Neither side in this sex war seems willing to admit that both parties are deeply behaviorally flawed in terms of operating within an (at least in rhetoric) equitable society we all claim to want with one another.
I think step zero would be for both men and women to admit that both are deeply flawed in their engagement with one another, acknowledge both are trying to operate within sociocultural environments we are evolutionarily unprepared for, and therefore shouldn’t expect perfection or even competency from the other, so we can work to bridge the massive empathy deficit between us.
But since healing doesn’t trend on social media or in culture like vitriol, insult, or indignation, carry on.
Lol, you must be one of the guys that get offended by this or the bear meme. If you think stuff like this attacks all men or you directly, or that women have done wrong to men even 1% of what sexism and men violence has done to them you just need to close lemmy for an hour and read a bit.
And im a man in case you were wondering, i just dont have my head inside my own ass.
I hope you have a happy Wednesday regardless of your strongly held beliefs, unless one of them is wanting to have bad/unhappy Wednesdays, in which case I apologize for my transgression.
I too believe it is our society’s responsibility to house our massive homeless population, our society’s greatest victims, so they aren’t quite literally dying of exposure and police harassment for the crime of continuing to breathe while destitute in our names, as that is clearly unsafe, and is a tangible thing we could do something about quickly by nationalizing our swaths of unused office space owned by predatory profiteers actively, not hypothetically, committing continuous large scale harm on society with their greed to be converted into basic housing units.
Im in. Let’s be the change! They’re dying needlessly right now, slowly and torturously, deprived of basic human needs, in tent cities in every population center in America. We care so much about the safety of others, and would be helping a diverse population of men and women living in objectively highly unsafe conditions as we type, so surely that’s a slam dunk endeavor as that is the explicit goal, right? Pleading for change to increase people being and feeling safe?
It certainly is remarkable that every time someone who Totally Isn’t Sexist and is Just Trying To Be Reasonable is on the topic of sexism, it will never take them long to go for ‘well other people are suffering more so sexism comparatively isn’t a real problem’.
PS: whatever role you think I have in “gender wars” you’re probably wrong.
Sure, im all in for that, it is part of being communist you know? But at the same time that doesnt mean i treat the problems inherent to being a woman in our society as minor problems. ;)
Or are you saying that because there is homeless people and police harassment we should leave racism, sexism and other problems undiscussed? hmmmm, seems to me like you are trying to say that a big part of the earths population doesnt have the right to fight for a better life because there is people in worse conditions.
No, I’m saying the people proudly declaring they feel unsafe in a warm room with a full belly seem far more concerned about others like them than the ones dying quietly under freeways, 40% of whom are also women, in danger primarily from hunger and nature that they and we could do something about.
And yes, absolutely, we should help that lady under that freeway who doesn’t have a smartphone to make up hypotheticals first and at a higher priority because A) Yes she is suffering considerably more and B) there’s are many tangible courses of action to drastically improve that situation. “Be better” and “fix eachother,” the end lesson of this particular social media cycle, are intentionally vague pleasantries that may make some feel good to say while making others feel bad, but accomplishes nothing other than entrenching the most extreme positions.
If we want to demonstrably be better, let’s be like the Nordic nations and basically end homelessness. Less women will be suffering to death. We’ll have a genuine national pride moment we need. And from the perspective of their daily suffering, yeah this forest hypothetical the people with full bellies in warm rooms are arguing over probably is very insulting.
We literally have a third world country in our collective backyards, if we aren’t living in those tent cities, they have bigger problems than us as we literally invent new rhetorical fights. If the bear posit wasn’t an invitation to give a shit about others, what was it?
Kinda hard to have an equal discussion when being a woman entails being sexually harassed and occasionally assaulted by a bunch of men, mostly ones you barely know or don’t know at all, on a regular basis before you even hit puberty. Your “sex war” is more like a sex genocide with the effects biting the whole male demographic in the ass, even the ones who didn’t cause it.
It’s also hard when most of the men that participate in this discussion (despite often not wanting to admit it at first) subconsciously think that women should listen to their venting 5 seconds after meeting them and be in a relationship with them and hug them and bang them and stuff. Seriously, interacting with guys just feels like gambling, with most of them forming some sort of unhealthy obsession with you and taking your kindness as a sign of weakness or inability to see their red flags; to a lot of guys, interaction with them is basically a green light to move on you. It sometimes feels like life is a “don’t unintentionally upset or engage with a random man too much or else he might find your phone number on the dark web and send you texts threatening to rape, torture, and murder you”. We live in a society where it’s relatively common for high school girls to have a guy classmate they occasionally talk to tell/text them that they wanna rape her, just unfiltered and out there because she decided to have a conversation.
