might be that you don’t believe the trade-off is worth it, and you know, most days I would agree with you. I think most people here would. The truth is, though, it’s really no better or worse than any other brain in terms of being a good, functional brain. ADHD is not an illness. We are only disabled insofar as society is disabling to us. The world was not built for us, and until we make some more equitable, systemic changes, we will continue to struggle. Just as modern buildings need to include wheelchair ramps and wider doorframes for people with walking aids, the future of society needs to include us in its design. We need accommodation to be able to thrive, and under the right conditions, it would not at all be out of the question.
None of this is meant to absolve us of accountability or responsibility, and it’s not to say that nothing is really our fault, or that the pain we experience isn’t valid. I just mean to say that we spend a lot of time beating ourselves up and commiseratting getting beat down by the world, which is completely understandable, but is there a different conversation that might be more beneficial to us? How can we educate our bosses and teachers and parents about us? How do we make sure that kids are being appropriately diagnosed, and that girls and children of color get diagnosed, as well? What could an ADHD/Autism-friendly work environment look like? What about ADHD/Autism-friendly supermarkets? How can we change stigma, expectations, and our environments to be better? Don’t we deserve better? Yes, having ADHD sucks as it stands, but does it have to?
That’s just my 2¢, anyway.
We are only disabled insofar as society is disabling to us.
This line is reasoning really frustrates me
It doesn’t matter what society I live in, I’m still going to forget people’s birthdays, I’m going to forget to call them, I’m going to forget promises I made, I’m going to turn up late for things etc.
All of those things negatively impact my relationships, even in worlds built to include us
Society could absolutely be shaped better for us and reduce the issues we face, but that isn’t the total picture
I understand the frusteration–I know it feels like an unrealistic suggestion. But I think it’s important to question whether a more general understanding of ADHD could help? Like if people knew that, because you have ADHD, forgetting a date or something is not a sign that you don’t care about them as it’s out of your control. Maybe people in your life could learn how you express that they are important to you. They could learn to appreciate you for who you are and forgive you for who you are not. I know, for me, I greatly appreciate when someone remembers my birthday or an important date, but I don’t hold it against them when they don’t/can’t.
That’s what I mean. It’s not reasonable to expect us to conform to every societal expectation when we literally can’t, especially when others might have more flexibility to meet us where we are (or even in the middle) and don’t currently put in that effort a lot of the time. People could be more aware and compassionate of our condition, just as they won’t be mad of someone with a walker can’t help them move. It doesn’t mean they don’t want to help or that they don’t care, they just don’t have the mobility. People understand that, so why couldn’t they understand us, too?
I know, for me, I greatly appreciate when someone remembers my birthday or an important date, but I don’t hold it against them when they don’t/can’t
Right, but even there, you acknowledge the difference. Tolerating the lack of something is not the same as finding joy in its presence. That thing you where you greatly appreciate folks who remember is something I struggle to receive in my relationships.
And to me, this stuff isn’t a societal norm issue. If birthdays weren’t important, it would be something else. Everyone, irrelevant of their culture or background, finds contact with friends meaningful, finds some memories and dates and moments meaningful. I will always struggle with those things.
People understand that, so why couldn’t they understand us, too?
Because the things we’re talking about here directly impact the ability to develop and sustain relationships. My inability to remember important things or even sustain basic regular contact directly undermines my relationships with people. And yeah, I can compensate, I can work around, I can develop other areas of the relationship etc, but my point is, it isn’t a deficit simply “because society”. In cases like this, it would be a deficit no matter how we restructured things.
I don’t disagree but thinking of the disorder in purely negative terms is not helpful. It feels like there are some things we are better at. Listening to comedy podcasts I discover many comedians are ADHD and adjacent types e.g. autism. It wouldn’t be a surprise to learn that many creative people are classified as ‘disordered’. I think the key to managing this condition are
- medication
- good routines (sleep, work, diet, exercise)
- self awareness and acceptance
If you take one or more of these away, life among neurotypical people becomes untenable. It’s in comparison to neurotypical people that we can feel inadequate and anything we can do to address those issues will improve the situation for everyone.
hahaha superpower.
more like monkeys paw wish.
I wish I could understand many complex things. Granted, but you don’t get to choose them, and their relevance is rare.
I wish I could notice small details no one else could. Granted, but you can’t analyze them, and each thing triggers your anxiety, hundreds of times a day.
I wish I could specialize in something. Granted, at least until the dopamine kick ends.
I wish I had motivation to do things. Granted, but it’s anything other than what you need to do.
I wish I had super hearing? Granted, but the doctors will grow concerned because your ADHD meds can cause psychosis.
I wish I had great memory. Granted, but you only recall images and never a conversation or video.
ADHD makes you work 2-3x as hard all the time about everything you care about so when compared to a regular person we are fucking superstars at working our asses off just to get along.
Unfortunately nothing is measured in effort and caring alone. So until you also get good at whatever it is you’re doing, you don’t get any notice. So we appear from the outside to go from okay to amazing at things pretty quickly and faster than other people, but it’s really because we’re either working 200% or not at all.
Don’t sweat the grade. You’ve now burned into your memory this failure and you will have an easier time remembering to stop and check your files for that kind of error before submitting. I’ve been in the workplace 20 years now and I have 1000 past disasters whispering in my ear every time I do something so my work is exemplary compared to my coworkers and I look like I have a superpower. I just have a lot of experience failing first.
The book ADHD 2.0 calls this out. It’s like “you may hear that ADHD is a superpower. It is not. Anything that you can do with ADHD can also be done by neurotypical people. Thinking like this makes it harder for people with ADHD to accommodate their limitations.”
