The picture that made you click on this post was captured 2 weeks ago. 165lbs 5’8. I’m no longer obese, I haven’t been for months now, but I’m still stared up and down from other strangers who are trying ascertain whether I pose a threat or not.
I’m walking forward and not acknowledging you and yet you’re fiddling around with ur pockets or moving away from me. I could share more but people have a tendency to question what really happened in x experience, derailing the discussion entirely. I’m stuck in Vancouver for the foreseeable future and I’d appreciate it if you just answered the question.
I’m not interested in empty platitudes or comments unrelated to the topic at hand. “What can I change about my face to make the average vancouverite less scared of me”. That’s it. I’m not expecting anyone here to be an expert on anthropology but this is an (mostly, IDK ur OSINT but me personally idc anymore) anonymous forum. Say that I look tired and I’ll look for surgeons who can handle complex eyelid surgeries. Id appreciate candidness. Random assortment of photos I found within the last year. I can’t be half assed to remove identifying information anymore.
People who feel threatened by you are probably just racist. It’s not your face.
This being said, I’m a big guy and also scare people. Smile at people, even if it’s fake. Say good afternoon, or whatever. I try to dress smartly, wear bright colours, etc.
The black beanie and black coat combo isn’t doing you any favours.
I have no clue how I would even begin to phrase my question so that I get actual answers while avoiding the troll accusations.
I’m glad that we agree that people are racist. It isn’t comforting to know that I’ll face extra challenges wrt employment and relationships because people are scared of my very existence. Maybe I should’ve posted myself in my company attire?
Something about my face is signifying to people that I am black. I already have funds set aside for rhinoplasty. It’s as if people are going out of their way to ignore this and I don’t know why.
In the spirit of giving candid responses, I encourage you to speak to a mental health professional. There are services that aren’t going to be as expensive as you might think. I don’t know how to explain this, but I’m not saying this because there’s something wrong with your head, but rather that I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your face.
It’s the fact that you are black. Not a you problem. Nothing wrong with you there.
Personally I don’t think you need it. Your nose looks fine to me. If you read this and scoff or dismiss it, why? What reason do I have to say something I don’t mean? Why do you think you need it?
I don’t know what ‘this’ is but if you mean the 2 things I addressed before, it’s because to these people, those are not problems, so when people are trying to help you with a problem, those are not the things that they think to help with. This is where someone who is trained to listen and talk about the things you want to talk about would do better. Find a trained therapist.
Maybe there’s nothing wrong with me in a purely egalitarian sense, as in there’s nothing instrinsically wrong with anyone’s race. I agree.
My race is problematic specifically because of people who behave much more differently than me because of the way I look. From a quality of life perspective it would be better if I appeared less black.
I’m glad that you don’t think my nose size is weird. Get your friends from the lower mainland drunk enough and ask them their earnest opinion of black people.
My large nose is the biggest giveaway that I am black, very black. Reduce the size of my nose and I’m one step removed from looking like a black African. Maybe I should reduce the size of my lips? Maybe I need to do something with my skull or eyelids so less of my eyeballs show? Not sure, which is why I came here.
Therapy will make me feel good in the moment but it doesn’t change my reality. Even if I 3nd up spending 60k+ cad on these surgeries(I’ll likely be going to Turkey for the more invasive ones) it will pay off both from an economical standpoint and quality of life standpoint.
I know there’s a better forum for this somewhere, but it’s not exactly like raceswapping is in vogue yet. My uncle openly brags about how much lighter his skin is now and talks about the Lebanese women he pulled, my mother wonders where I got my massive nose from. Jamaicans hate the fact that they have dark skin and if you’re not “black” in a poorly developed african nation you are automatically assumed to be more competent. Therapy isn’t going to even recognize this as an issue, and it’s not something that I can fix alone.
I wish I knew the good thing to say, man. I’m sorry things are like that for you. Honest. I don’t know what I could say that won’t come across as privileged. I still think you should talk to someone. You don’t live in the US south and you don’t live in Africa or Jamaica either. You don’t need to solve every problem you might have anywhere, it’s ok to work on the problems you have in your private life. I really don’t want to make judgement calls on your environment but it seems to me like there are parts of it that are a problem that you don’t register as a problem. Talk to someone.
I’ll address some things directly.
I don’t think you should.
I don’t think you need to do anything to your skull or eyelids.
Reality is what you perceive, and there are always things you perceive easier than others. We all have blind spots and fixations.
Yeah ima second the other commenter, this ain’t the kind of thing you’re going to figure out talking to strangers on the internet, this is something to explore and tackle with a mental health professional. Again, not because there seems to be anything wrong with you. But you’re obviously grappling with some major identity and self image issues that will be helped on an order of magnitude better by talking to a therapist rather than surgical intervention.
Man, you’re a good-looking guy as-is. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise - even yourself.