Their problems are caused by patriarchy too, but that doesn’t mean I’m willing to subject myself to sexism from them. They, whether they realize it or not, feel like they deserve what they want from a woman, the unfairness of women not wanting them makes them frustrated and they see gender equality as a means to an end, they see it as a way to have women finally love them.
It’s not so much of “women and men are equally fucking up and need to make up” as it is “women are extremely scared by men, and negotiating with the likely emotionally unstable potentially violent people with nothing to lose who probably thought about you and them dating immediately after seeing you never seems like the good option”. It’s like encouraging kids to interact with people who they think are violent and might shoot up a school in order to convince them not to shoot up the school… Even talking to someone out of pity is endangering yourself.
Most guys want to get in your pants or eventually get to that point, whether you’re apathetic to them or nice to them or mean to them. How am I supposed to talk to guys about sexism when usually their main concern is the lack of action with women and my main concern is interacting with men is inherently extremely risky and I fear I’m about to get raped or murdered when a man raises his voice at me?
It has to be at least 95% of straight men who are the danger women have to do conversational twister with to be relatively safe and comfortable around, and the remaining portion of men usually take an “insult” about the majority of men as an “insult” to them.
Men and women are both negatively affected by our sexist system but the playing field is not level. The solution is getting a majority of men to realize exactly what women deal with from men, and getting them to actively work against their subconscious sexism to promote a safer environment for women and remove the high risk of interacting with men, including by halting the rampant objectification of women and their bodies, so women and men can actually be humans with each other for real. The widespread outrage things like the bear meme gets show that this probably isn’t going to work out any time soon. Men usually immediately think of it as a challenge to “prove” that women are worse by saying a lot of them are bitchy and hard to read and gold diggers or something, rather than a way to understand why women can’t feel safe around men the same way they can around women. But instead men think of it as how women feel about any single man, including them.
At least there are communities like !mensliberation@lemmy.ca that are on the right path though. Sigh.
Kinda hard to have an equal discussion when being a woman entails being sexually harassed and occasionally assaulted by a bunch of men, mostly ones you barely know or don’t know at all, on a regular basis before you even hit puberty.
genuine question, how do you expect it to get any better if you aren’t being civil? Like yeah theoretically if someone punches you or something, it’d feel good, and probably be legal to bash them over the head with a tire iron, but let’s be honest, the only thing that’s gonna do is end up with one of you dead. Which might work on the scale of war.
But when we’re talking about something on the scale of, literally half of society (or all of it), i don’t see how you expect that to work. I also don’t expect it to work, don’t get me wrong, i love having in depth conversations about problems, it’s fun. There’s an unspoken rule that goes a little something like “play hard, fight hard”
Their problems are caused by patriarchy too, but that doesn’t mean I’m willing to subject myself to sexism from them. They, whether they realize it or not, feel like they deserve what they want from a woman, the unfairness of women not wanting them makes them frustrated and they see gender equality as a means to an end, they see it as a way to have women finally love them.
it’s definitely interesting i’ve talked to a number of people, being an aro/ace myself it’s really weird talking to horny people. I can safely say, being told by a friend of yours that “they would like to rape you” is definitely one of the experiences of all time. My response to that is and will always be “i will kill you” because seriously what the fuck.
I get the feeling that people are probably over pathologizing it, because it’s hard to define, understand, and conceptualize why another person would ever fucking say that. I dont think it’s explicitly due to negligence, i think it’s a little more nuanced. Though i still think the defining factor here would be aggression, as that’s usually what follows intent.
