You are not wrong in your thinking. However ,if someones lashes at you, then you by turn lash out to someone else unrelated to your issues, and then by consequence that person lashes out again on someone unrelated, very quickly becomes a very long and complicated chain that you simply can’t stop from coming at you, but you can stop it from spreading once it reaches you. This has been debated for a very long time as the cycle of rage, which to be honest, I am not sure if we have a way out completely. Maybe over time we care more about emotional intelligence and make these problems less prevalent (but I would not bet on that)
Are you a fellow freedom lover? I swear you’ve just described a huge part of the rot in American culture. Hell the whole world knows that one of our major political parties stays in power largely by promising to hurt the “right” people.
I am not from the US, but I do see in many places (if not all) this “us vs them” mentality. From what I know, specifically in politics, by giving a “face” to a specific problem and then lash out on that “face” to have more influence has been a constant lately (I believe the rise of the extreme right has a lot to do with this). In general, I am a firm believer emotional intelligence is in extreme short supply everywhere. We need to have more understanding how we should behave with ourselves and others. Society wise needs to change as well, but that is a tall order…
I don’t lash out, I’m more of a “keep everything inside” person, but that still doesn’t stop others from taking it out on me, and while I internalize a lot, I react… Harshly to aggression.
I think in this instance is a bit different, we are talking about reaction in this case to the supposed aggressor. I won’t lie I am guilty of this myself at times, but this can also be detrimental on many interactions (depending if we are talking about a stranger vs a friend or family member). To be clear, we as humans are hardwired to always prioritize our well being first, and sometimes that does contradict on how our behavior is expected. However, on every instance of these events we should be able to first think how we should react and then do something about it (on a flight or fight situation this does not exist, since at that point our reflexes and reactions prioritize our well being first no matter what). Meaning, for the most part we should try to behave in a way that de escalates a situation instead of escalating. And for my understating, this is where the kindness argument comes in. If a situation can be de escalated by not responding on the same way as the aggressor, you can potentially get out of the aggression situation to a more neutral ground.
PS: regarding your internalization bit, I cannot say what is the best way to live your life, but from my personal experience, having someone to just talk to about these subjects can be extremely valuable. Just by offloading in a constructive way to someone (meaning, no lashing out) can relieve a massive burden out of you (and as for me, I do not believe in the methods where there is not feedback, e.g.: diaries, but that is my take)
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
All of us have some sort of sh!t to deal with. It’s good coping skills that are not as common. Nor do people put their issues into perspective easily. Will you remember that issue in five days/weeks/months/years? Process them more appropriately, but little issues can stack up and make for a bad day. A day you won’t likely remember in a month. Certainly no reason to be an ass to folks.
I’d use my meager skills to handle, deflect, deal in some way or ultimately walk away from someone and their issues if need be.
If it is somebody you care about, you’ll help them more easily. The challenge is with people you don’t have any attachment to. Depends on the day, but I like helping them too if I can. I have no trouble walking away if they are toxic, but most appreciate the kindness. It doesn’t even need to be anything involved. You could just say, “Hey, I like that jacket/hat/tattoo/whatever.”, to give them a bright spot in their day and move on.
Rarely do I get the same treatment returned, but I won’t stop what I do. Everyone is seemingly so self-absorbed (and angry) these days, that I treat “being nice” like it’s a lost art.
Yeah, but people with problems shouldn’t take it out on me. It’s not like I don’t have my own stuff going on.
You are not wrong in your thinking. However ,if someones lashes at you, then you by turn lash out to someone else unrelated to your issues, and then by consequence that person lashes out again on someone unrelated, very quickly becomes a very long and complicated chain that you simply can’t stop from coming at you, but you can stop it from spreading once it reaches you. This has been debated for a very long time as the cycle of rage, which to be honest, I am not sure if we have a way out completely. Maybe over time we care more about emotional intelligence and make these problems less prevalent (but I would not bet on that)
Are you a fellow freedom lover? I swear you’ve just described a huge part of the rot in American culture. Hell the whole world knows that one of our major political parties stays in power largely by promising to hurt the “right” people.
I am not from the US, but I do see in many places (if not all) this “us vs them” mentality. From what I know, specifically in politics, by giving a “face” to a specific problem and then lash out on that “face” to have more influence has been a constant lately (I believe the rise of the extreme right has a lot to do with this). In general, I am a firm believer emotional intelligence is in extreme short supply everywhere. We need to have more understanding how we should behave with ourselves and others. Society wise needs to change as well, but that is a tall order…
I don’t lash out, I’m more of a “keep everything inside” person, but that still doesn’t stop others from taking it out on me, and while I internalize a lot, I react… Harshly to aggression.
I think in this instance is a bit different, we are talking about reaction in this case to the supposed aggressor. I won’t lie I am guilty of this myself at times, but this can also be detrimental on many interactions (depending if we are talking about a stranger vs a friend or family member). To be clear, we as humans are hardwired to always prioritize our well being first, and sometimes that does contradict on how our behavior is expected. However, on every instance of these events we should be able to first think how we should react and then do something about it (on a flight or fight situation this does not exist, since at that point our reflexes and reactions prioritize our well being first no matter what). Meaning, for the most part we should try to behave in a way that de escalates a situation instead of escalating. And for my understating, this is where the kindness argument comes in. If a situation can be de escalated by not responding on the same way as the aggressor, you can potentially get out of the aggression situation to a more neutral ground.
PS: regarding your internalization bit, I cannot say what is the best way to live your life, but from my personal experience, having someone to just talk to about these subjects can be extremely valuable. Just by offloading in a constructive way to someone (meaning, no lashing out) can relieve a massive burden out of you (and as for me, I do not believe in the methods where there is not feedback, e.g.: diaries, but that is my take)
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
All of us have some sort of sh!t to deal with. It’s good coping skills that are not as common. Nor do people put their issues into perspective easily. Will you remember that issue in five days/weeks/months/years? Process them more appropriately, but little issues can stack up and make for a bad day. A day you won’t likely remember in a month. Certainly no reason to be an ass to folks.
I’d use my meager skills to handle, deflect, deal in some way or ultimately walk away from someone and their issues if need be.
If it is somebody you care about, you’ll help them more easily. The challenge is with people you don’t have any attachment to. Depends on the day, but I like helping them too if I can. I have no trouble walking away if they are toxic, but most appreciate the kindness. It doesn’t even need to be anything involved. You could just say, “Hey, I like that jacket/hat/tattoo/whatever.”, to give them a bright spot in their day and move on.
Rarely do I get the same treatment returned, but I won’t stop what I do. Everyone is seemingly so self-absorbed (and angry) these days, that I treat “being nice” like it’s a lost art.