It’s not so much of “women and men are equally fucking up and need to make up” as it is “women are extremely scared by men, and negotiating with the likely emotionally unstable potentially violent people with nothing to lose who probably thought about you and them dating immediately after seeing you never seems like the good option”. It’s like encouraging kids to interact with people who they think are violent and might shoot up a school in order to convince them not to shoot up the school… Even talking to someone out of pity is endangering yourself.
i think you might be misunderstanding the point here, i think the intent is specifically that women don’t know how to effectively communicate this problem, generally because violence scary. And the fact that men generally aren’t aware of it, because they aren’t self conscious to that degree, or they simply don’t have that level of real world experience surrounding them. It’s hard to ask questions you don’t know how to ask after all. I think some men don’t think/realize that it’s a problem, and since nobody seems to be informing them otherwise. Continue thinking that. I think there are an extreme minority that think otherwise, or at least i like to that think that way. Because otherwise i would expect a shit ton more crime be going on than there seems to be right now. I think for them, they’re probably more actively involved in these spaces, than other people are (on account of the hateful rhetoric) and as a result outweigh the better people, significantly. By a few factors i think.
There’s also the question of whether some of these are just literal bots now? Because that might be a thing.
Most guys want to get in your pants or eventually get to that point, whether you’re apathetic to them or nice to them or mean to them. How am I supposed to talk to guys about sexism when usually their main concern is the lack of action with women and my main concern is interacting with men is inherently extremely risky and I fear I’m about to get raped or murdered when a man raises his voice at me?
i think this part calls back to the previous part i mentioned about the original comment here, i don’t think anybody understands what’s happening, and i don’t think anybody understands what to do about it either. Also i feel like this over sexualizes men? Than again i’m also aro/ace so like, good luck making me horny (maybe i just don’t fucking understand it lol). In certain contexts i could see this being very true. On dating apps for example. At a bar for another one. Generally, just out in society. I don’t think that’s really the case. Because if most men are thinking about sex constantly that’s called porn addiction. That’s bad.
my point ultimately, is that as a male, or at least a male presenting individual, it’s impossible for me to be capable of understanding the quintessential experience of “being a woman” likewise, as a female, it’s also impossible to understand the quintessential experience of “being a man” and when you’re trying to speak across the divide, like a language barrier, it’s really difficult to effectively make a point, that either side can understand, that communicates problems between the two. Direct communication is probably the best solution, given that it requires the least amount of effort to think about. The problem here is how do we most effectively communicate the problem directly. There are almost certainly ways of doing it. The question is how, and finding the answer to it is the hard part.
Men usually immediately think of it as a challenge
fascinating generalization here btw. I have nothing else to say on it, so i’m just gonna let that one simmer i guess.
But instead men think of it as how women feel about any single man, including them.
this is one of the documented dangers of generalized statements. I think what happens here is that people make a generalization, and generalization usually include a social sub group. Think of “linux neckbeards” for example, and what happens when you make them, and specifically make statements about them that are negative. What i think happens, is that people see that, understand that you’re talking about the entire collective, and then realize that they’re a part of it, and that they’re a single individual. And if you think that badly of the group, you must therefore, think equally as bad as any given individual, and most people like to seem themselves as average, or above average, so what happens is that it impacts them. It’s the same reason people don’t like PR speak, it’s the same reason everyone hates HR, it’s the reason everyone hates legislation and politicians. They never just say it, and as a result it’s always hiding behind this layer of literary function. And people don’t like being spoken to like they aren’t people.
A good solution to this problem, obviously, is to stop making them. That’s a good start. Another solution, and the one that i like to employ because it’s a lot more versatile, is to speak about something in a very analytical manner. I speak about things directly, but i also speak about them in a very disconnected tone, so that it’s obvious that my thoughts are independent from my person. It also tends to instill a similar rhetoric in the other individual, because you sort of have to respond to it in kind, given it’s wording.
When you come off adversarial, people are going to respond in an adversarial manner. When you come off disconnected and flippant manner, people will also recognize that, and respond in kind. There will always be an individual who doesn’t respond in kind, and we refer to them as outliers, in a societal manner. There are either, unconscionably good people, or they are criminals, who do not respect the law.
speaking about the previously mentioned solution again, i’ve tried to do that with this response, i don’t have forever to work on this, so i’m not proof reading it lmao. But you may have noticed i’m not talking about you, or women more generically. I’m not talking about what you said literally, i’m talking about what was said in a more broad and societal manner. The reason why is that it doesn’t read lightly. And frankly, being angry on the internet all day, not very healthy, so i try to be pretty cognizant of it from time to time. Since i’ve isolated it, and i’m speaking about it more clinically. It’s much easier to disconnect me from your statements, and you from your statements as well. The hope here is that i can at least give you something to think about, whether it perhaps makes your day better, or gives you some food for thought, idk. That’s not my prerogative ultimately, that decision is up to the reader of this wall of text. At the end of the day i just want people to think more with their brains, and say less with anger. It’s good for you mentally, it keeps your brain healthy, and it promotes a more functional society.
in a way, you can look at this post as me trying to practice what i preach. We all strive to be good people, but don’t always try to be good people.
edit: im back, sorry i forgot to mention something i wanted to talk about right now.
There’s currently a big problem with red pill manosphere type shit right? You ever wonder why? It turns out the answer is pretty clear if you just look a little bit into it. Bear with me, i’m using free market economic theory here, it’s going to get a little funky. This is a missing market segmentation, and what we’re seeing is, people capitalizing on it. Not because it’s good content, but because there is so little existing, productive content that shovelling out this dogshit content in place, apparently suffices for a considerable amount of the market buyers. It’s increasingly reported across young men that they “have no purpose” and “don’t know what to do” and “don’t feel important” etc… The landscape is shifting. (i found the word limit lol, never mind, was going to add more, i can’t)
*Kinda hard to have an equal discussion when being a woman entails being sexually harassed and occasionally assaulted by a bunch of men, mostly ones you barely know or don’t know at all, on a regular basis before you even hit puberty.*
genuine question, how do you expect it to get any better if you aren’t being civil?
The decision matrix here isn’t [civil engagement ||or|| uncivil engagement], but rather:
[civil engagementandincur non-zero risk of uncivil retaliation ||or|| do not engage]
Non-participation is the safer option, broadly speaking. If your speaking with a stranger, it’s better to let a minor slight slide, than to engage civilly. As you get to know someone better, as you become more familiar with conditions, this chart becomes a secondary consideration or even unnecessary. But with strangers, you never know if you’re dealing with an outlier.
Person wrote a whole, nuanced, and detailed response outlining the various communications issues and such (including already addressing your robotic interpretation), and that’s all you contribute?
Considering it’s a whole lot of aggrieved bullshit revolving around civility-haranguing, you’re lucky the harangued respondent even gave that much. Posts like this are deadass why when debate pervs start debate perving to that magnitude, I respond with “I’m real happy you feel that way but I’m not reading all that shit”
Cause I want the 10 minutes it took me to get through all that ego-brain bullshit returned to my possession
but that would require taking sex out of the equation. sex is what drives all of this misery on both sides. it’s much easier to empathize with people you don’t want to fuck, rather than seeing them as a in terms of sexual social dynamics, where those who are sexual desirable on both sides are given leeway in behaviour that is intolerable for those who are not sexual desirable.
I would absolutely agree with you, except for all the other lines humans are always eager to draw between ourselves to the point of undermining our own brothers and sisters. Race, religion, political affiliation, economic opinions, holy shit the lines we draw for socioeconomic status, these aren’t random divisions, we seek them out and make bright red angry lines, it is in our nature to draw lines in the sand between ourselves, a remnant of when there literally wasn’t enough to go around and only some survived a harsh winter.
To me, again, the first step would for us all to recognize this divisive nature within ourselves and acknowledge its existence to begin mitigating its detrimental effects using societal tools and culture eyes open. Same goes for greed, same goes for hate, our impulse to divide ourselves is destructive, our only hope is to acknowledge its there, it’s a near universal problem WE need to minimize.
We can’t though because we prefer to play pretend we are above our deeply ingrained animalistic programming, and would consider it insult to acknowledge those vestigial dark impulses are still part of us. But we need to, not to shame us, not to rationalize the cruelty that comes from them, but to add those variables into the equation of civilization so we can solve for homeostasis/relative happiness ans harmony. Denial/Repression is never the answer to anything. It makes things worse.
i would like to request a case study from the psych department, where we make another post once this has all blown over that just says “rape bad, don’t rape women MMmkay?” or something like that so we can see how the responses differ.
i’m not shitposting i just think we should do this.
I appreciate that I am not alone in having a better take
Yeah, don’t know about that, buddy. “Leftists are male-exclusive subtle fascists” reeks of “I have no clue about left wing ideology and my analysis of the world around me is based on a total lack of knowledge and a total lack of actual analysis”, but sure. Could be that leftists just do not respond well to you in particular.
I do not tap into culture wars at all because that is some manufactured bullshit meant to take away focus on class struggle in the US, a country I am not even from. Feminism is not a product of this, but rather of the very same ideals that lay the foundation of socialism. Men abuse women in a multitude of ways all the time, and it is not close to symmmetric, which of course does not mean I refute the very real consequences of the converse.
Having the right positionsTM on the issues you bring in at the end, does not make me respect your disjointed post above.
i’ve been saying this the entire time, and weirdly, people seem to like it, or at the very least, stop commenting to my responses because they simply don’t want to engage because productive dialogue bad? Or something, idk it’s the internet don’t ask me, i’m not real.
Neither side in this sex war seems willing to admit that both parties are deeply behaviorally flawed in terms of operating within an (at least in rhetoric) equitable society we all claim to want with one another.
I think step zero would be for both men and women to admit that both are deeply flawed in their engagement with one another, acknowledge both are trying to operate within sociocultural environments we are evolutionarily unprepared for, and therefore shouldn’t expect perfection or even competency from the other, so we can work to bridge the massive empathy deficit between us.
But since healing doesn’t trend on social media or in culture like vitriol, insult, or indignation, carry on.
I just want it to stop, it could have been productive but there’s just too much vitriol now
Lol, you must be one of the guys that get offended by this or the bear meme. If you think stuff like this attacks all men or you directly, or that women have done wrong to men even 1% of what sexism and men violence has done to them you just need to close lemmy for an hour and read a bit. And im a man in case you were wondering, i just dont have my head inside my own ass.
Have a happy Wednesday.
i will, maybe you will too when you understand there is no sex wars and its just 50% of the population just wanting to feel safe.
i think you might… etymologically, be able to uh classify that statement as a “sex war”
like i get what we’re saying but there also kind of is, isn’t there?
I hope you have a happy Wednesday regardless of your strongly held beliefs, unless one of them is wanting to have bad/unhappy Wednesdays, in which case I apologize for my transgression.
Oh my, the strongly held beliefs that everyone should be equal and feel safe around other people.
I too believe it is our society’s responsibility to house our massive homeless population, our society’s greatest victims, so they aren’t quite literally dying of exposure and police harassment for the crime of continuing to breathe while destitute in our names, as that is clearly unsafe, and is a tangible thing we could do something about quickly by nationalizing our swaths of unused office space owned by predatory profiteers actively, not hypothetically, committing continuous large scale harm on society with their greed to be converted into basic housing units.
Im in. Let’s be the change! They’re dying needlessly right now, slowly and torturously, deprived of basic human needs, in tent cities in every population center in America. We care so much about the safety of others, and would be helping a diverse population of men and women living in objectively highly unsafe conditions as we type, so surely that’s a slam dunk endeavor as that is the explicit goal, right? Pleading for change to increase people being and feeling safe?
It certainly is remarkable that every time someone who Totally Isn’t Sexist and is Just Trying To Be Reasonable is on the topic of sexism, it will never take them long to go for ‘well other people are suffering more so sexism comparatively isn’t a real problem’.
PS: whatever role you think I have in “gender wars” you’re probably wrong.
Damn, I really pegged you as cavalry
Sure, im all in for that, it is part of being communist you know? But at the same time that doesnt mean i treat the problems inherent to being a woman in our society as minor problems. ;) Or are you saying that because there is homeless people and police harassment we should leave racism, sexism and other problems undiscussed? hmmmm, seems to me like you are trying to say that a big part of the earths population doesnt have the right to fight for a better life because there is people in worse conditions.
No, I’m saying the people proudly declaring they feel unsafe in a warm room with a full belly seem far more concerned about others like them than the ones dying quietly under freeways, 40% of whom are also women, in danger primarily from hunger and nature that they and we could do something about.
And yes, absolutely, we should help that lady under that freeway who doesn’t have a smartphone to make up hypotheticals first and at a higher priority because A) Yes she is suffering considerably more and B) there’s are many tangible courses of action to drastically improve that situation. “Be better” and “fix eachother,” the end lesson of this particular social media cycle, are intentionally vague pleasantries that may make some feel good to say while making others feel bad, but accomplishes nothing other than entrenching the most extreme positions.
If we want to demonstrably be better, let’s be like the Nordic nations and basically end homelessness. Less women will be suffering to death. We’ll have a genuine national pride moment we need. And from the perspective of their daily suffering, yeah this forest hypothetical the people with full bellies in warm rooms are arguing over probably is very insulting.
We literally have a third world country in our collective backyards, if we aren’t living in those tent cities, they have bigger problems than us as we literally invent new rhetorical fights. If the bear posit wasn’t an invitation to give a shit about others, what was it?
No because I personally am perfect and an exception.
You are, and no one else Mango.
Kinda hard to have an equal discussion when being a woman entails being sexually harassed and occasionally assaulted by a bunch of men, mostly ones you barely know or don’t know at all, on a regular basis before you even hit puberty. Your “sex war” is more like a sex genocide with the effects biting the whole male demographic in the ass, even the ones who didn’t cause it.
It’s also hard when most of the men that participate in this discussion (despite often not wanting to admit it at first) subconsciously think that women should listen to their venting 5 seconds after meeting them and be in a relationship with them and hug them and bang them and stuff. Seriously, interacting with guys just feels like gambling, with most of them forming some sort of unhealthy obsession with you and taking your kindness as a sign of weakness or inability to see their red flags; to a lot of guys, interaction with them is basically a green light to move on you. It sometimes feels like life is a “don’t unintentionally upset or engage with a random man too much or else he might find your phone number on the dark web and send you texts threatening to rape, torture, and murder you”. We live in a society where it’s relatively common for high school girls to have a guy classmate they occasionally talk to tell/text them that they wanna rape her, just unfiltered and out there because she decided to have a conversation.
Their problems are caused by patriarchy too, but that doesn’t mean I’m willing to subject myself to sexism from them. They, whether they realize it or not, feel like they deserve what they want from a woman, the unfairness of women not wanting them makes them frustrated and they see gender equality as a means to an end, they see it as a way to have women finally love them.
It’s not so much of “women and men are equally fucking up and need to make up” as it is “women are extremely scared by men, and negotiating with the likely emotionally unstable potentially violent people with nothing to lose who probably thought about you and them dating immediately after seeing you never seems like the good option”. It’s like encouraging kids to interact with people who they think are violent and might shoot up a school in order to convince them not to shoot up the school… Even talking to someone out of pity is endangering yourself.
Most guys want to get in your pants or eventually get to that point, whether you’re apathetic to them or nice to them or mean to them. How am I supposed to talk to guys about sexism when usually their main concern is the lack of action with women and my main concern is interacting with men is inherently extremely risky and I fear I’m about to get raped or murdered when a man raises his voice at me?
It has to be at least 95% of straight men who are the danger women have to do conversational twister with to be relatively safe and comfortable around, and the remaining portion of men usually take an “insult” about the majority of men as an “insult” to them.
Men and women are both negatively affected by our sexist system but the playing field is not level. The solution is getting a majority of men to realize exactly what women deal with from men, and getting them to actively work against their subconscious sexism to promote a safer environment for women and remove the high risk of interacting with men, including by halting the rampant objectification of women and their bodies, so women and men can actually be humans with each other for real. The widespread outrage things like the bear meme gets show that this probably isn’t going to work out any time soon. Men usually immediately think of it as a challenge to “prove” that women are worse by saying a lot of them are bitchy and hard to read and gold diggers or something, rather than a way to understand why women can’t feel safe around men the same way they can around women. But instead men think of it as how women feel about any single man, including them.
At least there are communities like !mensliberation@lemmy.ca that are on the right path though. Sigh.
Thank you for going out of your way to say this 💯
genuine question, how do you expect it to get any better if you aren’t being civil? Like yeah theoretically if someone punches you or something, it’d feel good, and probably be legal to bash them over the head with a tire iron, but let’s be honest, the only thing that’s gonna do is end up with one of you dead. Which might work on the scale of war.
But when we’re talking about something on the scale of, literally half of society (or all of it), i don’t see how you expect that to work. I also don’t expect it to work, don’t get me wrong, i love having in depth conversations about problems, it’s fun. There’s an unspoken rule that goes a little something like “play hard, fight hard”
it’s definitely interesting i’ve talked to a number of people, being an aro/ace myself it’s really weird talking to horny people. I can safely say, being told by a friend of yours that “they would like to rape you” is definitely one of the experiences of all time. My response to that is and will always be “i will kill you” because seriously what the fuck.
I get the feeling that people are probably over pathologizing it, because it’s hard to define, understand, and conceptualize why another person would ever fucking say that. I dont think it’s explicitly due to negligence, i think it’s a little more nuanced. Though i still think the defining factor here would be aggression, as that’s usually what follows intent.
i think you might be misunderstanding the point here, i think the intent is specifically that women don’t know how to effectively communicate this problem, generally because violence scary. And the fact that men generally aren’t aware of it, because they aren’t self conscious to that degree, or they simply don’t have that level of real world experience surrounding them. It’s hard to ask questions you don’t know how to ask after all. I think some men don’t think/realize that it’s a problem, and since nobody seems to be informing them otherwise. Continue thinking that. I think there are an extreme minority that think otherwise, or at least i like to that think that way. Because otherwise i would expect a shit ton more crime be going on than there seems to be right now. I think for them, they’re probably more actively involved in these spaces, than other people are (on account of the hateful rhetoric) and as a result outweigh the better people, significantly. By a few factors i think.
There’s also the question of whether some of these are just literal bots now? Because that might be a thing.
i think this part calls back to the previous part i mentioned about the original comment here, i don’t think anybody understands what’s happening, and i don’t think anybody understands what to do about it either. Also i feel like this over sexualizes men? Than again i’m also aro/ace so like, good luck making me horny (maybe i just don’t fucking understand it lol). In certain contexts i could see this being very true. On dating apps for example. At a bar for another one. Generally, just out in society. I don’t think that’s really the case. Because if most men are thinking about sex constantly that’s called porn addiction. That’s bad.
my point ultimately, is that as a male, or at least a male presenting individual, it’s impossible for me to be capable of understanding the quintessential experience of “being a woman” likewise, as a female, it’s also impossible to understand the quintessential experience of “being a man” and when you’re trying to speak across the divide, like a language barrier, it’s really difficult to effectively make a point, that either side can understand, that communicates problems between the two. Direct communication is probably the best solution, given that it requires the least amount of effort to think about. The problem here is how do we most effectively communicate the problem directly. There are almost certainly ways of doing it. The question is how, and finding the answer to it is the hard part.
fascinating generalization here btw. I have nothing else to say on it, so i’m just gonna let that one simmer i guess.
this is one of the documented dangers of generalized statements. I think what happens here is that people make a generalization, and generalization usually include a social sub group. Think of “linux neckbeards” for example, and what happens when you make them, and specifically make statements about them that are negative. What i think happens, is that people see that, understand that you’re talking about the entire collective, and then realize that they’re a part of it, and that they’re a single individual. And if you think that badly of the group, you must therefore, think equally as bad as any given individual, and most people like to seem themselves as average, or above average, so what happens is that it impacts them. It’s the same reason people don’t like PR speak, it’s the same reason everyone hates HR, it’s the reason everyone hates legislation and politicians. They never just say it, and as a result it’s always hiding behind this layer of literary function. And people don’t like being spoken to like they aren’t people.
A good solution to this problem, obviously, is to stop making them. That’s a good start. Another solution, and the one that i like to employ because it’s a lot more versatile, is to speak about something in a very analytical manner. I speak about things directly, but i also speak about them in a very disconnected tone, so that it’s obvious that my thoughts are independent from my person. It also tends to instill a similar rhetoric in the other individual, because you sort of have to respond to it in kind, given it’s wording.
When you come off adversarial, people are going to respond in an adversarial manner. When you come off disconnected and flippant manner, people will also recognize that, and respond in kind. There will always be an individual who doesn’t respond in kind, and we refer to them as outliers, in a societal manner. There are either, unconscionably good people, or they are criminals, who do not respect the law.
speaking about the previously mentioned solution again, i’ve tried to do that with this response, i don’t have forever to work on this, so i’m not proof reading it lmao. But you may have noticed i’m not talking about you, or women more generically. I’m not talking about what you said literally, i’m talking about what was said in a more broad and societal manner. The reason why is that it doesn’t read lightly. And frankly, being angry on the internet all day, not very healthy, so i try to be pretty cognizant of it from time to time. Since i’ve isolated it, and i’m speaking about it more clinically. It’s much easier to disconnect me from your statements, and you from your statements as well. The hope here is that i can at least give you something to think about, whether it perhaps makes your day better, or gives you some food for thought, idk. That’s not my prerogative ultimately, that decision is up to the reader of this wall of text. At the end of the day i just want people to think more with their brains, and say less with anger. It’s good for you mentally, it keeps your brain healthy, and it promotes a more functional society.
in a way, you can look at this post as me trying to practice what i preach. We all strive to be good people, but don’t always try to be good people.
edit: im back, sorry i forgot to mention something i wanted to talk about right now.
There’s currently a big problem with red pill manosphere type shit right? You ever wonder why? It turns out the answer is pretty clear if you just look a little bit into it. Bear with me, i’m using free market economic theory here, it’s going to get a little funky. This is a missing market segmentation, and what we’re seeing is, people capitalizing on it. Not because it’s good content, but because there is so little existing, productive content that shovelling out this dogshit content in place, apparently suffices for a considerable amount of the market buyers. It’s increasingly reported across young men that they “have no purpose” and “don’t know what to do” and “don’t feel important” etc… The landscape is shifting. (i found the word limit lol, never mind, was going to add more, i can’t)
The decision matrix here isn’t [civil engagement ||
or|| uncivil engagement], but rather:[civil engagement
andincur non-zero risk of uncivil retaliation ||or|| do not engage]Non-participation is the safer option, broadly speaking. If your speaking with a stranger, it’s better to let a minor slight slide, than to engage civilly. As you get to know someone better, as you become more familiar with conditions, this chart becomes a secondary consideration or even unnecessary. But with strangers, you never know if you’re dealing with an outlier.
Person wrote a whole, nuanced, and detailed response outlining the various communications issues and such (including already addressing your robotic interpretation), and that’s all you contribute?
Considering it’s a whole lot of aggrieved bullshit revolving around civility-haranguing, you’re lucky the harangued respondent even gave that much. Posts like this are deadass why when debate pervs start debate perving to that magnitude, I respond with “I’m real happy you feel that way but I’m not reading all that shit”
Cause I want the 10 minutes it took me to get through all that ego-brain bullshit returned to my possession
amen.
but that would require taking sex out of the equation. sex is what drives all of this misery on both sides. it’s much easier to empathize with people you don’t want to fuck, rather than seeing them as a in terms of sexual social dynamics, where those who are sexual desirable on both sides are given leeway in behaviour that is intolerable for those who are not sexual desirable.
I would absolutely agree with you, except for all the other lines humans are always eager to draw between ourselves to the point of undermining our own brothers and sisters. Race, religion, political affiliation, economic opinions, holy shit the lines we draw for socioeconomic status, these aren’t random divisions, we seek them out and make bright red angry lines, it is in our nature to draw lines in the sand between ourselves, a remnant of when there literally wasn’t enough to go around and only some survived a harsh winter.
To me, again, the first step would for us all to recognize this divisive nature within ourselves and acknowledge its existence to begin mitigating its detrimental effects using societal tools and culture eyes open. Same goes for greed, same goes for hate, our impulse to divide ourselves is destructive, our only hope is to acknowledge its there, it’s a near universal problem WE need to minimize.
We can’t though because we prefer to play pretend we are above our deeply ingrained animalistic programming, and would consider it insult to acknowledge those vestigial dark impulses are still part of us. But we need to, not to shame us, not to rationalize the cruelty that comes from them, but to add those variables into the equation of civilization so we can solve for homeostasis/relative happiness ans harmony. Denial/Repression is never the answer to anything. It makes things worse.
“Please understand that a subset of your group is a serious threat to our safety”
briefcase unclasping noise
“Sure but step one is to define what the term safe really means in this context…”
i would like to request a case study from the psych department, where we make another post once this has all blown over that just says “rape bad, don’t rape women MMmkay?” or something like that so we can see how the responses differ.
i’m not shitposting i just think we should do this.
Round and round, whee!
On y va to the bookshop for a new thesaurus.
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Yeah, don’t know about that, buddy. “Leftists are male-exclusive subtle fascists” reeks of “I have no clue about left wing ideology and my analysis of the world around me is based on a total lack of knowledge and a total lack of actual analysis”, but sure. Could be that leftists just do not respond well to you in particular.
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I do not tap into culture wars at all because that is some manufactured bullshit meant to take away focus on class struggle in the US, a country I am not even from. Feminism is not a product of this, but rather of the very same ideals that lay the foundation of socialism. Men abuse women in a multitude of ways all the time, and it is not close to symmmetric, which of course does not mean I refute the very real consequences of the converse.
Having the right positionsTM on the issues you bring in at the end, does not make me respect your disjointed post above.
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i’ve been saying this the entire time, and weirdly, people seem to like it, or at the very least, stop commenting to my responses because they simply don’t want to engage because productive dialogue bad? Or something, idk it’s the internet don’t ask me, i’m not real.